Vanessa Marin

Do you like to feel connected beforehand, or is sex a way that you feel the most connected?

Yeah, that's pretty typical for men.

But Xander and I are actually the reverse of like the typical gender dynamic.

I like sex as a way of opening up connection too.

So this is another way that men and women really misunderstand each other because like I said, most people tend to fall into the woman's the one who wants to feel emotionally connected before sex, but the man is the one who feels more connected through sex.

And so it can lead to this standoff where the classic fight is, you know, the woman will say, like, well, why would I want to have sex with you right now?

I don't feel connected to you at all.

And the man will say, yeah, we're connected.

That's why we should have sex.

And it feels like this horrible standoff of, you know, who gets to go first.

And what we forget in that conversation is we both want both things.

This is just such a classic way that men and women misunderstand each other.

We both want to feel emotionally connected and close to each other, and we both want to feel physically connected, physically close to each other.

But we wind up in this stalemate of feeling like, you know, you don't understand me.

You want something totally different.

So it's really important to recognize that that's what we're both wanting.

And so that's why, like I said earlier, I think it's so important for women to recognize, like, when your man is initiating with you,

What he's really saying is, I want to feel close to you right now.

And I think this is also, this is a way that men sabotage their ability to have more sex with their partner.

is that they don't share with her that emotional component of sex.