Stephen Andrew

speaker

600 appearances 6 recordings 1 series first heard Jan 2017 last heard Aug 2019

Stephen Andrew’s voice in public audio — every appearance, attributed to the second.

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The Hook Up · Why we date people who are bad for us (and how to break the pattern) · 26 Aug 2019 podcast

We look out for them and we have almost a sixth sense and the ability to pick these people out at distance and say, I reckon I can work through my mother's stuff with you or my father's stuff with you.

And we keep going through failed relationship, failed relationship and so on.

Okay, that point of being able to say, yeah, I know what I'm doing here, can take some time and invariably takes a lot of work.

Because the attraction that we feel towards someone has many layers to it.

And it can be about how they look, how they sound.

their status, their power in the world, a whole range of things that tend to be front and center.

We go, wow, that person's hot.

I'm really drawn to them.

And oh, I can tell you why.

It takes a little bit of excavation work to get underneath that to the fact that this person is actually fitting into some sort of attachment style desire I might have towards them.

So they might have all of those really gorgeous qualities about them, but underneath there might be something a little bit darker.

So it's something that one needs to do either with a therapist or with a good friend or just with yourself, looking at these patterns of past relationships, particularly the ones that haven't gone well.

what are the qualities and i mean that in the broader sense of the word that these people have brought to you um and you know what what did alex and charlie and lou bring to you what was it that drew you to these people and then try and depersonalize this it's not about alex's beautiful eyes or

status or

or Charlie's absurd sense of humour.

This is about, well, what was it that they brought to you that you found attractive?

And we can use the word difficult or dysfunctional here too.

What were you chasing or fleeing from in that relationship that they brought in?

And when you get a sense of a pattern of that happening in your life, it's a bit of a revelation.

You can say, oh, okay.

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