Decoding Narcissism, Manipulation And Toxic Ideas, with Frederik Ribersson
Episodes
132. Is It Me? When A Group Goes Weird
20 Dec 2025
Contributed by Lukas
From one day to the next, a whole group of people goes weird. But no one says anything. Are we just imagining things? Maybe we did something wrong? So...
131. Using Emotions To Navigate (Toxic) Relationships
22 Nov 2025
Contributed by Lukas
Learn how to use emotions to detect toxic signals in a relationship, symptoms of unhealthy relationships, and noticing when something is off. As well ...
130. Getting Our Energy (And Lives) Back
17 Nov 2025
Contributed by Lukas
Toxic relationships are draining. And managing our energy is crucial in order to get our lives back. I share some thoughts and tips around this, while...
129. How To Trust Again After A Narcissist?
16 Nov 2025
Contributed by Lukas
After we trusted too easily, too much the wrong person, what do we do? Shutting down and no longer trusting anyone is safe. But... It leads to a very ...
128. Picking Up On Toxic Signals In Real Time - Real Story
26 Oct 2025
Contributed by Lukas
I noticed a series of strange signals before things get really weird - but I reacted calmly: I was prepared, this time. I'd started speaking with ...
127. Reputation Destruction (Smear Campaign): Decoding, Debunking and Managing A Toxic Ex Colleague
18 Oct 2025
Contributed by Lukas
A friend was upset: he's fallen out with an ex colleague, whom I happen to know. He was worried because of a former "colleague" who was ...
126. Why Narcissists HATE When People Talk To Each Other Unsupervised
04 Oct 2025
Contributed by Lukas
Narcissists HATE people talking. Why? Because they can't control what is said. They don't know what is said. That creates uncertainty and redu...
125. How To Identify Conflicting Goals, or Why Relationships with Narcissists Cannot Work
26 Sep 2025
Contributed by Lukas
One of the most helpful tools in systemic therapy is identifying primary and secondary goals. Otherwise we get hypnotised by words.I say I want to run...
124. Reputation Destruction & Narcissists: How To Debunk & Charlie Kirk's Assassination
26 Sep 2025
Contributed by Lukas
One of the first things narcissists do to make people take sides, such as after a break up, is Reputation Destruction. They will not only gossip, but ...
123. Legitimate Criticism? How To Find Out (With A Real World Example)
30 Aug 2025
Contributed by Lukas
How can we tell if criticism is legitimate? Let's take a comment left on this podcast to see how we can test criticism to take onboard anything wo...
122. Grieving a "Narcissist" The Right Way
28 Jul 2025
Contributed by Lukas
Grief helps us move on. But grieving a "narcissist" presents specific challenges. Get it wrong, and we're stuck for too long. But get it...
121. How Narcissists Use TONE To Control Use
29 Jun 2025
Contributed by Lukas
Ever notice how narcissists (and others) use tone to mock someone they want us to disagree with? Sometimes it's baby voice: "And they said &q...
120. Clear Thinking Beats Narcissists: Happy Birthday To A Major Inspiration of This Podcast And What You Can Do
08 Jun 2025
Contributed by Lukas
Life during and after toxic relationships can feel like hell. And sometimes we find helpful ideas that help us get our life back together. I try to sh...
119. Is Shame How Narcissists Hijack Us? Some Thoughts
07 Jun 2025
Contributed by Lukas
Shame makes us look away, and that makes us MUCH more vulnerable to narcissists. But it's possible to recognise when we're feeling shame and S...
118. Bad Advice on Dealing With Toxic People? 8 Mistakes To Avoid
17 May 2025
Contributed by Lukas
I saw a post on social media about 8 mistakes to avoid when dealing with toxic people and... I disagree with nearly all of it. In this episode, I run ...
117. Disarm A Narcissist: "Oh, you're being dogmatic?"
21 Mar 2025
Contributed by Lukas
Dogmatic people refuse to change their minds about topics. However, until we realise this, we can assume people are open to new facts or blind spots. ...
