Vanessa Marin

And then if you do this, I'll really like it.

And it's overwhelming.

But instead, if it's just, which one is better, this one or this one?

And you can do that with everything during sex.

Try two different positions.

Try two different oral sex techniques.

It feels fun and sexy, but it's also giving you both really valuable information.

Exploration, that is our final conversation that we move into.

So everybody's heard the advice, like keep it spicy, try new things in the bedroom.

And it actually is really good advice.

It sounds cheesy, but it's good advice.

We have research showing that when we do new things with our partner inside and outside of the bedroom, our brains light up, our brains love novelty.

And it gives us that feeling of getting to know our partner all over again, of seeing them in a new light.

So this chapter is all about how do we actually try new things?

Because what I've found in long-term relationships is that we have this tendency to narrow down what sex looks like.

So I'll throw Xander and I under the bus.

When we first started having sex, it was like this buffet of options, all these different choices, all these different things that we were doing.

And then you get a few years into it, and that buffet has narrowed down into a fixed menu with very few options.

And so sex between us would look like a couple seconds of making out, a couple seconds of some groping, and then we're just right on to the intercourse, right?

And it's just not very exciting.