The Emotion Few Talk About, But Many Feel

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The Curiosity Shop with Brené Brown and Adam Grant 57 min 5 speakers 8 chapters transcribed 4 months ago
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What is the main topic discussed in this episode?

Unknown 0:01
What to Make of a Life is the new book from Jim Collins, bestselling author of Good to Great. Based on 10 years of research, What to Make of a Life offers transformative teachings on what it takes to navigate your way through periods of fog, make it past life's inevitable cliffs, and keep the inner fire burning bright, long, and late.

What are the basics of shame and its impact?

Unknown 0:21
Step into frame with What to Make of a Life, the instant New York Times bestseller by Jim Collins. Available from HarperEdge, wherever books are sold.
Adam Grant 0:33
Welcome to The Curiosity Shop, a show from the Fox Media Podcast Network.
Brené Brown 0:43
I'm Brene Brown.
Adam Grant 0:44
And I'm Adam Grant.
Brené Brown 0:45
We're glad you're here.

What does recent research reveal about humiliation?

Adam Grant 0:46
Absolutely.
Brené Brown 0:47
What are we talking about today? Okay. We're going to talk. I'm going to tell you a really quick, funny story. We're going to talk about shame.

How is humiliation defined and understood?

Adam Grant 0:53
Oh, I've always wanted to talk about shame.
Brené Brown 0:54
Have you?
Adam Grant 0:55
Yeah. I have a ton of questions for you about it.

Why do people struggle to outgrow feelings of shame?

Brené Brown 0:57
Okay. This is a really funny story. When we were, when I was first doing the shame research, this was probably 20 something years ago, we were running a group in a domestic violence shelter, piloting a curriculum. And like the third group we ran, the self-nominated leader came up and said, I've met with everyone in the group. We have a proposal. And I said, okay, great. And it's always good to know who the emerging leader is in a group situation. And she said, we don't like the word shame. And I was like, oh, that's going to be tough because it's a shame resilience group. And she said, we would like to moving forward say shame instead. And so for the next nine weeks, when people would be sharing or when I'd be talking about it or the co-facilitator, who's actually the clinician, I was the researcher, you know, someone would say, listen, I was so, that really put me into some really deep shame.

What strategies can help individuals overcome shame?

Brené Brown 1:48
And so, yes.
Adam Grant 1:50
That's hilarious. So you take the shame out of shame by mispronouncing it.
Brené Brown 1:53
Yeah. You know why? Because just the word shame can elicit, it's got a contagion to it that's hard for people.
Adam Grant 2:01
I can absolutely see that. Can you see that? Yeah.

How can one reconnect their brain after experiencing shame?

Adam Grant 2:04
I mean, frankly, I mean, did you see what happened to the Michigan football program last fall? Oh, yeah. Anybody. I grew up in Michigan.

In what ways is shame connected to imposter syndrome?

Adam Grant 2:13
I went to grad school there. A lot of my family went there. I've been a diehard Wolverine fan forever. And it's hard not to escape the feeling of shame there. But we won a national championship. So I'm feeling a little better.
Brené Brown 2:23
You did win the natty. Congratulations.
Adam Grant 2:25
Thank you.
Brené Brown 2:25
What a slugfest game.
Adam Grant 2:28
It was not.
Brené Brown 2:29
Against UConn.
Adam Grant 2:29
It was a little ugly.
Brené Brown 2:30
Yeah, it was a little ugly, but congratulations.
Adam Grant 2:32
Thank you.
Brené Brown 2:33
I will proudly say, go... Is it this? Michigan, is this the sign?
Adam Grant 2:39
I've never done that.
Brené Brown 2:40
Oh. I don't know. I'm big into the signs of the mascots. So we're going to talk about Charmé.
Adam Grant 2:46
All right. I'm ready.
Brené Brown 2:47
Okay. So where do you want to start? You want to start with the basics? You're the shame expert. Yeah. I mean... Yeah, so I always start like with a one, two, threes. One, we all have it. Two, no one wants to talk about it. And three, the less you talk about it, the more you have it. So I am thinking about doing, again, this was two decades ago, doing grand rounds and- At a hospital. At a hospital, psychiatric department. And afterwards, the head of the psychiatric department came up and said- This is the first conversation I've been here for 30 years that we've ever had on shame. And it's the number one presenting issue we deal with. No one is talking about it. And at this exact same time, I was having my PhD students do a content analysis to see in all of the primary texts that are adopted across psychology, social work, counseling.
Brené Brown 3:47
How much are we talking about shame? And at that time, which again, it would have been 1998, we found one chapter and it was written by me in 70 texts. Wow. Yeah, this is one of those things that we have become very slow to talk about because of the contagion of the word itself. So when we talk about diagnoses or we talk about issues, we can find some comfort in us and them, but there is no us and them in shame. To be alive, you know it.

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