116. How A Narcissist Hijacked A Group - And Lessons Learned
13 Mar 2025
Contributed by Lukas
I went to an event and it was weird. One person was being hyper negative, hijacked the event, made people uncomfortable - and some "flying monkey...
115. Narcissists See You As FUNGIBLE
08 Mar 2025
Contributed by Lukas
Fungibility is a term used in economics to describe "items that can be mixed without differentiating the source". For example, if you and I ...
114. Offense In Absentia? Narcissists Pretend To Be Offended On Behalf Of Others
07 Jan 2025
Contributed by Lukas
Narcissists love pretending to be offended. It puts them at the centre of attention, they can pretend cry, get sympathy, bully others. But this is not...
113. Complain or Describe? How Narcissists Project And Accuse You of Complaining When You Want to Problem Solve
05 Nov 2024
Contributed by Lukas
Narcissists will accuse people of doing EXACTLY what they are doing. If you see a problem and want to make an accurate diagnostic, they will accuse yo...
112. Why Do We Obsess Over (and Repeat Date) Narcissists?
30 Aug 2024
Contributed by Lukas
After a toxic relationship, it can be common to obsess over what happened - and even date more people who present the same symptoms of personality dis...
111. Narcissists Red Flags, Red Lights or... Red Herrings?
19 Aug 2024
Contributed by Lukas
Knowing red flags is helpful in avoiding narcissists BUT if we conflate them with red lights, it can PREVENT us from actually moving forward. It is vi...
110. 6 Levels of Lying & The 2 That Narcissists and Cults Use
07 Aug 2024
Contributed by Lukas
There are 6 levels of lying, from the least bad to the absolute worst. Once we recognise them, we are less easy to manipulate and be gaslit. The level...
109. Spotting A Narcissist's Lie: Story Time
29 Jul 2024
Contributed by Lukas
Laura was a guest in a guesthouse. But she acted as though we were her guests: she bossed people around, and was obnoxious. But one lie she told uncov...
108. How I Deprogramed Someone After A Toxic Relationship
19 Jul 2024
Contributed by Lukas
She had had a bad breakup after 20 years with someone, 15 of which he had been obnoxious and presented symptoms of having a personality disorder. And ...
107. Narcissists' Mesh Network of Lies - and Narrative Collapse
12 Jul 2024
Contributed by Lukas
Narcissists rely on lies that are propped up by other lies. Why? It makes it easier for them to manipulate us. It is hard to believe one person can li...
106. 8 Signs We Have Been Brainwashed
20 Jun 2024
Contributed by Lukas
Narcissists and cults, whether spiritual or political, brainwash people in order to control them. Fortunately, there are certain tells that we have be...
105. Do NOT Read Between the Lines With Narcissists - Ask This Instead?
14 Jun 2024
Contributed by Lukas
Narcissists lie, a lot. And for the lies to work, they rely (pun?) on us "reading between the lines". While this is a good idea with healthy...
104. This Drives Narcissists Nuts, Shuts Them Up (And Is Satisfying)
06 Jun 2024
Contributed by Lukas
Narcissists count on us to politely fill the blanks. And they like to be obnoxious to trigger us. But what happens when we don't do what they want...
103. Early Warning Signs of A Narcissist (or A Jerk)
30 May 2024
Contributed by Lukas
I share two stories of meeting people and they did something that was really off, signalling with high probability they might be narcissists. Or at le...
101. Clumsy or Self Sabotage: Decoding Narcissist’s « I was unlucky » narrative
26 May 2024
Contributed by Lukas
Everyone makes bad decisions sometimes. So it’s easy to assume that all bad decisions are « good faith bad decisions ». But narcissists game thi...
102. Why Are Narcissists Mean (and Then Nice)?
26 May 2024
Contributed by Lukas
Toxic people and narcissists are often mean. And then nice. Or first nice, and then mean. And it seems to make no sense. But there is a really good re...
100. What Does A Risk / Reward Analysis of Toxic Relationships and Narcissists Show?
09 May 2024
Contributed by Lukas
Narcissists are a bad deal. So let's see if tools used to analyse deals can help us identify toxic relationships and make more sense of why they a...
