Lindsey Metselaar
speaker
90 appearances
1 recordings
1 series
first heard Nov 2024
last heard Nov 2024
Lindsey Metselaar’s voice in public audio — every appearance, attributed to the second.
Trend
recordings per month · last 12 monthsNo recordings in the last 12 months.Older appearances are listed below; set an alert to hear about the next one.
Appearances
A guy came up to me who I later ended up dating and he said, your legs are so hairy. That's definitely an insult.
And by the way, he had no idea if they were or not. He was just saying that. And my legs were hairy. I don't really shave my legs, but I'm not like a hairy person. They just like it's like peach fuzz. But I was like, what? Like, how do you know? You know, and but normally does not work.
Totally. Way more.
So what that means is that if, and this is more like towards women dating men, it's like if you're, but still for men too, if you're confused about how they feel about you, like they're hot and cold, or you're still trying to figure out, screenshot the conversation, send it to friends, do you think they like me? you know, like waiting on their every last word to try to figure out.
It's like that meme with like the math problem on the board like, do they like me? They don't because you wouldn't be confused if somebody did like you, if somebody showed up consistently, made plans with you, messaged you, you know, every day when you're dating and whatnot. That's what that really means. And that like would have saved me so much time when dating in my 20s if I knew that.
Right. Like if you're asking a friend, if you're like, Oh, maybe he, you know, maybe he turned his phone off for the weekend. No.
Yeah. I think I will say that it's harder, especially if it's a woman who follows women-adapted dating rules because we don't necessarily put all of our cards on the table right away. Okay. But if a woman answers your text in like a timely manner, if she's continuing to get excited when you suggest going out on dates and –
she kisses you and, you know, smiles and laughs at your jokes and likes to banter with you and enjoys like talking every day. And you have like kind of these inside jokes, like those are all signs that a woman is interested in you. I think that with women, we are more clear when we're not interested than men.
Um, we will usually send like an, what I call like an anti ghost text, which is like, you know, it's been great getting to know you. I didn't feel a connection, blah, blah, blah. Um, I feel, and I could be wrong, but most of the women that I know aren't big on like the leading guys on for no reason type of thing. Um,
And we're human, just like we would feel bad if we were taken on multiple nice dinner dates and still weren't interested. We'd probably cut it off after a while. So I think that if a woman's interested, she's continuing to go out with you. There's kissing, maybe a little bit more as we get to know each other, texting.
And if a woman's not interested in you, then she's not responding to your messages. She's, you know, continuing to reschedule, prioritize other things. But what can be complicated from a man's perspective is like, if you are the kind of guy who's not planning these dates ahead, who's sending that like last minute text that's like, oh, like, are you free now?
And then you're like, but she's not going out with me. Then that's on you. Then she would be interested in you if you like got your shit together.
Totally. And I love that you did that and that you stayed with it. And I think that's the one double standard that – that's one of the double standards that men can get away with is that persistency. And like if I were coaching women, I would be like, you know, if he's interested, he's going to want to go out with you. But for women, I think –
A lot of the time we hear these stories of like, oh, I wasn't like, oh, I was like, you know, still had feelings for my ex or I was dealing with this. But like he kept texting me and like showing that he was interested in me and then like it aligned and worked out. You don't often hear that the other way around.
Vulnerability is crucial when dating. I think that it's definitely a dance in terms of like when you start to be vulnerable. I would say like dates one to three, you like do like a tiny dive into vulnerability. And then after the third date is when you get a But you could sprinkle it in here and there.
For example, I think that it's really great to talk about your past relationships on the first few dates. Not extensively, but more so just like how come your last relationship ended? What did you take away from it? What's your blind spot when it comes to dating that you're trying to be better at in relationships? I think that just that curiosity is crucial and that curiosity...
creates vulnerability um so that kind of vulnerability is good i think if you have like a family trauma i which we all do i would probably save that for like date four or or after um but again like going back to the sprinkling like if you're in therapy and you think that that's a big part of your life and has shaped you then talk about that in dates one two three i think that that's
Like that shows like the power in vulnerability if you're able to, you know, talk about that stuff in a positive way. But just don't bring the energy down with your vulnerability, if that makes sense.
I think that everybody, when they're dating, is looking for somebody to bring lightness and good energy into their lives and levity. And when we kind of dump our shit onto the date, it's...
can be indicative of like how that relationship is going to go like oh this person's going to be complaining or this person's going to bring me down and so it's not like don't be yourself if you have that part of you that's that's okay but it's more like lead with your good foot foot or the best foot forward and so like for example with the therapy um
Showing 21–40 of 90 · page 2 of 5
← Previous
Next →