Josh Johnson

I'll have you know we're mostly into butts now.

It's one thing to dog Trump, but you're talking about America.

Americans could slam you, too, if we, you know, knew anything about Greenland or where you are.

As soon as we find you on a map, consider yourself roasted, all right?

But if the bribes don't work and the invasion doesn't pan out, Trump always has his fallback plan.

Of course it's tariffs.

This man has no other moves and no imagination.

This is getting sad, and I mean sadder than Marco Rubio holding one of those hairless Instagram cats.

That's like one and a half popes ago.

RIP to a real one.

I will find your killer.

So Trump decided to crash the White House press briefing to tout his accomplishments, but also to do some prop comedy.

Wait, wait, wait.

First of all, is finger falling off something you think could happen to you?

Is that on the menu?

Like, I thought you had the best health report of all time.

Now you're telling me fingers are falling off like it's autumn?

Now, you might think this is just a stack of blank papers, or maybe if you're feeling generous, pictures of boobs.

But this file was actually filled with Trump's accomplishments, which is why Trump treated it with the respect, care, and pride it deserved.

Wow, okay.