Kute Blackson
speaker
130 appearances
1 recordings
1 series
first heard Nov 2024
last heard Nov 2024
Kute Blackson’s voice in public audio — every appearance, attributed to the second.
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Appearances
And so for her to be diagnosed, it was like, you know, life has a way of humbling you when you're in your highest moments. And When she was diagnosed with stomach cancer, I started flying back and forth between LA and London every month for a week to be with her. And I would sit with her in chemo. I would hold her hand. We would have tea together.
All the things I hadn't done since I was, you know, in my teens before I left for LA. And... After kind of the initial realizing she's not going to make it, I felt a lot of deep regret feeling the sense of like, shit, why did I, why did I wait till she was dying to take this time? There's so much more I wanted to do with my mom and why did I wait? And
What started out as the worst year of my life turned out to be really the best year of my life because I got to just be with her and experience with her and surrender to the process with her. And every moment became precious. Every moment. Like I was so driven to get to some destination that I realized I missed all these moments.
Like all these moments of just sitting and having tea with my mom, all these moments of like washing my mom, wash dishes, all these moments of just sitting in the park and throwing bread to the ducks because I didn't have time. It was so sacred because I thought this could be the last time I ever hold my mother's hand again. This could be the last time I ever see her wash dishes again.
My mother is Japanese, was Japanese, so she would make this sort of homemade sushi. And I thought this is the last time I could see her do that again or drink a cup of tea again. And the preciousness of the moment, It was like surrendering to the moments and every moment, not just the destination. Then the doctor said, and I think this is where the book was planted.
The doctor said about six months into the process, I got to be with her for a year, almost a year, which was a huge blessing because some people don't get that. The parents just die in a car accident and that's it. And so I'm very grateful for that. And the doctor said, basically, they told us you're going to die. So get your affairs in order.
It could be it could be days, weeks, maybe months, but definitely not years. And so I had been making peace with this. But the reality is, you know, something else. And I remember feeling really heartbroken in that moment and in the parking lot. I was in the car with my mom and I turned to my mom. I was like, wow, I'm never going to see her. This is it.
And I looked at her and I asked her two questions. I said, are you afraid? And this little Japanese woman looks me in the eyes, I tell you, and she says, no, I'm not afraid. Clear as day, I'm not afraid because I know I'm not this body. She goes, this body is just a temporary vehicle for my soul. And I'll be with you. from the other side. So don't worry.
And I was like, wow, like the level of her conviction, you know, it was like in the, like, it's one thing to know when life is good, but when, when you're about to die and you still have that, it was powerful. So I said to her, mom, is there anything I can do for you in your final days to make your life easier? Like I wanted to be a good son. What do you need? What do you want?
And I was like, wow.
And in that moment, I realized that she was free. She was free, not dependent on anything in life. She was free because she surrendered. She wasn't attached to living. She wasn't attached to dying. She was truly open to the highest good. for her soul's journey. I mean, truly open to that. And in that was her freedom. And I realized this is why she didn't cry this whole year.
Emotional woman, didn't cry, didn't complain, didn't feel like a victim. She was at peace. And I really, I got surrender in that moment in life, how it's lived in daily life. I saw it in the face of my mother, you know, and it was a really profound moment. So that's kind of how the book came about. And it wasn't expected, you know, wasn't expected. Like nothing about the book was expected.
The publisher showed me the book cover. At first I was like, hell no, that's not the book cover. And then I had to surrender and I thought, That's the book cover, you know, the title of the book. When I wrote the book, I was working with my editor. And again, I was trying to come up with sexy titles. We had hundreds of sexy titles. I mean, if I told you the titles, some of them are so funny.
And we came up with this title, Magical Surrender. I was like, ah, that's too easy. No, no, it's got to be. And I was like, no. Like the book had a soul of its own, an intelligence of its own. And I think if we're willing to trust life, has an intelligence of its own. It has a magic of its own. Life has been around for billions and billions and billions of years. It has an intelligence, you know.
And so if we look at the best things in our life that have happened, we didn't plan them. They just happened. Oh, I'm going to plan to meet my soulmate at this time and, you know, in a coffee. It just happens. If you look at the things that didn't go according to plan, And see how many of them turned out better than you could have imagined. Now, someone might say, no, but I was homeless.
I lost everything. Yeah, but if you look at even the worst thing that happened that you thought was the worst thing in the moment, because from the ego's perspective, we're not able to often see why something is happening in the moment, only in retrospect.
But sometimes even the worst thing that happened that forced maybe someone to move home or to move countries or to what have you, in the moment looked like the worst thing. But then a decade later, we start seeing, wow, if that didn't happen, I wouldn't have ended up over here and met that person. So I think surrender is the willingness to allow life to lead us and allow life to show us.
Because life has an intelligence and people often say, well, how do I trust life? How do I trust? I'm like, how do you not trust life? Every moment of our lives, life is proving to us. Like right now, you and I, we're sitting here and we're breathing. We've been having this beautiful conversation and I'm breathing, you're breathing, everyone listening is breathing.
We're not sitting here going, uh-oh, how do I breathe? I go, that is breathing us. Let's be with that. Let's meditate on something is breathing us right now. And that same something that's breathing you and breathing me is breathing all existence.
And that same life force, that same something that's breathing you is processing and functioning the trillions and trillions and trillions and trillions of cells in your body, coordinating your liver and your kidneys and your eyes and color and speech and sound and brainwaves and nervous system. And so many more complexities inside of us that we're not even aware of.
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