Stephen Andrew
speaker
600 appearances
6 recordings
1 series
first heard Jan 2017
last heard Aug 2019
Stephen Andrew’s voice in public audio — every appearance, attributed to the second.
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Appearances
The Hook Up · Why we date people who are bad for us (and how to break the pattern) · 26 Aug 2019
podcast
It's quite a common thing to find yourself drawn back in, even against your better judgement, to relationship patterns that haven't worked before.
One of the best ways of recognising this as a pattern is through a process of reflection and that process of reflection requires on some level for us to press the pause button on our relationship, sometimes literally.
and go, well, what's going on here?
And that's the first question.
And the second question is, what's gone on before this particular relationship?
Is this just a bit of bad luck?
Were my cues not being read?
Was my radar a bit defective?
Chances are, and this tends to come out repeatedly in the work I do, that there's a pattern here.
So the relationship you're struggling with now will be very much like the one you had before, the one you had before, and the one you had before.
Well, it is, I'm sorry, a typical psychologist answer to the question, but I want to take you back to your childhood.
This is often a pattern that was started when you were very, very, very small.
And that pattern was formed between you and your primary caregiver or caregivers.
And it's based around the quality and quantity of unconditional love that you receive.
This is what your organism really craves, or we all crave, is unconditional love.
And if we get the watered down version of that, which is conditional love...
Well, we can come through really lacking and really looking for answers to how come this happened.
We tend to personalize it.
And so we will go out into the world and seek partners that echo
both the positive and negative aspects of mum and dad.
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