2 Bears, 1 Cave with Tom Segura & Bert Kreischer
2 Bears Live From SXSW | 2 Bears, 1 Cave
Mon, 24 Mar 2025
Check out Bert's new special "Lucky" streaming on Netflix! SPONSORS: - Stop paying full-price for streaming services and only getting access to a fraction of their content. Get your money’s worth at https://EXPRESSVPN.com/CAVE. - Sponsored by Better Help. For a limited time, visit https://betterhelp.com/bears to get 90% off your first week! - Make friends and grab some merch at https://www.drinkporosos.com/ Bert and Tom take 2 Bears 1 Cave on location at SXSW, broadcasting straight from The Portal, a Por Osos sponsored party house—where the drinks are flowing, fans are mingling, and people are literally jumping off the roof into the pool. The chaos kicks off as Bert calls back to an insane AI-generated video called "Fat N-word Season," that does in fact exist. From there, they tackle the big questions in life, like what is the perfect boob size and do Black guys really not always fit all the way in during intercourse? They also get deep about comedians being forgotten in pop culture history, before immediately pivoting to Bert’s questionable SXSW outfit and how he narrowly avoided disaster with Magic Johnson. Ari Shaffir’s name comes up, Bert lays some praise on Tom for his Robert Smith costume on YMH Live X, and Tom tries to wrap his head around Bert becoming friends with Mel Gibson at a UFC event—which might just be the most Bert Kreischer thing ever. 2 Bears, 1 Cave Ep. 281 https://tomsegura.com/tour https://www.bertbertbert.com/tour https://store.ymhstudios.com Chapters 00:00:00 - Intro 00:00:47 - Fat Big Word Season 00:07:07 - Perfect Size 00:14:15 - The Legacy Of Comedians 00:18:48 - Dudes Jumping Off The Roof & Ari Shaffir 00:28:16 - Bert's Outfit 00:32:29 - Magic Johnson & King's Coronation 00:38:28 - Mel Gibson 00:48:08 - YMH Live X 00:55:35 - Hunger For Touring & Hanging With Fans 01:03:22 - Bert's Death Wish Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices
Chapter 1: What can I expect from Bert's special 'Lucky' on Netflix?
My new special, Lucky, is streaming right now on Netflix. Check it out. 100% Wait, wait, hold on. Our words are being streamed to the people out there? Yeah. That's a horrific idea. I thought so too. Whose idea was this? So they're just going to be standing there and Tom and I are going to be talking about fucking gay booty shorts and there'll be music?
Chapter 2: What is 'Fat N-word Season'?
Oh cool, so it'll sound like a really weird EDM song. Okay. Okay, yeah, yeah, yeah. Shit, I almost wore my new underwear. Should we start up? If it's streaming live, should we start with... That's an AI thing, right?
I love it. Can I tell you, this, I listen to...
I listen to this too much.
Yo, shut the fuck up. It's Fat Cracker season. Okay. Okay, let's roll. Yo, shut the fuck up. It's Fat Cracker season.
There he is. Well, you were adamant on the last pod that you were like, Fat N-Words, Fat N-Words, it's my obsession. I love it. I'm always playing Fat N-Words. And then we were doing searches for it. No one could find it. No one could find it. It wasn't like a song that came up in the results of like... Spotify or Apple or any of that.
And by the way, they're big fans of mine. We found them. You found them? The people that run the account, they're big fans of mine.
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Chapter 3: What is the perfect boob size according to Bert and Tom?
But that's AI.
That's AI. And it is so engaging that I got to be honest with you, I wish it was a TV show. I would follow these guys. They're going to Dubai to close a new oil deal for P. Diddy Baby Oil. Yeah. Dude, it just delivers. Can I tell you what? It just delivers. Every time I hear it, it makes me smile. So...
you know the thing is the problem with that what it's so catchy that it makes you think it's okay to say it i know i mean so it's like one of those songs where you're like everyone's having a good time dude Like, why can't I have a good time with him?
I was in my hotel room today.
