Sawyer (Mel's daughter)
speaker
186 appearances
5 recordings
2 series
first heard Nov 2024
last heard Apr 2025
Sawyer (Mel's daughter)’s voice in public audio — every appearance, attributed to the second.
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Appearances
I definitely was upset at first, I will be honest. But I don't think I was nearly as upset as I think I would have been had I reached out five days after we broke up. I think the time and the space, I know a lot of people say that helps, but I do think forcing myself to cut ties, to not reach out, I think it also helped that he didn't reach out. So I wasn't Well, I wish he did. Great. He didn't.
And that completed the full 30 days for the both of us. And I think that when we had our conversation, which I wanted to call and just talk a little bit about the breakup because...
our initial parting was very short um and so i wanted to quote get a little more closure did i get the closure no but did i feel like i could really move on at that point yes because i had the official no from him and that being said i was not on an upward path after that It was a continuous rolling hill. So that day, after hanging up, I was feeling good. I was feeling better.
Okay, I can move on. The next week, sobbing on the gym floor again, hyperventilating, crying, making up fantasies, stalking him constantly, maybe stalking his location sometimes and being a weirdo like most of us are. But It wasn't just an upward trajectory after that. It was three months and then some to really start to feel like I was going to get over this and going to move past this.
And what I will say about that is the only... Let Them, the tool of Let Them helped me so much in this breakup because every time I saw a photo of him with someone else or on the stories because they would come up, I couldn't control that. And the first thing that would come to my mind is let them. I can't control who he's going to be with. I can't control what he's going to do.
I can't control who he's going to sleep with. I can't control his life. He's no longer in my life. And that is his decision. It's not mine. And so therefore, just constantly saying, let them, let them, let them, and let me be really sad. Let me grieve. I remember telling you all the time, like, just let me be sad. Stop trying to solve everything. Stop trying to make me feel better. Let me grieve.
Let me be sad. I need to feel this. And I know everyone around you when you're going through a breakup, they just want to make you feel better because your emotions make them feel really uncomfortable and it brings up stuff for them. And so they just want to squash whatever you're feeling and distract you and I'll take a shot or I'll go do this.
What you need to do as someone who is going through the breakup is is you can say to people, let me be sad. You are one of my best friends. Let me bring him up in every conversation because I have to talk about him right now. I have to bring this up. And that's a way that you can let them while let me still be grieving and be sad and moving through it and processing.
And to be honest, I kept doing that and kept doing that And it was helpful, but the only thing that actually got me to the acceptance stage, which we'll talk about next, and everything that you can move once you actually accept that this relationship is over, is the fact that the future I had made up in my mind was never actually going to happen.
And that is the only thing that I was completely unwilling to accept. always thinking about us getting back together, or five years from now, running into each other in the street of New York City. Oh, nice to see you. 20 pounds lighter, hair blown out, Botox, all to see.
Yes.
And that is what, like, kept him around for so long. Is I... In your mind, in a fantasy. In my mind. Because he was not around. No. Not in my text, not in anything. It's dry. Just like your vagina. No, literally. No, literally. Cobwebs. Especially when you're living at your parents' house. But it honestly is all about the fantasy. I think that that was what happened in my last relationship.
That's what happened in this relationship is after it was over, I was accepting of the fact that we had broken up. I was accepting of the fact that, you know what, there probably is someone else out there for me. You know what, like we didn't agree on this or that or the other thing. And maybe there is someone better. I don't know. And everything happens for a reason.
Like I was able to accept that. And whenever anyone came to me and said, you know, maybe this is for the best, I was able to receive that and process that. But what I wasn't willing to accept is that later on, he wouldn't come back in my life. And I think that that is what...
fantasizing about that life that I thought we were going to have is what kept me so anchored in this heartbreak and in this depression and it made me like I loved feeling that sadness it was like crack because it made me feel like this is not actually over Sawyer you can hold on to this And that's what I held on to.
But as soon as you kept saying to me, let them, let them, let them, like, this is over, Sawyer. It sucked to hear, but it also made me realize, like, he's not reaching out. Like, there's not... Anything I can do that's going to change him because I can't control him. It's true.
And that's what you'll learn in the Let Them Theory book is you cannot control another human being, their thoughts, their feelings, their actions, anything.
I think another thing, too, that's super easy to hold on to going off of some of your friends who may be hanging on to some anger is the fact that when you break up, the only thing that you hold on to is the good memories. And so you replay and you replay all these amazing memories and make it just seem like a Barbie movie and unbelievable.
And you just completely block out anything that may have been dysfunctional or you disagreed on or the reason that you broke up. And I think that That also, because you're so in denial in the beginning of it all and going through those stages of grief, that you convince yourself that absolutely everything was perfect, so why are we not together?
Yes.
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