099. Recognising (And Debunking) Narc Logic
02 May 2024
Contributed by Lukas
It is increasingly common for people to think like narcissists. And until we're aware of what that looks like, there is a risk we do too. We know ...
098. Mistakes About Narcissism
25 Apr 2024
Contributed by Lukas
There are some common mistakes people make around narcissism. These mistakes PREVENT people from moving on, getting their lives back on track - they t...
097. Narcissists & Groups: 6 Stages They Follow to Infiltrate, Take Over and Corrupt
19 Apr 2024
Contributed by Lukas
Narcissists love to infiltrate and take over groups. It's less effort than creating a group. There are certain patterns they follow. I observe 6 s...
096. "Is It Even Knoweable?" - Debunking Narcissists Ridiculous Claims
10 Apr 2024
Contributed by Lukas
Narcissists will claim to know a lot. They will appear certain. And yet, many of the things they claim to know are... unknowable. Or it is not possibl...
095. Debunking Terrible Suggestions On Dealing With Narcissists
01 Apr 2024
Contributed by Lukas
I just came across an article "what words can destroy a narcissist" on some website. I think it was generated by AI. And it was full of real...
094. 6 Manipulation Tricks Cults and Narcissists Use: How To Recognise Them and Ungaslight Ourselves
31 Mar 2024
Contributed by Lukas
Cults and Narcissists use nearly identical manipulation tricks that are very effective - until we recognise them and debunk them. In this episode I sh...
093. 11 Mistakes Around Narcissism Most People Make
17 Mar 2024
Contributed by Lukas
Here is a sneak preview of some ideas I explore in the book I am writing on narcissism. I finally found an angle I think is relevant and would love to...
092. 10 Signs of Narc Logic / Mindvirus - And Why They're BS
03 Mar 2024
Contributed by Lukas
Narcissists use convoluted / stupid thinking to manipulate others and defend low quality ideas. Once we recognise HOW narcissists think, it becomes ea...
091. Therapy & Narcissism: Mistakes To Avoid & My Experience
01 Mar 2024
Contributed by Lukas
Is therapy helpful after being with a narcissist? Is all therapy equal? What are some things to look out for? What was my experience working with a th...
090. "Out of Line"? Or... Healthy Boundaries?
20 Feb 2024
Contributed by Lukas
When a friend's new partner starts employing Isolation Tactics, or Loyalty Challenge, when they are trying to create conflict between the friend a...
089. How Narcissists Gaslight Us With Rupars (And What Is A Rupar?)
14 Feb 2024
Contributed by Lukas
Narcissists use Rupars to gaslight us. The technique is obnoxious, and effective, and can make us hallucinate they are right, and we are wrong. So wha...
088. The 2 Reasons Why Narcissists Don't Admit They're Wrong
13 Feb 2024
Contributed by Lukas
Why don't narcissists admit when they get something wrong? There are two reasons. Until we understand them, we are likely to try to get them to se...
087. "You Must Be Exaggerating!" When people don't believe you - and what to say
08 Feb 2024
Contributed by Lukas
When you first realise that someone matches the profile of a narcissist, and you tell your friends, many people will not believe you. There are some c...
086. How Narcissists and Cults Wear People Down
30 Jan 2024
Contributed by Lukas
Narcissists and cults use similar manipulation tactics to wear people down. In this livestream from YouTube, I share some thoughts.
085. Is This The First Symptom Of A Toxic Dynamic?
29 Jan 2024
Contributed by Lukas
What is the first sign of a toxic dynamic? We often look for behaviours and patterns, but maybe the first sign is a feeling we have, a sinking feeling...
084. Why Narcissists Wear Us Down (And What To Do About It)
16 Jan 2024
Contributed by Lukas
Narcissists wear us down. It's the same tactics cults use. And their programming will stay with us for years, until we undo it. So the abuse conti...
