Armchair Anonymous: Children's Party
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What crazy children's party stories are shared in this episode?
Wondery Plus subscribers can listen to Armchair Expert early and ad-free right now. Join Wondery Plus in the Wondery app or on Apple Podcasts, or you can listen for free wherever you get your podcasts. Welcome, welcome, welcome to Armchair Anonymous. I'm Buck Rogers, and I'm joined by Jean Lightyear. Today is children's birthday parties run amok.
Well, you know, these children, they're wild.
They're terrible.
And you just don't know what's going to happen.
Although a lot of these stories, the parents are terrible. You know, it bounces back and forth nicely. Please enjoy Crazy Birthday Party Stories. Can you hear us? Yes, I can hear you. Can you hear me? Yeah. I don't know if anyone's ever sounded better.
I like the setup. It looks profesh.
This is one of those huge blankets. Do you remember those ads on Instagram a couple years ago?
I didn't get targeted, but I'm surprised.
Me neither. Like, how big are we talking?
Would it cover the whole floor of a bedroom? Huge. I got it for my husband for Valentine's Day. It's like four blankets in one. Oh, wonderful. Like 20 by 20 maybe or something. Yeah. And where are you? I'm in West Orange, New Jersey. It's like right outside New York City. That's my first time hearing West Orange. You'll be happy to know, Monica. I can't say anything about the geography of it. I'm just learning. You can do whatever you want. OK, Justin, you have a crazy children's birthday party story.
I do. But first, because if I forget, she'll kill me. My best friend Gia turned me on to you guys.
Shut up.
She's a day one armchair obsessed. Then during quarantine lockdown, I got into it and I fell in love, obviously, too. And then Monica, I started listening when you're doing your egg retrieval. My husband and I were going through the process as well to have our daughter, which we had her. She's here.
Oh, congratulations.
Thank you. But it was so helpful just to hear your experience with the egg retrieval. Because not just women who are doing it, but families like ours who can't have a kid naturally, just to hear every detail of what you went through was really, really helpful.
Thank you.
Then looking you up, I was like, she looks really familiar to me and I couldn't figure it out. And I lived in LA for 10 years.
Oh.
Soul cycle. I used to bartend at the Abbey for four years and I was like, did I maybe make her a drink at some point?
I think I've been to the Abbey once. So maybe you'd have a great memory.
You must have been fucking slain bartending at the Abbey. Were you just living your greatest life? Yes. It was good that I got out.
But this story, this was 2003. I had just graduated from Mason Gross, which is the acting conservatory at Rutgers. So I was 23. I just moved to New York City. I was living in Astoria, Queens in this little closet that was a bedroom. And I was waiting tables at Hard Rock Cafe. Oh, yes. Great nachos. I got a job there. I thought it would be cool. And they were like, you need New York experience to work here. So I lied. And so it was a Saturday night, super crazy busy. A lot of tourists come through. So the tips kind of suck. You're working with a constant feeling of rage. And I get sat with a birthday party. So it's the mom, the dad, and about eight 10-year-old girls. Oh, wow. So I approach the table, and I'm like, let me get this drink order. And via the drink order, I learn a few things. First is that this is a family of privilege.
I mean, a Hard Rock Cafe birthday, yeah, that's fancy.
That's a pricey, yeah, you're spending $600, $700 for those little girls to have dinner.
Nachos. They brought these kids into the city for a night, and they want to impress the parents of these other little girls. The birthday girls got, like, full beat, hair done. So I'm taking their drink orders. They're all like milkshake. They're talking down to me. The mom's like, these are the only Chardonnays you have. And I'm like, well, Campbell Jackson's are top. And she's like, I guess that'll do. The dad's like, beer, keep it coming. I'm like, he'll be on my side tonight. I come back and I'm like, let's get the appetizers. Now, in our pre-shift meeting, every shift, they sit us down and they're like, you must upsell. You must sell souvenir glasses. They threaten us to get good shifts and good sections.
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