Absolutely Not
Episodes
Creep From Bocca
06 Jul 2022
Contributed by Lukas
On this episode of the Absolutely Not Podcast- Heather sits down with her favorite grumpy old man- comedian Andrew Collin. They dissect his ne...
Putting on the Dog
29 Jun 2022
Contributed by Lukas
On this episode of the Absolutely Not Podcast, Heather interviews the queens of the southern hair empire, Salty Locks, Britt and Amber Harrington...
EAT LAY SHOVE
22 Jun 2022
Contributed by Lukas
On this episode of the Absolutely Not Podcast, Heather chats with her genuine friend, Jackie Schimmel. They discuss their summer plans to...
No Passport, No Problem
15 Jun 2022
Contributed by Lukas
On this episode of the Absolutely Not Podcast- Heather has had a fully mental breakdown from the complete shitshow that has been her wedding prep. Sh...
Garage Triage
08 Jun 2022
Contributed by Lukas
On this episode of the Absolutely Not Podcast, Heather hits the hotline- only to double down on the fact that women might be the REAL scammers. We've ...
"SAUVY B SUNRISE"
01 Jun 2022
Contributed by Lukas
On this episode of the Absolutely Not Podcast, Heather is back from her final farewell tour performance. Just when she thought it was time to get an...
FULLY BOOKED
25 May 2022
Contributed by Lukas
On this episode of the Absolutely not podcast, Heather is letting you know, School is out for summer and bitch we are fully booked! It doesn't matte...
Core Memory
20 May 2022
Contributed by Lukas
On this episode of the Absolutely Not Podcast, Heather takes you down memory lane and drives you right into the "Core MeMories" of your childhood- fro...
Sorry You're Detained!
11 May 2022
Contributed by Lukas
On this episode of the Absolutely Not Podcast, Heather is back south of the border from her weekend of shows in Toronto. After getting held up at th...
No Reservations
04 May 2022
Contributed by Lukas
On this episode of the Absolutely Not Podcast - Heather is back in the LA studios fresh from a midwest weekend on tour. She's working, but apparently ...
"Trauma in the Drama" with guest Christina Tompkins
27 Apr 2022
Contributed by Lukas
On this episode of the Absolutely Not Podcast- Heather is back from a 3-day bender on the West coast. She saw a mormon trying to escape in Salt Lake, ...
Deflection Beauty
20 Apr 2022
Contributed by Lukas
On this episode of the Absolutely Not Podcast, Heather is celebrating the Rising of the lord, with some street safety tips and life advice. She is so ...
"MASTER SCAMMERS" with Raymond Padilla
13 Apr 2022
Contributed by Lukas
On this episode of the Absolutely Not Podcast, Heather has on her man of honor, Raymond Padilla, and they give you a play by play of how they scammed...
Meet Me At The Beverly Center Part 2
06 Apr 2022
Contributed by Lukas
On this roller coaster of an episode of the Absolutely Not podcast, Heather is back in the LA studios. She talks about her wedding woes, nightmares an...
ABSOLUTELY KNOT (Boat LYFE)
30 Mar 2022
Contributed by Lukas
On this episode of the Absolutely Not Podcast, Heather is back from the Boca Yacht Club and has decided she needs to be on the intercoastal with Annie...
Sparky
23 Mar 2022
Contributed by Lukas
On this episode of the Absolutely Not Podcast, Heather is back from a magical midwest weekend. She had a tour stop in Tulsa and Omaha and in between h...
Pre-Boarding Birthday Bitch
17 Mar 2022
Contributed by Lukas
On this episode of the Absolutely Not Podcast - Heather is so selfless she does ACTUAL work on her birthday to give you the full scoop on her Parisian...
Princess of Peace
09 Mar 2022
Contributed by Lukas
On this episode of the Absolutely Not podcast - Heather is on a real tear on International Women's Day. After a great weekend in Albany slinging jokes...
Half Court Perv
02 Mar 2022
Contributed by Lukas
On this episode of the Absolutely Not Podcast, Heather tries her best to understand what the absolute fuck is going on- but it's pretty much all a big...
Acting Out With Harvey Guillen
23 Feb 2022
Contributed by Lukas
Heather sits down with Harvey Guillen to talk about the struggles of working in the industry and their hilarious Bone, Marry, Bury picks. Make sure...
She-Shed
18 Feb 2022
Contributed by Lukas
Heather is back in the studio and joined by the Georgia Law Lady herself, Ashley McMahan. And as usual when these two get together, hilarity ensues. ...
