Sarah Bays

speaker

910 appearances 2 recordings 1 series first heard Jun 2026 last heard 26 Jun

Sarah Bays’s voice in public audio — every appearance, attributed to the second.

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recordings per month · last 12 months

Recordings per month over the last 12 months — 2 in all, peaking in Jun 2026 with 2.

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But Are You Happy? · Catching Feelings In Your Situationship? We Got You. · 5 Jun 2026 podcast

I can sort of separate the two.

Yeah.

So you really need to think about knowing yourself and understanding yourself and whether a situationship is something that you

can get into or whether sort of from the beginning it's like hey if that's what you're after that's all good but I know that that doesn't work for me like I'll be you know a month or two's time I'm going to be in love with you and if that's not what you're after like let's not do this yeah totally and you can I guess in a way you can get so swept up in like the you know getting attention and feeling loved like it's a great feeling being loved and being seen so I can imagine it being

Yeah.

So there's all of that sort of like the oxytocin, the dopamine, the serotonin, like all the good feelings that, you know, if we think of it as like, I'm almost imagining like a pinball machine is like bing, bing,

being like all this, you know, and it's very similar to like the pleasure center, the reward center of the brain.

And then if we're thinking about like in any sort of addictions work that I do, it's very much around what are the things that kind of light up those areas in my brain?

And then what happens when I don't get it?

And then, you know, do I fall into that chase cycle where it becomes like I'm obsessed or consumed by it, dah, dah, dah, because even the chase is part of

addiction bit.

And it's not to say we're addicted, but yeah, it, it all becomes this cycle and every part of the cycle is just as sort of like pulling you in as the other.

Um, I also think that part that Esther Perel talked about where it's like, you know, the, the desire, the thrill, the, there's a fantasy element because usually in a situation ship, you're not there to

you know, all throughout the night or like when they're having a really shitty day or, you know, when they're like got horrible diarrhea while they were on holidays and got gastro or something, you know, like you're usually not there for those like real life, like

you know, kind of mood killer moments.

And so it keeps that novelty thing alive.

So it's kind of like, you know, we swipe and we see a new reel and it's like, oh, you know, so we kind of get this still novelty thing that keeps coming with the situation shift.

So the brain is very much like getting a lot of these rewards stuff happening.

Whereas when you live with someone or see each other a lot or like there's this real, you know, stability and consistency, that reward like novelty center isn't going off so much.

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