And you're just singing it to yourself?
Should I? Should I? But I'm always afraid I'm going to get recorded doing it. The worst is, so Shaq called me up the other day. He's like, yo, can you do my podcast? Our guest fell out. So I was like, yeah, we'll Zoom.
the first question he said he goes have you found the the clip yeah i played it for him and he lost his mind and he was like do not say that ever yeah he knows oh he knows and you know what i do is i just go up to leanne i go god i love this time of year i should go really what time of year is it and i go yo shut the fuck up it's fat crack season no you say it fat no no i play it i play it if i can have that as my ringtone you can
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Chapter 4: How do comedians maintain their legacy?
Can I get that as my ringtone? Of course. Will you set that up as my ringtone right now? Oh, my God.
But let me ask you this. Oh, my God. You're obsessed with this. Be honest. Okay.
I'll be honest. Okay.
When you're alone, you actually say it, right? Nope. I have not said it yet.
Chapter 5: What disaster did Bert narrowly avoid at SXSW?
I have not said it yet. I swear to God, I have not said it yet.
Can I just tell you something? Yes. I know when you're lying. So... It's okay, you say, right?
I have not said it yet. I have not said it yet.
So you put on Wu-Tang Clan, you go, shame on anyone who tries to run game on anyone.
Oh, I sing the N-word, yes. Okay, that's what I was getting to. Don't look shocked like I just told you your dad fucks your mom. Like, come on, it's real. When you're singing, and listen, I don't think you're supposed to, but I'm old school. I'm grandfathered in. I'm 52. Hip hop came out when I was a kid.
No, you were probably older than a kid.
No, I was a kid. I saw it on 2020. They're like, these blacks are dancing and singing in a whole new way.
Yeah.
You're like, I like this stuff. I did. I did. I saw it on 2020. I was like, I think I'm going to get into this. I found hip hop on 2020.
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Chapter 6: What did Bert think of his outfit for SXSW?
I went to Philadelphia the next summer and they played hip hop. They played... Mantronics, I think, was the name of the band. And I was like, oh, John Stossel just covered this on 2020. Oh, my God. And my cousins were like, huh? Yeah. Baseline. Mantronics, I think, the song was Baseline.
But the interesting thing is, you said, the song's actually, it's fat N-word season. Season.
I thought it was summer because of Chet Hanks. Hold on. Did you see how good Chet Hanks is in this fucking TV show?
No, no idea.
Chapter 7: What happened with Magic Johnson?
The Netflix TV show about Jeannie Buss. Chet Hanks plays like a loose, out of control kind of... He's so good.
Is he?
He's really talented. He's not tall enough to look like a basketball player. He's like a little stocky. So that pulls me out of it. But I just want to say, shout out to Chet Hanks.
Remember Ben Affleck and... And Matt Damon, they did that movie about Jordan signing with Nike. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I think it was called. One of the things that took me out of the movie is the actor, they don't show his face. But the guy that they clearly, he's supposed to be Michael. He's like 6'1".
And you're watching this thing and you're like, why wouldn't you just... Because the whole thing is they were like, we don't want to show somebody's face. Yeah. Because he's so iconic, you're just going to go, that's not him. So they shoot it in a way where he walks in rooms and you're seeing profiles and shadows.
Like the way they shot the shark in Jaws.
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Chapter 8: How did Bert become friends with Mel Gibson?
Kind of. But you're like, this guy's clearly not 6'6". Why wouldn't you just... I don't understand.
Yeah. All you need is 6'6 and black.
That's it. 6'6 and black. That's fucking like a diamond. That's like a fucking blonde with big tits. They're everywhere, you know?
Blondes with big tits are everywhere.
Yeah, especially. They're here, too.
By the way, can we just talk about where we are? Yeah. Can we just pipe in the audio for the fat N-word season? Just so they know what they're in store for.
We just see everyone walk out.
Yo, shut the fuck up! No, I'll tell you why I like that. It is AI. But I love that they have them doing stuff that... I don't think they would really do.
Yeah.
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