Joey Diaz's Horny Hospital Visit | 2 Bears, 1 Cave
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My new special, Lucky, is streaming right now on Netflix. Check it out.
Hey, everyone. We just announced my Fall 2025 Come Together tour dates. We added a whole bunch of cities, including Allentown, PA, West Lafayette, Indiana, and Colorado Springs, and many more. I will see you out there. Thank you so much.
Ladies and gentlemen, new episode of Two Bears, One Cave. And this is who I should have done this podcast with. Fucking screwed the pooch. I took the wrong Latino. Tommy just got done. I think Tommy's retiring, Joey.
What?
I think this is his last tour.
At this point, it kind of gets redundant after a while. And that's why I never wanted to go into arenas or nothing, because then you have nowhere to go. After an arena, what are you going to do? Are you going to play on Mars? What are you going to play on? It's a great point. On a spaceship? So it kind of becomes, listen, when you're a middle-level comic and you do the improvs, after the ninth time that you're at the 10th, the improv, you ask yourself, how much longer can I do this for?
I never asked myself that, and then I asked myself. I said to myself when I was getting ready to announce this new tour, I was like, am I just going to do this forever? Is there an end date to this?
There is, and the way I look at it is what you did was brilliant. I tell people all the time. What happened with me was I was doing stand-up, but I wasn't having fun. It was a business. And that's a horrible way to do stand-up comedy. When you do it as a business, I wanted to fall in love with it again. Falling in love with it naturally. And it's not about the money. It's not about the gig. It's you driving to the shittiest open mic on a Tuesday and getting on stage. That's what you always want to do. We forgot all that. Look what's going on in the comedian world now. We're not comedians anymore. We're not comedians anymore. We're talking about politics. We're talking about this. We're having arguments with other people. At the end of the day, that's not what we got into this for.
I definitely did not get in to be a journalist.
We got into this for, listen, I'm going to tell you what for. To get my dick sucked, to travel, and to do drugs. I got married. That was the end of getting your dick sucked. You got a girlfriend. You move in. You can't get your dick sucked. That's part of going on the road. Oh, well, I could still do drugs. Okay? And then one day you stop doing drugs. And you're like, what am I doing? I'm coming out here because I used to do the road to do drugs. You know, I got a wife. She doesn't want to see me coked up. So I would hold off all week and then go off when I went to Houston or anywhere I went. Yeah. So the fun went out of it. I just wanted, after the pandemic, I'm like, thank God this happened. Thank God. I don't want to do nothing. They kept calling me.
Let's set up the dates for July. Call me when it's over. Okay? I'm like Green Day. Call me when it's over. Whatever the fuck it is. I don't want to. And now I love it again. And I love it to the point where at night I have to go, Joey, you're not going to the city.
Yeah.
You're not going to get back till midnight or one that throws your whole week off. But that's where I am right now. I felt that we didn't take a break during the pandemic. You know, I mean, we didn't we kept podcasting. You know, we didn't take a break.
And Tommy Bunz has to be burnt out by now. Oh, this last tour he did was the biggest one he's ever done. And I think it's all arenas. And I know him. He doesn't do drugs. He doesn't get his dick sucked.
I enjoy the fans, and I enjoy seeing them and having a good time, but I just couldn't see myself doing this stuff. I was 65 every week. I didn't love it that much. I loved my family just a little bit more.
You did the right, I mean, I think you've done the right thing, especially knowing how much time you spend with Mercy. And I look back and I go, man, I was gone all the fucking girls' childhood. All of it. I saw them Tuesday and Wednesday, Monday night, Tuesday, Wednesday, until I started canceling Sundays. When do you think you loved it the most?
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