Kim Pollender
speaker
159 appearances
1 recordings
1 series
first heard Aug 2026
last heard 6 Aug
Kim Pollender’s voice in public audio — every appearance, attributed to the second.
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recordings per month · last 12 monthsRecordings per month over the last 12 months — 1 in all, peaking in Aug 2026 with 1.
Appearances
where one person shuts down in a fight and one person pursues engagement in a fight.
And it's critical to know that the person who goes silent in a fight is just as overwhelmed as the one who's more expressive.
Yes, absolutely.
And it can certainly segue into something as punitive and something as manipulative as that.
I'm going to not talk to you until you get yourself together and calm down, right?
So there is an argument for that.
But what's interesting to me is that, you know, the Gottman research, the Gottmans are pretty famous couple, and they did a lot of research on couples conflict.
And
One of the things, the ideas that they promoted was that if you were to actually put a pulsometer, like measure someone's pulse and their physiological symptoms during fighting,
in the beginning for people who shut down it is a physiological uh overwhelm or their pulse they on the outside they may look super calm right but on the inside their pulse might be going 120 130 beats a minute they might be sweating their their brain and this is what's been you know expressed by people who shut down is that the inner dialogue goes such as
I feel completely overwhelmed.
It's difficult to form sentences.
Anything I say is going to be wrong and going to result in more criticism.
Why do I even try?
I'm just going to lay low and nothing I do is going to improve things.
You know, I love this question because I get many people, many couples actually, who say, oh, we never fight.
We never have issues.
And I always raise an eyebrow.
I get very concerned about couples who never fight, especially if they've been together for, let's say, more than three years, because that just tells me that someone's suppressing.
Because if you look just statistically, you put two people on the planet into a home environment, an emotionally intimate, physically intimate space, right?
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