Power Lesbians with Ali Kolbert
09 Feb 2022
Contributed by Lukas
Heather is joined by fellow comedian Ali Kolbert to talk all things comedy, and the real tea about being a woman in the industry. Prepare for many lau...
Luck of the Irish
02 Feb 2022
Contributed by Lukas
Heather is back in the studio in LA and more unhinged than ever! Today we are discussing the role Heather was meant to play, why people who wear glass...
Love It Or List It
26 Jan 2022
Contributed by Lukas
On this episode of the Absolutely Not Podcast- Heather is back in California drinking Wine with the Kardashians. Fresh off a 3 show run in Dallas- She...
First Class Gaslight
19 Jan 2022
Contributed by Lukas
On this episode of the Absolutely Not podcast Heather raises some mild suspicions that an older generation of first class passengers have it in for he...
The Puerto Rican Lotus
13 Jan 2022
Contributed by Lukas
On this episode of the Absolutely Not Podcast, Heather interviews her dear friend Jorge Collazo, about his years in the hotel biz and what it's like t...
A Light Load
05 Jan 2022
Contributed by Lukas
On this episode of the absolutely not podcast Heather is back from a tryst with Santa and hopped up on supplements & a hope and a prayer. Every...
Hunky Dory Bat Signals
29 Dec 2021
Contributed by Lukas
On this final episode of the Absolutely Not podcast of 2021- Heather ends the year strong- on an emotional rollercoaster of barely holding her shit to...
Rollerskates on an Escalator
22 Dec 2021
Contributed by Lukas
It's the end of the year and Heather is filled with all the warm fuzzies! Tune in for her year in review - she's talking gratitude and getting real ab...
Trish Strikes Again
15 Dec 2021
Contributed by Lukas
On this episode of the Absolutely Not Podcast Heather is answering all of your questions on the Absolutely Not line and noticing a common theme- Tha...
Robin's Youth Detention Center
10 Dec 2021
Contributed by Lukas
In this special bonus episode, Robin joins Heather to discuss her goals for 2022 and why she should be running a youth detention center. On the voicem...
Trigger Warning
08 Dec 2021
Contributed by Lukas
On this episode of the Absolutely Not Podcast, Heather is fresh from her tour of the Florida and Carolina coasts. It was a wild weekend of live, lau...
Rebootin' B*tch
01 Dec 2021
Contributed by Lukas
On this episode of the Absolutely Not Podcast, we're having a post-thanksgiving bitch fest because everyone has been forced into unwanted family-time ...
Sexy Shawarma
24 Nov 2021
Contributed by Lukas
On this episode of the Absolutely Not Podcast, Heather interviews her favorite, Bad bitch, female chef, Soraya Khoury- owner of Hen Mother Cookhouse i...
Google It Bitch
17 Nov 2021
Contributed by Lukas
Heather is fresh off of having her labia, ahem, I mean larynx investigated and things are rough. She is joined today by good friend and road dog Chris...
Robin's Safe Place
10 Nov 2021
Contributed by Lukas
On this episode of the Absolutely Not Podcast, Heather sits down with her mother, Judge Judy, to discuss her toddler-like behavior on the road this we...
Shake, Rattle, & Roll, BLOCK
03 Nov 2021
Contributed by Lukas
On this week's episode of the Absolutely Not Podcast Heather is triggered by a woman named Margret who wouldn't let her have her hometown sportz momen...
Labia's to the Lobby
27 Oct 2021
Contributed by Lukas
Heather is fresh off her weekend in Ohio where she had a genital injury but things are turning around now that she is reunited with her BFF, Raymond P...
Sample Platter of Life
20 Oct 2021
Contributed by Lukas
On this episode of the Absolutely Not podcast, Heather is fresh off an amazing weekend of touring and is jazzed with the spirit of the Lord, We rebuke...
Public Hot Tubs with Guest Robin McMahan
13 Oct 2021
Contributed by Lukas
On this episode of the Absolutely Not Podcast, Heather finally gets her mother to sit down and give her 10 minutes of time. Robin has an extensive pro...
Dog's On It
06 Oct 2021
Contributed by Lukas
On this episode of the Absolutely Not Podcast, Heather is jolted back into her Suburban life with paying bills and dealing with Diva Red. Nothing more...