083. Why Relationships With Narcissists Are Designed to Fail (and a secret tell)
10 Jan 2024
Contributed by Lukas
Relationships with narcissists can't work out. And the reason is obvious, once we see it. A client was asking if things failed because of what she...
082. Getting Free From Narcissists: Start Here: Tips for 2024
08 Jan 2024
Contributed by Lukas
Though we don't control 100% of our lives, we control more than 0.0% of them. Getting away (and staying away) from narcissists is easier when we m...
081. Married To A Narcissist, With Kids: What happened When She Left? (Dr Heidi Brocke Interview)
05 Jan 2024
Contributed by Lukas
Dr Heidi Brocke realised she was married to a narcissist. They had children. She took the incredibly difficult decision to leave, and leave her childr...
080. Manage Your Expectations Over Christmas With Narcissists
25 Dec 2023
Contributed by Lukas
How can a simple 0 to 10 scale help us have a better Christmas, even with narcissists? How can it help us manage our expectations, get less wound up, ...
079. Limiting A Narcissist's Damage: Christmas Tips
25 Dec 2023
Contributed by Lukas
Christmas is supposed to be a wonderful time with our loved ones. But all it takes is one narcissist to spoil this time. Here are a few tips to rememb...
078. Why Are Narcissists So Annoying?
18 Dec 2023
Contributed by Lukas
Narcissists are really annoying. Often. But why? Some common beliefs make them hard to understand, but once we see clearly, it makes more sense. I had...
077. Getting A Narcissist to Leave You?
11 Dec 2023
Contributed by Lukas
Breaking up with a narcissist can be a nightmare, if you decide to: emotional manipulation, guilt tripping, hoovering and more are common as means to ...
076. The First Narcissist Red Flag Is A Test
06 Dec 2023
Contributed by Lukas
With narcissists, there always is a first moment we sense something is wrong. A strange look. A fight coming out of nowhere. A suggestion they think w...
075. Why Don't Narcissists Change?
04 Dec 2023
Contributed by Lukas
We often wonder why narcissists don't change. It seems illogical, yet it is what we observe. But... why would they change? Here are some thoughts...
074. Exposing Narcissists' Games
01 Dec 2023
Contributed by Lukas
Narcissists play toxic games. Many of these are common and can be recognised. In this episode, I share some tips to recognise games and we analyse a f...
073. Recogise A Narcissist's Double Standards When Arguing
10 Nov 2023
Contributed by Lukas
Narcissists use double standards to create conflict. How? They escalate debates using semi-bad faith methods, being a bit provocative - but when we ma...
072. Choose Your Enemies Wisely (And Why Narcissists Don't Want You To)
02 Nov 2023
Contributed by Lukas
Narcissists want us to turn against the people who actually have our backs. Why? It isolates us, makes us easier to manipulate - and makes it easier f...
071. Calling Out A Narcissist's BS
01 Nov 2023
Contributed by Lukas
When talking with narcissists and toxic people, we can get caught in bad faith arguments. How can we recognise this and avoid getting stuck in narc lo...
070. The "Heads or Tails" Parable + Explanation
22 Oct 2023
Contributed by Lukas
Narcissists trick us into interacting with them. How? This short parable illustrates some of their tricks - and the second part of this episode decons...
069. Why Warning People About Narcissists Rarely Works
08 Oct 2023
Contributed by Lukas
If you have ever tried to warn people that someone might be a narcissist or is toxic, you probably noticed it almost never works. Why is that? In this...
068. Toxic People Know How to Keep Us Off Balance: Psychometrics and Narcissism (Dr Stewart Desson)
07 Oct 2023
Contributed by Lukas
Psychometrics can be key in understanding ourselves in general. However, they become particularly illuminating when we seek to understand toxic dynami...
020. Avoiding Stupid Arguments - the Picnic Metaphor
05 Oct 2023
Contributed by Lukas
Narcissists conflate us describing things as they are, with saying how we want things to be. Using this simple picnic metaphor can help us avoid this ...
