John Mulaney
👤 SpeakerAppearances Over Time
Podcast Appearances
Back when I lived in New York, he was in charge of a thing called the River Keepers.
They were in charge of keeping the Hudson River clean.
That was his job.
That's how good he is at jobs.
His old job was keeping the Hudson River, whose native fish is tied off, used condom, clean.
Now he's in charge, now I'm in charge of your bones and your tummy.
Stupid fuck, your thing can't be the measles.
Did you get the measles?
Did you read the card?
It was from me.
Do you like having the measles very much?
Okay, so normally I'd apologize for such a crass comment.
I know you think you're Gene Simmons, man, but Richard, if you're in there somewhere, please, just give me a sign.
Where were we?
Oh, now, wait a minute.
This is where I step in.
No fucking cable.
I'm sorry.