Wellness Update: High
01 Oct 2021
Contributed by Lukas
Heather is in the Mile High City, or as she now calls it The High City. We are talking mom weed, IBS, depressed flowers and Heather's rude awakening r...
Bitching and Chitchatting with Jeff
23 Sep 2021
Contributed by Lukas
On this Special bonus Episode of Absolutely Not, Heather is once again recording from Italy before heading to the Mile-High City (Denver) to continue ...
George Clooney with Special Guest Jeff Daniels
21 Sep 2021
Contributed by Lukas
On this episode of the Absolutely Not podcast, Heather is recording from her hotel in Venice,Italy. She has already spent too much money and is waitin...
Must Be Nice!
15 Sep 2021
Contributed by Lukas
On this episode of Absolutely Not Podcast, Heather has come unhinged with the bullshit. Between Jeff's sweaty ass and everyone giving their opinion on...
Cody From New Jersey
11 Sep 2021
Contributed by Lukas
On this episode Heather breaks down her trip to Vegas, how she survived but wishes she had a scooter the whole time. She's taking your calls from t...
This Girl's Gotta Eat!
01 Sep 2021
Contributed by Lukas
Heather is joined by Ashley Hesseltine and Rayna Greenberg, hosts of the Girls Gotta Eat Podcast to chat all things tour life, unruly fans and wild co...
Spread Thick
29 Aug 2021
Contributed by Lukas
Heather is back in LA and she is hot and bothered - literally! In todays' episode Heather talks tour life, gives her best dating advice and stalks an ...
Every Body, Rock your BODY!
25 Aug 2021
Contributed by Lukas
Heather has teamed up with Old Navy for this episode all about bod-equality and being your most "boss a$$ b*tch" self. She also gets into the perils o...
Roll Tide!
21 Aug 2021
Contributed by Lukas
Heather gets down and dirty with her thoughts on the Alabama Sorority Rush craze and recounts her own experiences as a southern sorority girl! Th...
Wash Your Mouth out with Soap
18 Aug 2021
Contributed by Lukas
On this episode of the Absolutely Not Podcast, Heather is back on the road tearing it up one club at a time. She's in Arkansas and happier than a lite...
To Be Honest
11 Aug 2021
Contributed by Lukas
On this episode of the Absolutely Not Podcast, Heather answers the age-old questions of "How do I get back at my ex-fiance?", "Why is everyone an idio...
Communal Dildo
04 Aug 2021
Contributed by Lukas
On this episode of the Absolutely Not Podcast, Heather hit the Absolutely Not line with all of your insane but very valid issues. It's apparent no one...
Dirty Shirley with Raymond Padilla
28 Jul 2021
Contributed by Lukas
On this episode of the Absolutely Not Podcast, Heather checks in on her buddy and apparent Warehouse Party-goer, Ray Padilla. He is a pillar of the "L...
Reverse Results
21 Jul 2021
Contributed by Lukas
On this episode of the Absolutely Not Podcast, Heather is day 1 on a cleanse in the words of Chris Farley "STARVING OVER HERE". She is hitting the hot...
The Return of Chris Ketner
14 Jul 2021
Contributed by Lukas
On this episode of the Absolutely Not Podcast, Heather has been in her basement working on the tour and has her buddy Christopher Ketner trapped. They...
Energy Suck
08 Jul 2021
Contributed by Lukas
Heather is fresh from her vacay in the Turks and has a PSA for anyone trying to be a friggin LESLIE out there. We literally don't have time for thi...
Double Bagged
30 Jun 2021
Contributed by Lukas
On this episode of the Absolutely Not Podcast, Heather sits down with her mother and artist extraordinaire, The Red Contemporary, to discuss work, dat...
Patient Portal
23 Jun 2021
Contributed by Lukas
On this episode of Absolutely Not, Heather gets a lil pep-in-her-step after realizing she might in-fact qualify for the Olympics. After hitting the Vo...
Spanky's Retreat with the GA Law Lady!
16 Jun 2021
Contributed by Lukas
On this episode of the Absolutely Not Podcast, Heather is sitting down with her attorney & sister, Ashley McMahan. They are catching up on the wil...
Mild Anesthesia
09 Jun 2021
Contributed by Lukas
On this episode of the absolutely not podcast, Heather is literally coming out of the operating room and recording this whole podcast honestly, kinda ...
Im Going To Flawida
02 Jun 2021
Contributed by Lukas
On this episode of the Absolutely Not Podcast, Heather is on a downward spiral from injecting hormones like a Kardashian getting a BBL. When she is i...
