Susan Stiffelman

speaker

353 appearances 1 recordings 1 series first heard Oct 2019 last heard Oct 2019

Susan Stiffelman’s voice in public audio — every appearance, attributed to the second.

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Full-Tilt Parenting: Strategies, Insights, and Connection for Parents Raising Neurodivergent Children · TPP 180: Susan Stiffelman on Parenting Without Power Struggles · 20 Oct 2019 podcast

Is rising, I'm feeling more and more agitated and upset.

And that will show up with me moving into lawyer or dictator because the meaning I'm making of that child's defiance or refusal to cooperate is getting magnified.

And it may be also getting magnified because it reminds me of other places in my life where I don't feel appreciated or respected.

So the captain energy is one that requires us to to really um be present and mindful for what's getting stirred up inside of us so that when a child refuses to do something, we can step back and ask a different question.

Why does this behavior make sense?

Instead of

Why is he or she doing this to me?

So I talk about two ways that we can approach our children.

There's act one parenting and act two parenting.

If you imagine yourself going to a a play,

And you get there early and you take your seat and the orchestra's just warming up and the curtain rises and the next thing you see is somebody in one corner stomping on some grapes and somebody in another area climbing a ladder and and somebody else, you know, weaving something and trying it on and and all these things are going on, they make no sense.

Because in fact it's act two of the play, right?

You would think, well, wait, where is Act One?

And so a lot of the times we approach our kids with what I call act two parenting.

And that means we skipped act one.

We didn't create

the receptivity, we didn't acknowledge that what might be true for them about a situation.

We jumped right in with advice that they haven't asked for, with information, with logic that's meant to sort of appease them or get their left logical, rational brain to see things our way.

So when I would approach a child who's emotionally charged, let's say around this movie, if you want, we can even role play it.

So you can be my child.

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