How Childhood Shapes Your Boundaries and How to Change!
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What is the main topic discussed in this episode?
For some of us, our wisdom grows as we get older, and for some of us, we just get older. But as long as we have breath in our lungs, we have the ability to change.
You've written The Balancing Act, and you want to create tools for people to implement healthy boundaries for themselves. So what was life like for you when you were a little girl?
I knew something was off. Both of your parents were alcoholics. It's very easy to assume. If they loved me enough, they would stop drinking. And we're adults now, but many of us carry it on. Like at work, you're doing the co-worker's work. You're the friend who's over helping. You're the partner who's burnout. So let's talk about physical boundaries, emotional boundaries, time boundaries.
I think we do boundaries wrong when we... Sexual boundaries, I always think are quite interesting. How do you navigate that nowadays?
If you're getting into a new relationship, what's really important is to... Nedra, thank you so much for joining me on Begin Again.
I am really looking forward to deep diving into all of the things you're particularly knowledgeable about because I just think it's going to really help people. live a life they love through building healthy relationships and that's what it's all about. Connection. Yeah. So the first thing I think I'd like to ask you about, because obviously you've written this amazing book about boundaries, but also now we've got The Balancing Act, is what is a boundary?
Well, a boundary is how we display our needs, our expectations. We can do it through our behavior, or sometimes we speak those boundaries to other people. It is the solution when we're having problems. It is the way that we regain our focus and energy in life.
Okay, listen, I was just wondering, you know the subscribe button down there? Could you just press it? That would be so helpful. It doesn't cost anything, completely free, but it really, really helps us bring you fab guests. We really want to do that.
Boundaries are an ever evolving conversation. I don't think we'll get to the end of the topic, but it will evolve as as we age, as we grow as humans. It's like, OK, boundaries 20 years ago wasn't technology. But guess what? Now we have inserted technology into the conversation of boundaries.
Can I ask you about the different because the technology was the last boundary that you can set. But can I ask you about all the different types of boundaries?
So in set boundaries, find peace. I talk about physical boundaries, emotional boundaries, intellectual boundaries, time boundaries. You know, time boundaries is one of those things we put on other people a lot. Like, oh, my gosh, you're taking advantage of my time. And it's. It's our time. We control it. I think the parts you're talking about with technology is your boundaries with yourself, your boundaries with family, your boundaries at work. Like there's so many places for us to utilize boundaries. And I don't think we apply it to every scenario. Very often people say, I have poor boundaries. And I'm like, well, in what area? Yes. Because you can have great boundaries with your partner and terrible boundaries with your kids.
Yes. You have great boundaries at work and terrible boundaries with technology.
I guess my biggest moment in my life of boundary setting was with my kids. I got really good at it, but it was always a verbal thing. Okay. Thing. I put something down. And then if they did the thing and I said, but this was going to happen if they did the thing, I would make sure that it was implemented. I was quite strict. I was not a strict mother, but with a boundary I was strict. And it set me up, I think, to help me in later life. I don't think I had good boundaries before I had kids. It was quite interesting. So kids brought out the boundary. Yes. Well, it made me realize how safe it made them feel. If you know what I mean.
Yeah. When I think about kids and boundaries, some of the unspoken boundaries. And I guess it's a little bit about what you said earlier. Like I'll say, hey, if you don't knock, you can't come in.
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Chapters
5 chapters
1
What is the main topic discussed in this episode?
0:00–5:07
2
What is a boundary and how does Nedra define it?
5:07–10:42
3
How should parents set boundaries with children to create emotional safety?
10:42–32:15
4
How did growing up around addiction shape Nedra’s understanding of boundaries?
32:15–1:02:17
5
How can you respond when someone reacts badly or gives you the silent treatment?
1:02:17–1:03:13
Speakers
2 identifiedMore from Begin Again with Davina McCall
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