Tool Belt of Responsibilities
26 May 2021
Contributed by Lukas
On this episode of the Absolutely Not podcast, Heather is sweating through her linen short set, anxiously awaiting her second round of egg freezing &a...
Island Lyfe Featuring Surprise Guest, Chris Ketner
20 May 2021
Contributed by Lukas
On this episode of the Absolutely Not Podcast, Heather recaps her girls weekend that felt like camp on a secret island. She has returned, sunburned, r...
Low Hanging Fruit with Jackie Schimmel, Host of The Bitch Bible
12 May 2021
Contributed by Lukas
On this episode of the Absolutely Not Podcast, Heather has friend and fellow bitchy podcaster, Jackie Schimmel in the house, literally, she's at Robin...
Who Died?
05 May 2021
Contributed by Lukas
On this episode of the Absolutely Not Podcast, Heather is breaking down her medical blunders and asking y'all why the hell you're living with regret. ...
Lil Sheeba
28 Apr 2021
Contributed by Lukas
On this episode of the Absolutely Not Podcast, Heather updates you on her doozie of a medical issue and realizes that she isn't the "pillar of the fe...
Pack of Skanks
21 Apr 2021
Contributed by Lukas
On this episode of the absolutely not podcast, Heather is talking about civilian chemistry and mixed signals from her stallion. She is spiraling from ...
Pu$$Y Poppin
15 Apr 2021
Contributed by Lukas
On this episode Heather breaks down one of her most embarrassing moments from this past weekend at the airport and explains why no one knows how to be...
Raymond Padilla Wellness Check
07 Apr 2021
Contributed by Lukas
Heather catches up with friend and OG podcast guest Raymond Padilla! They discuss Ray's recent move to New York (spoiler: its been a bumpy ride) and h...
Take That Trish!
31 Mar 2021
Contributed by Lukas
On this episode of the Absolutely Not podcast, Heather claps back at herself bc the hormones are making her feel like a genetically modified chicken t...
Pregnant Pirates Meet Olivia Benson
24 Mar 2021
Contributed by Lukas
On this episode of the Absolutely Not Podcast, Heather Breaks down her recent surprise in the Turks and all the trouble she stirred up in Charleston. ...
Hollywood Tower of Terror
17 Mar 2021
Contributed by Lukas
On this episode of the Absolutely Not Podcast, Heather chats with herself in a downward spiral about this dumbest shit ever, per usual. It's her birth...
Spilling the English Breakfast Tea
10 Mar 2021
Contributed by Lukas
Heather's long time friend and fellow thespian extraordinaire, Tina T, is in town and the ladies are spilling the literal HIGH TEA on their weekend de...
ET, TU BRUTE?
03 Mar 2021
Contributed by Lukas
On this episode of the absolutely not podcast Heather is stepping in her pisces self-loathing season and realizing her physical well being is importan...
Sisterhood of the Traveling Wind Breaker
24 Feb 2021
Contributed by Lukas
On this episode of the Absolutely Not Podcast Heather checks in on her friends down in the hill country and has some major Absolutely Nots. She isn’...
Shout Out To Maurice with Jeff Daniels AKA The Italian Stallion
17 Feb 2021
Contributed by Lukas
On this episode of the Absolutely Not Podcast, Heather interviews her husband, Jeff Daniels on all things love and marriage. It's Valentine's week and...
Reach for the Stars
10 Feb 2021
Contributed by Lukas
On this episode of the Absolutely Not Podcast, Heather is about to lose her shit with EVERYONE and clearly y'all are on the same wavelength. The voice...
LEFT BEHIND
03 Feb 2021
Contributed by Lukas
On this episode of the Absolutely Not Podcast, Heather Breaks down what's been happening these past two weeks. It's a RAW AND REAL episode full of zer...
Wellness Check: How YOU doin?!
27 Jan 2021
Contributed by Lukas
Ask and you shall receive! This week, Heather is responding to YOUR voicemails on the Absolutely Not Line. Buckle up, hunker down and get ready to lau...
Half Owl with Ashley McMahan
20 Jan 2021
Contributed by Lukas
On this episode of the Absolutely Not podcast, Heather is chatting with her sister, the GA Law Lady about vax'n their mom, basic childhood trauma and ...
