TPP 158: The Self-Driven Child with William Stixrud and Ned Johnson
episode
Full-Tilt Parenting: Strategies, Insights, and Connection for Parents Raising Neurodivergent Children
46 min
3 speakers
8 chapters
transcribed 17 hours ago
Transcript
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Transcript generated automatically by AI and may contain errors.
What is the core idea behind “The Self‑Driven Child” and why does it matter for parents?
For us, the most important outcome of childhood and adolescence is having the brain you're gonna have for the rest of your life. then golly, you sure want a brain that's motivated to set and pursue goals that are meaningful to that person himself. Otherwise, we as employers or teachers or parents or whatever will spend our lifetime trying to apply carrots and sticks to get kids to do what's in their own best interest rather than wanting them to do what's in their own best interest.
Welcome to Till Parenting, a podcast featuring interviews and conversations aimed at inspiring, informing, and supporting parents raising differently wired kids. I'm Debbie Rieber, your host, and I am so thrilled to be bringing this conversation today with Dr. William Stixrood and Ned Johnson. They're authors of the fantastic, game-changing book The Self-Driven Child: The Science and Sense of Giving Your Kids more control over their lives. I'm just giving you a heads up, this is one of those episodes. The kind that is likely to spark you and challenge you and get you thinking about your relationship with your differently wired child a little differently. Because in this conversation, we explore Bill and Ned's belief, based on decades of experience working with kids like ours, that the best thing we can do for our child is to give them more control and autonomy over their own lives, even and perhaps especially when their choices are not resulting in the kinds of immediate outcomes we hope to see in our children.
So as you'll hear in our conversation, The Self-Driven Child is a book that fundamentally changed the way I parent Asher. And it has improved our relationship in a very real way. Not to mention has felt so much better for me as a parent. And a little bit about my guests. Dr. William Sticksroot is a clinical neuropsychologist and a faculty member at Children's National Medical Center and George Washington University Medical School. He lectures widely on the adolescent brain, meditation, and the effects of stress, sleep deprivation and technology overload on the brain. And Ned Johnson is the founder of Prep Matters, a tutoring service in Washington, DC, and the co-author of Conquering the SAT, How Parents Can Help Teens Overcome the Pressure and Succeed.
He is a sought after speaker and teen coach for study skills, parenting dynamics, and anxiety management. And he's been featured in NPR, NewsHour, US News and World Report, Time, The Washington Post, and The Wall Street Journal. So I hope you get a lot out of this episode. And now I'll get to my conversation with Dr. William Sticksrood and Ned Johnson about the self-driven child. Hey Bill and Med, welcome to the podcast.
Thanks for having me.
So I just have to say I just have to have my little moment here where I thank you formally on air for writing this book, The Self Directed Child. It is one of those books that changed fundamentally how I parent my child. And there have only been a few of those along the way. Uh The Explosive Child is one of them, Positive Discipline is one of them, and this is one of them.
How do Bill Stixrud and Ned Johnson define a child’s sense of control and autonomy?
So I'm just thrilled to be able to share your insights with my audience. I think it's so relevant. And also to talk about how your approach and philosophy really applies to parents who are raising kids who are in some way neurologically atypical. So As a way to get into the conversation, would you both just take a moment to introduce yourselves and I'm curious to know how you got paired up together or how how your relationship to write this book came about?
Well, I I'm Bill Sticksrooted and I'm I'm a clinical neuropsychologist. And I make a living by testing kids if they're having learning problems or attention problems or emotional problems or some concern about autism, they're struggling socially. And I try to figure out what's going right, what's going wrong, and how to help.
And I'm a I'm a test rep geek. I've spent twenty-five years helping kids combat an alphabet of standardized tests like the SCT and ACT. Uh and figured out pretty early on that while tests are standardized, kids aren't.
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Chapters
8 chapters
1
What is the core idea behind “The Self‑Driven Child” and why does it matter for parents?
0:00–3:19
2
How do Bill Stixrud and Ned Johnson define a child’s sense of control and autonomy?
3:19–7:27
3
Why is a low sense of control considered the most stressful factor for kids?
7:27–11:39
4
What practical examples show how control looks at different ages—from toddlers to teens?
11:39–15:24
5
How can parents shift from an authoritarian style to an authoritative, collaborative approach?
15:24–18:59
6
What is the “non‑anxious presence” and how does it help reduce parental fear?
18:59–22:07
7
How should parents handle depression or severe anxiety while still fostering autonomy?
22:07–25:27
8
What long‑view strategies help kids become independent decision‑makers and thrive as adults?
25:27–46:52
Speakers
3 identifiedMore from Full-Tilt Parenting: Strategies, Insights, and Connection for Parents Raising Neurodivergent Children
TPP 266a: A Conversation with Poet and Advocate LeDerick Horne
TPP 522: A Whole Child Approach to ADHD with Phil Boucher, M.D.
TPP 091a: A Conversation With Steve Silberman About His Book “Neurotribes”
TPP 521: A Conversation with Dr. Peter Gray About Restoring Childhood
TPP 253a: Advocate and Author Jonathan Mooney on Why Normal Sucks
TPP 520: Dr. Özgür Bolat on Why Rewards Backfire and the Real Science of Motivating Kids