Ned Johnson
speaker
601 appearances
3 recordings
1 series
first heard May 2019
last heard Sep 2024
Ned Johnson’s voice in public audio — every appearance, attributed to the second.
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Appearances
rather than my uh my default approach.
Well i i it you know, giving having kids have a sense of control isn't putting the toddler in charge of the household.
Because in some ways giving kids responsibilities that exceed their capacity to handle them isn't a gift, it's it's a curse, because it'll overwhelm them by the stress of that.
But exactly to your point, Debbie, you know, there they're there when kids are toddlers, right, they can choose what book they read or what clothes they wear, even if they don't, you know, meet contemporary fashion standards.
You know, as they get older, you know, what language do they want to study?
Do they want to study an instrument?
If they do want to study an instrument, which one do they want to play, right?
You know, do do choices in high school, choices about friends, choices about how they spend their time after school.
And and even within that context, it isn't that the parents have no say whatsoever, because that's not at all what we're advocating for.
We really want parents to have an authoritative approach rather than a lazy fare or an authoritarian approach.
But as much as we can, if kids have more control, more some say over their lives, they're much more willing to go along with things when maybe they just kind of have to go along with.
But also some of that control is even if I as a parent am the authority and I'm sort of saying this is the broad framework and I say this is what it's gonna be.
If my kid strongly disagrees with me and can say, well yeah, but but but but if we're willing to be be collaborative, if we're willing willing to have a respectful relationship with them, which means that I'm willing to be overruled.
You know, my daughter, you know, makes a really strong case and I said, Well, it's a good point.
You know, I might see it differently, but her thinking's not crazy.
And if it's not crazy, it makes a heck of a lot of sense for me to go with it.
Um, because it's we're again, we're trying to help kids develop intrinsic motivation and and and greater and greater stress tolerance.
And so yeah, you start with very simple choices when they're toddlers, but you need to have them have as much autonomy as they can possibly handle as teens, because we're really trying to prepare them for going off into the adult world and making all those choices for themselves.
Yeah, I mean w one of the people uh Edward DC is one of the founders of what's called self-determination theory, and it's a model of intrinsic motivation.
And he makes this really important distinction between autonomous motivation and controlled motivation.
Showing 441–460 of 601 · page 23 of 31
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