John Mulaney
👤 SpeakerAppearances Over Time
Podcast Appearances
So no matter what, I'm going to beat up.
I will not put your glasses up your rectum.
That is my promise to you.
That's as far as I go.
You drive a hard bargain.
I want 90% of your company and 100% of your wife.
I'll send her over and tell her to start sucking while I think on it.
That's really good beef jerky.
It would be just, I would watch that show.
I would watch it anyway, but I still would like one super drunk and foul-mouthed cajillionaire in the middle.
I'll give you $100,000 to hunt you like an animal.
You know what kind of jerky?
I want human flesh.
I can already taste a dried, salted version of you already.
And the guy goes, well, hold on.
I want to talk about getting funding for an upstart.
Ten seconds, head start.
He stands there and goes, I want to talk about stock offering.