Peyton Ruddy

I love holidays, man.

I really do.

My favorite holiday would have to be, no doubt, St.

Paddy's Day.

You get to run around wearing green.

pinching people on the ass and saying Irish shit like, Conor McGregor, Conor McGregor.

You know, look at me charms.

I don't know I'm fucking racist, right?

My second favorite holiday would have to be, no doubt, Cinco de Mayo, right?

That's when Mexicans get together, sell cocaine, and kill each other.

Trust me, I've seen four seasons of the Narcos.

I know exactly how this shit works.

The problem I have with holidays is black people don't have any cool holidays, right?

You know, when you think about black holidays, what do we have?

Martin Luther King Day.

And what is Martin Luther King Day?

A bunch of niggas running around in the cold with sweaters on with Martin Luther King face on it.

Y'all white people don't even show up for that shit, right?

And then our other holiday is Juneteenth.

Like, my man, if I was to ask you what Juneteenth, what would you say?