Kat Van Buren

Okay.

Well, then maybe this is totally normal in the workplace.

Yeah.

I used it with my ex-husband and we still use it to this day in our co-parenting.

But it's an exercise where the person shares something, you're quiet, you are listening.

And then your only job when they get done talking is to say, what I hear you saying is, and then you repeat back what they just said.

And sometimes you repeat it back and it's got your own little spin on it.

And then you're more than likely going to be doing this just you and the person.

So you won't have a third party there.

But in our case, we had a therapist there that would, as we were getting used to this exercise, be like, ah, you just twisted it.

go start over.

And I would have to start over and really try my best to repeat back exactly what he said.

And this was very helpful for us because a lot of times when the other person is talking, it's going through our little filter, like, and then we're turning it into what we think they're saying based on our filter.

So then when we say it back, it's like they have the opportunity to say, oh yes, that's, you heard me.

That's exactly what I said.

Or they can say, oh, I don't feel like you heard me.

This is what I'm trying to say.

And they can either rephrase it so that you can understand it or you just, they say it again and then you have your job to do, which is repeating it.

And it allows you to start to understand

really listen when communicating because a lot of us when we're in those situations we're having to listen we're already thinking of what we're going to say next or how we're going to defend ourselves or and really it's just forcing you to pay attention and really hear what the other person is saying