Vanessa Marin

Like, yeah, start talking about sex.

Obviously not on your first date in the first five minutes, but, you know, get a sense of how comfortable or not comfortable that person is with their sex life.

So

Once you've gotten a couple of dates in, maybe just ask a pretty general question like, what's your relationship with sex?

How important is sex to you?

What does physical intimacy mean to you?

Something more open like that so you can just get a sense of who that person is.

It absolutely does happen in most, if not all couples.

And, you know, Xander and I always like to normalize this by saying it happened in our relationship.

You know, I was already in this field, had already been doing research and studying, and the exact same thing happened to us.

You know, when we met, the chemistry was instantaneous.

It was just, we both kind of took it as, this is a sign from the universe, this is my person, we're hitting it off so well.

And then...

you're a year or two into the relationship, and all of a sudden, I'm having this experience of sitting on a couch in our living room.

He's sitting on another couch on the opposite side of the room.

We're in our ratty pajamas.

We're eating takeout straight from the containers.

We've had exhausting days at work.

We're watching some crappy Bravo TV show that I probably forced him to watch.

And I remember having the thought, I don't remember the last time we had sex.