067. A Masterclass In Abuse At A Reastaurant
04 Oct 2023
Contributed by Lukas
Last night I witnessed a woman abusing her boyfriend over dinner. She operated in 6 stages to break him down. I share those six stages and some ways t...
066. Discarded or Shrugged off? When a narcissist breaks up with us.
02 Oct 2023
Contributed by Lukas
When a narcissist breaks up with us, that is commonly referred to as a "discard". However, today I came across a tweet from psychotherapist ...
065. How "Setting Boundaries" Led To Him Leaving (Kylie Borg Interview)
01 Oct 2023
Contributed by Lukas
Kylie Borg was in a toxic relationship and, as often is the case, she did not realise it. Little by little, things got worse, until one day she set he...
064. Divorce Lawyer: Don’t Make These Mistakes In Court Against A Narcissist (Henry Crisp Interview)
23 Sep 2023
Contributed by Lukas
Why would a divorce lawyer need to learn about narcissism? Why is "trying to prove to the court that your ex is a narcissist" a losing strat...
063. Getting Better Outcomes By NOT Hoping To Get Justice Or Closure From Others
08 Sep 2023
Contributed by Lukas
It's understandable to want justice or closure. And it works best when it comes from within.
016. Negotiating With A Narcissist Using FBI Hostage Negotiation Tactics
07 Sep 2023
Contributed by Lukas
Narcissists are about as reasonable as hostage takers. Though perhaps less so. However, we can learn some techniques from FBI hostage negotiators that...
062. The 4 Fear Narcissists Exploit In Others (DISC Model)
07 Sep 2023
Contributed by Lukas
We all have fears, and some fear are actually quite common. Once we realise this, we see how narcissists will exploit different fears in different peo...
061. How to UNGASLIGHT Yourself After A Narcissist
06 Sep 2023
Contributed by Lukas
Narcissists confuse us by lying to us and gaslighting us. It can be awfully hard to figure out what is true, and what is false. However, there are som...
010. Aiming upwards in life vs narcissists
31 Aug 2023
Contributed by Lukas
We can choose to aim upwards - narcissists will aim downwards, and try to drag everyone down with them.
060. Taking Apart A Narcissist's Mindvirus and BS
03 Jul 2023
Contributed by Lukas
Narcissists hide their manipulation behind word salad that sounds like logic, but that does not resist the test of logic. In this episode, I give some...
059. A Narcissist on a Plane
10 Jun 2023
Contributed by Lukas
I recently witnessed a narcissist verbally assault cabin crew on a plane. Luckily I was there to help them realise this woman was not just a bit weird...
058. Tips to get your life back on track.
06 Jun 2023
Contributed by Lukas
Getting over narcissists and getting our life back on track can be really tough. Of course, we want to understand better what happened. AND at the sam...
057. Why Do Narcissists Despise Their Partners?
26 Apr 2023
Contributed by Lukas
Narcissists despite their partners. Especially if the partner leaves them. This can be baffling. But there is a very, very logical reason for this. N...
056. Narcissists Hurt Others On Purpose
20 Apr 2023
Contributed by Lukas
Hurt people hurt people. Ok great, now what? Well, some people don't intent to hurt others. And some people intend to hurt others, with glee, and ...
055. The Key To Decode A Narcissist's Lies & Recognise A Victim
26 Feb 2023
Contributed by Lukas
One key helps us decode a narcissist's lies. And there is one tell that helps us recognise a narcissist's victim. Watch on YouTube here
054. How Can You Tell Who Is (Un)reasonable?
15 Feb 2023
Contributed by Lukas
When there's a disagreement, how can you tell who is being unreasonable - so you avoid "wrestling with pigs"? I share two stories and some tips about ...
053. Are Narcissists "Only Joking" Or Are They Just Being Mean?
24 Jan 2023
Contributed by Lukas
Narcissists often make snarky remarks and claim they are "only joking". We might be tempted to believe them. But there is an objective method to deter...
052. Dealing With Narcissists Over Christmas (And Other Holidays)
23 Jan 2023
Contributed by Lukas
How do you deal with narcissists over Christmas and other holidays? Sometimes we feel stuck with narcissists, whether partners, family members, or pa...
