Tanya Coons
speaker
3,654 appearances
23 recordings
1 series
first heard Feb 2016
last heard Aug 2022
Tanya Coons’s voice in public audio — every appearance, attributed to the second.
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Yeah, it might sort of be looking at experience, you know, because it's interesting hearing that people have been dating for 10 years and I'm sort of like, all right, do you have 10 years experience of dating or do you have one year's experience 10 times over?
Like, are you repeating the same thing over and over again?
Maybe it's time to have a look at your type or the types of things that you're doing and
in relationship and seeing if that's, you know, it's kind of like a how's that working for you question.
If we're repeating patterns, maybe there's something that needs to be learnt.
I'm a strong believer that we keep getting sent the lessons we need to learn over and over again until we learn them.
So there might be something there.
And yet sometimes it is the other person.
Sometimes you can be completely open and ready and the other person's not.
And we don't have much power over that.
It's really disappointing.
And, you know, there's not much we can do when somebody says no, thank you, apart from
graciously say thank you for your no and I think too we're here talking about romantic love you know and encourage the folks who haven't found romantic love yet look at all the other love that might be around you in terms of family in terms of friends that might care and love for you even your pets you know there's there's quite a lot of love to be had and romantic love doesn't it's not really a trump card I think you know we shouldn't be using it as like this is the most important kind of love and every other kind of love doesn't rate
I think when you've got really wonderful friends, I know the sort of the friendship models that I've studied, you need to spend at least 100 hours with somebody for them to be a great friend.
And so often our closest friends are people who have been with us for a long time and we've had,
adventures we might have gone to school or uni with them or been doing different things worked with them so a dating person has got a lot of catching up to do if you want them to be like those friends so I think maybe at a different trajectory like you've got these amazing friends and they've got you which is fantastic they're always there to catch you and to be with you
If you want to fall in love with someone, that can be a different kind of love and a different kind of relating.
So it can be the sort of, you know, salt and pepper on top of this beautiful dish of friendship that you already have.
I don't know.
I used to call it the Tan's Big Stick Theory, where if you're happy living your life, I think it's not that you stop looking, but it's also that you're doing things and living your life for yourself.
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