EVERYTHING HAPPENS FOR A REASON
13 Jan 2021
Contributed by Lukas
On this episode of the Absolutely Not Podcast, Heather spins her New Years Wheels straight to crazy town. She has no fucking idea what is happening in...
Supply and Demand with Benito Skinner AKA @bennydrama7
06 Jan 2021
Contributed by Lukas
On this episode of the Absolutely Not podcast Heather sits down with her favorite comedian and BFF Benny Drama to discuss their major glow-ups. Benny ...
Winslet Wellness Check
30 Dec 2020
Contributed by Lukas
On this episode of the Absolutely Not Podcast, Heather is majorly concerned with Kate Winslet's wellbeing and whereabouts. She answers your insane End...
Health, Wellness and Botox with Arielle Lorre
23 Dec 2020
Contributed by Lukas
Heather is joined by Arielle Lorre, host of The Blonde Files Podcast to talk all things self care, motivation, wellness and how she overcame perso...
Funeral Arrangements with Jackie Schimmel
16 Dec 2020
Contributed by Lukas
On this episode of the Absolutely Not Podcast, Heather interviews dear friend, host of The Bitch Bible Podcast and CYA next Tuesday companion, Jackie...
Fried Fridays and Online Dating with guest, Elizabeth Howard
09 Dec 2020
Contributed by Lukas
Heather Sits down with one of her oldest and dearest Delta Gamma sisters, Elizabeth Howard, to discuss the trials and tribulations of online dating wi...
Calories Don't Count, RICK
02 Dec 2020
Contributed by Lukas
On this episode of the Absolutely Not Podcast, Heather breaks down the age old question.... "Why exactly does Jeff sleep with tape on his mouth AND st...
Has Anyone Seen My Tooth? with Guest Casey Balsham
25 Nov 2020
Contributed by Lukas
On this episode of the Absolutely Not Podcast, Heather interviews fellow comedian, Casey Balsham of the SHADY SHIT podcast! Casey is literally looking...
OASIS GOODTIME EMPORIUM
18 Nov 2020
Contributed by Lukas
On this episode of the Absolutely Not Podcast, Heather is sweating through her shirt dealing with one technological meltdown after another. Sis can'...
HEART HEALTHY with guest Christopher Ketner
11 Nov 2020
Contributed by Lukas
On this episode of the Absolutely Not Podcast, Heather chats with her friend, Christopher Ketner on some raw dog topics of how their bullshit threshol...
TWO DICKS TOO MANY
04 Nov 2020
Contributed by Lukas
On this episode of the Absolutely Not Podcast, Heather shares a cool comedy experience that is literally giving her a will to live. There is a light a...
Keeping Up with the McMahan's
28 Oct 2020
Contributed by Lukas
Heather sits down with Big Red and the Georgia Law Lady, also known as her mom and sister for a deep dive into internet scammers and the hot mess that...
Jennifer Lawrence: She's Got An Oscar, I've Got Sciatica
21 Oct 2020
Contributed by Lukas
On this episode of the Absolutely Not Podcast, Heather interviews a true acting icon and apparently the podcast's biggest fan, Jennifer Lawrence. Yes,...
CANADIAN SK8R BOI
15 Oct 2020
Contributed by Lukas
On this episode of the Absolutely Not Podcast, Heather is in her last week of Canada Glory. She has become a local, eating the fish, wearing the beani...
Doing Zoomies in Europe
07 Oct 2020
Contributed by Lukas
On this episode of the Absolutely Not Podcast, Heather is revved up after a wild tweet that sent her into a tailspin of laughter, confusion and sadn...
ADD IT TO THE LIST, MIKE
30 Sep 2020
Contributed by Lukas
On this episode of the Absolutely Not Podcast Heather uncovers some uncomfortable truths about herself and gives you a full rundown of her last week ...
GO FUND ME FROM CANADA
23 Sep 2020
Contributed by Lukas
Heather is on the brink of a full blown meltdown coming to ya live from a new state-sanctioned Quarantine north of the border in Canada. She's in town...
IM A SALESGUY
16 Sep 2020
Contributed by Lukas
On this episode of the Absolutely Not Podcast, Heather's dear friend, Andrew Collin, is here to bitch and swindle his way back into our hearts. He's s...
STUCK UNDER THE TRUNDLE-BED TRISH
09 Sep 2020
Contributed by Lukas
On this episode of the Absolutely Not Podcast, Heather has hit her September shit show wall and is literally stuck under a trundle-bed of emotion. She...