051. Rating Toxicity
08 Dec 2022
Contributed by Lukas
Podcast exclusive. We can create a scale of toxicity from 0 to 10. Doing so empowers us and helps us compare what we do to what others do. I used this...
050. How Do Psychometrics Help Us Understand Relationships With Narcissists?
29 Nov 2022
Contributed by Lukas
When we're stressed, our personality can change. Narcissists like stressing us. That tells us... it can be helpful to dig a bit deeper ;-)
049. Are Narcissists Overextending You?
24 Nov 2022
Contributed by Lukas
Our personality changes between when we are relaxed, between our everyday self, and when we are stressed or overextended. Perhaps this holds a key to ...
048. Heads I Win, Tails YOU Lose: Narcissist Games, Sleep, and More - From YouTube Livestream
31 Oct 2022
Contributed by Lukas
Watch on YouTube with all visuals and drawings here: https://youtu.be/X7sGDTJCMhA Relationships with narcissists feel like we're playing heads or tail...
047. You Have More Support Than You Know :-)
26 Oct 2022
Contributed by Lukas
Life can feel really lonely, especially after being with a narcissist or a toxic person. When I travelled to Kazakhstan, I met these therapists who di...
046. Narcissists DON'T Want Solutions To Their Problems
17 Oct 2022
Contributed by Lukas
Watch the video here: Three stories of the same #narcissist who loved artificially creating unnecessary problems in order to get attention, play victi...
045. Narcissists Don't Want Us To Build A Life
03 Oct 2022
Contributed by Lukas
Narcissists exhaust us. Why? Because they always want attention. That means they don't let us have any space for building anything meaningful. And, as...
044. Reframing Life, Narcissists, Freedom, Emotions and Pain
30 Sep 2022
Contributed by Lukas
Watch the conversation on YouTube here: https://youtu.be/y92Didt7WH8 What if "repressing emotions" was the mistake that makes us vulnerable to narciss...
043. Mourn BOTH These People IF You Sincerely Want To Heal After A Narcissist
31 Jul 2022
Contributed by Lukas
*** Watch the full video here and remember to subscribe on YouTube for all visuals *** Moving on after narcissists is a real challenge. If you're watc...
042. Driving a Narcissist Mad With Self-Care And Logic
28 Jul 2022
Contributed by Lukas
Watch on YouTube here so you don't miss out on all the visuals. We can drive narcissists mad using self-care and logic. In this video, I'll show you h...
041. Why Do We Argue With Narcissists (And How To Stop)
19 Jul 2022
Contributed by Lukas
When we know someone is unreasonable, a narcissist or toxic, why do we still argue with them? Let's examine 3 valid reasons for arguing with someone. ...
040. How To Fight Back Against A Narcissist Playing Stupid With Hyperbole
18 Jul 2022
Contributed by Lukas
We know narcissists love to play stupid. They'll even confuse us with hyperbole: when someone else uses it, they'll take it literally. And when they u...
039. Did I UNMASK A Narcissist?
07 Jul 2022
Contributed by Lukas
"I asked her this question. And instead of replying, she just smirked at me. She had been unmasked." I had lunch with a woman I've known for over 25 y...
038. How to Negotiate With A Narcissist Using FBI Hostage Negotiation Tactics (Part 2)
06 Jul 2022
Contributed by Lukas
Narcissists hold us hostage to their unreasonable demands and behaviours. So why not learn from the FBI how to deal with these insane individuals? It ...
037. 12 Empath Traits That Make You An Easy Target For Narcissists
21 Jun 2022
Contributed by Lukas
Narcissists will take advantage of any trait we possess. And when we view a trait as "positive", we are even more vulnerable to them taking advantage ...
033. 6 Signs Our Body Shows Us There's A Narcissist Lurking
08 May 2022
Contributed by Lukas
Let's examine 6 ways we can tell if someone is toxic (for us) but observing how we are reacting unconsciously to them. Instead of debating how a...