Matteo Lane
speaker
178 appearances
1 recordings
1 series
first heard Apr 2025
last heard Apr 2025
Matteo Lane’s voice in public audio — every appearance, attributed to the second.
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Appearances
Yeah.
Yeah, I had to come out. I mean, I was working at Michael's. It wasn't like a stretch. You know what I mean? It's hard to be selling glitter and then at the same time trying to be like, hey, you know, like it was pretty obvious. Wait, how old were you? Like 18 when I went to college and then like 21 to my family. My brother had already come out. So it was kind of like he opened the...
It was a little easier path for me. And then my cousin came out. There's a lot of gays in my family.
I mean, I have like 30 cousins too. So three of us are gay. But my grandparents are super old school. Guineas are very liberal. My grandpa one time was like, he's a judge. And he's like, he's blind. He got blind at five and he became a judge. So he's got this amazing story. He's like, I hope to marry, you know, one of my gay grandsons.
And I was like, I think it's funny that you have to say you have three options. And then my aunt Cindy's like, you know, in this family, you have to prove you're straight before you are gay.
My sister's straight and she was, it's, we're all in a row. So I'm 38. Well, I'll be 39. She's 40. He's 41. They're Irish twins. Oh, wow. And my sister was like hunting with my dad and give us my mom, the grandkids. And my brother and I are like fleeing to the East coast and West coast and just, you know, artsy fartsy. What's your brother do? He's like a top designer at Apple.
Yeah. Like graphic designer stuff? Yeah, he works in like a select group. Like it's a whole... And I still only get 10% off. I'm like, you might as well just work the floor at a mall in Jersey. Like, what is this bullshit? You're in the factory. You're fucking Willy Wonka and all I get is 10% off? Go fuck yourself.
I don't know if God's taking it away from you or your life choices has slowly withered away your vocal cords. You're performing all the time. And then you like to enjoy yourself. So you have drinks. So you smoke cigars. So it's dehydration. I'm not dehydrated. Dehydration. I drink, I drink. Yeah, but your vocal cords are lacking the moisture because they're rubbing up against each other so much.
And when you drink, then you're losing all of that moisture and then it hurts them even more. So you've created a kind of callus on your vocal cords. So it sounds more like not as strong.
What?
That deserved a bigger laugh from back there. No, it's fine. I'm not that funny. But what's the worst way? What would be the worst way for you to die? What a horrible, morbid question. But now that we're talking about it. In a bed with my family surrounding me. Oh, okay. Well, you took it to a place that just did... This is so not fun. I was saying like being drowned or eaten by a shark.
Eaten by a shark, I'll take. Okay, yeah.
Italians love it. For real? Yeah. I'm going. Come close. Listen to me. This is something I want to give you. You know, it's very dramatic. Yeah, the Irish. You guys don't like dealing with feelings. And my dad's Irish, but I have nothing in common with my mom's family completely abducted me. Your dad's Irish-Mexican? No, my mom's Mexican-Italian. And your dad's Irish-American.
But they're not like, oh, to teach it hard. They're just like six generations in. Meanwhile, my mom's family is like, Which one's better? My mom's family. I mean, I love my dad's family, but I don't know them. I grew up literally next to all my cousins. We're all the same age. And it was just like a constant. If I didn't like what my mom was making, I went to my aunt Cindy's house to eat.
It was that kind of childhood. Very Italo-Mericano. Like super, super, super Italian. And it's so funny because as an adult, I also look Italian and I don't look Irish at all.
Yeah. I have the Italian lazy eye. I have everything. I just took all my mom's genes.
We made homemade pizza dough and everything. Do they make the pasta? Yeah, we would make pasta, sure. We still make pasta. My sister and I always make... My sister can cook anything. She'll go hunting, take the deer and skin it and take all the meat and everything. She has her own garden that's bigger than this room. My sister is very... She can do everything.
How come I assume your sister is beautiful? She's stunning. My sister is absolutely stunning. Can you pull up a picture? Okay, my poor sister. You can look... Yeah.
When does this come out? Before April 5th. Oh, really? Okay, yeah. Of course. Because I have like 100 tickets more to sell. It's my first time. I'm so excited. That's amazing. I know. Are you excited about Radio City Music Hall? That's my sister, yeah.
Yeah, she's stunning.
Showing 41–60 of 178 · page 3 of 9
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