John Mulaney

You can't do that.

You can't use that because there is no reward.

No one finds the person and goes, who let that person go about their life?

They should get an award because that person wasn't did not never spread it.

But if you do spread it, that person will be fired.

Yeah, and the part I hate is the part of the people that are doing the Lord's work are the ones getting punished with no cable stateside.

Cruel unusual.

But look, politicians, this is a perfect...

this is a perfect case for politicians, which is I'm not going to travel over there and do shit.

I'm never going to have to sit in a fucking tent stateside for three weeks.

So I'm going to make these sweeping proclamations about the safety of Americans being number one.

And on my watch, I don't, even if someone has to be inconvenienced, my number one job is the safety of the people in my community.

You know, bullshit, bullshit, bullshit, votes, votes, votes, hero, hero, hero.

And he's going to go down, block a bridge and get

some ice cream.

Now I've got to go block a bridge and get some ice cream.

I need some soft swirl, and I've got to block a bridge.

If Ebola wasn't... He should end every news conference with that.

I need a soft swirl cone, and I've got to block a bridge.

And he just gets up and waits.