Joey Diaz
speaker
3,386 appearances
6 recordings
3 series
first heard Jan 2024
last heard 10 Jun
Joey Diaz’s voice in public audio — every appearance, attributed to the second.
Trend
recordings per month · last 12 monthsRecordings per month over the last 12 months — 1 in all, peaking in Jun 2026 with 1.
Appearances
And you got him to the car, and you called me, and you go, he crushed the dollhouse. Oh, my God. And we were crying, laughing.
He landed on his stomach and it flattened it. It flattened it. And we were laughing. I remember when you called me after you put him in the car. I had held it in and I fucking was standing in the backyard crying laughing. Did you ever see him fall on Kimmel? No. He fell walking out on Kimmel one time, fell on the stairs to do stand-up. I don't know where I saw the clip, but man.
Dude, he was, you know, it bums me out because you see those clips. I don't think, he really doesn't get the credit he deserves.
He never got the, I mean, he said things, do you remember he had that bit about Fat Bastard? And he goes, oh, that's funny to you? Oh, I see black people laughing. What if we had Black Bastard? I'm talking a man so dark you throw salt in his face it looks like deep space. What about Mexican ass bastard? A grown man with baby teeth. A grown man with baby teeth.
How you gonna be a grown man with... He was so fucking... My favorite bit he ever did was the... Girls, you don't want big dick leaving your pussy looking like a horse reaching for a sugar cube? He was impossible to follow.
Such a good fucking guy.
On Cowhead's boat, yeah.
Were the last... I think I saw him before this, but one of the last times I saw him, he was on Cowhead's Cruise, and he did not leave the bed. He was in the bed the whole time, and he was like, Like, ah, player, I'm going through. I'm tired. I'm just so tired. I'm not smoking. I'm not eating.
And then the Indian guy that worked, like the bellman or whatever, the guy that would check our rooms, the maid, Indian guy goes, Mr. Ralphie's lying. Mr. Ralphie eats everything. And he's like, shut up, Punjab. And he would go, Mr. Bert, get Mr. Ralphie out of bed. Get Mr. Ralphie out of bed. We get him out of bed, and the only time he got out of bed is to do stand-up.
And, man, he goes, why don't you close the show, Bert? And I was like, okay. And he went up, and he fucking put one on them. Destroyed. And the guy got up on stage and fucking ate a dick. Couldn't follow him.
I won. He got on stage with me in Nashville one time, took his shirt off, and started dancing. There's a picture of me and him shirtless on stage. I was driving to go. I was driving. I had to drive to Atlanta. I had to drive to Georgia and see the girls. The girls were over at the lake house. And I was driving from Nashville to Bowdoin. And my phone rang and it was Joe. And he goes, how dare you?
I shouldn't have to see that fucking picture. He goes, I'm going to make you start putting your shirt on if I got to see Ralphie with his shirt off. Oh, my God. Oh.
He was a great cook.
That's the way he always was. He came over to the house one time with the family. August was a baby. August was strong as fucking shit. I have a picture somewhere, a video of August lifting up a 60-pound kettlebell. He was like in diapers. And Ralphie came over and he's like, he's like, yo, I'm going to make some barbecue. We'll bring the family together. And I was like, great.
And he made the best goddamn barbecue. And he made his own barbecue sauce. Yeah, he made his own sauce. He made his own sauce. And it was so good. His sister came out to one of my shows in – On Fully Loaded. And she made, she pickled a bunch of like, made a bunch of pickles and like pickled some vegetables and made some jams and gave them to us. Dude, that food was in that fucking family.
The pickles, Joey, are like hamburger size. They're so fucking thick and they're so good. Oh, man. I miss him a lot.
Oh, yeah, he did.
Yeah, it was 2003 because George was born in 2004. I did Last Comic Standing 2, which was 2004. Okay. And yeah, Georgia, it premiered, Last Comic Standing premiered on June 7th, 2004 because I was in the hospital holding Georgia, watching me on Last Comic Standing 2. Wow. Yeah. And I was like- Man, thank God I didn't get on fucking last time on Comic Standing.
That would have fucking ruined me, Joey. I would have never become a good comic. I just would have been that guy who had 10 minutes and did whatever he thought America thought he should do. You know, it's crazy, like the little blessings. But yeah, Ralphie, man, he was just, I really do miss him.
We should call him and see who has his phone now.
Showing 441–460 of 3,386 · page 23 of 170
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