Matthew Hussey

How many people, put your hand up, have ever felt like that?

You were with someone for a long time, you never really felt safe, like truly safe, like I've got you, we're in this together.

And when the chase never ends, the chemistry never ends.

Now we go out looking for someone to be that all over again, and what we're really asking is, can you make me feel as unsafe as I did last time around?

Because that would just really keep me alive in this.

I come across people a lot who will tell me, my problem is my standards are too high.

And I'll be like, tell me about your standards.

What are they?

And they'll start reeling off standards they have for the way someone looks and where they've got to in life and how impressive this person is, how shiny this person is and the kind of person they need to hold them.

And then I'll say, well, when was the last time you felt that?

And then they'll start talking about some person in their life that has been treating them horribly for the last two years.

They've been on and off with this person, they've been constantly kept in limbo, they've never felt like they were really chosen by that person, and they're like, that's who I really feel it with, you know, but I need to find, like, if I could just get that person to commit,

Then I'd be happy.

So when you say you have high standards, what you really mean is you have incredibly high standards for things that are incredibly superficial or don't matter.

And you have no standards for someone's character or for how they treat you.

People who say they have high standards often have nonexistent standards for being treated well.

So my philosophy on standards is when we talk about what are healthy standards, we have to start raising our standards in the areas that really matter.

How kind is someone?

Can I actually rely on them to show up for me?

When I was first dating my wife, on our third or fourth date,