Chapter 1: What is the main topic discussed in this episode?
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From Mini-Me to Paternal Pride. Yes! It's time for Best of James. You got a baby.
Oh, yeah, that's right. Also, there's a baby.
Wow. James.
His name is James. James. I don't have to call him baby anymore. He has a name now, legally. James. That's a good name. Man, what would you think if I said it wasn't a good name?
Oh, does James pay his taxes yet? Do you know tax season's only three months away, little James?
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Chapter 2: What highlights from Bob's parenting journey are shared?
I don't know what you've heard about babies, but no. No, don't even entertain him about this one. No, straight up no.
I thought they change your diapers when they get old enough to get out of their own, and they pay your taxes for you and, I don't know, work so you can retire.
All right, so you had the critical ideas of old enough on their own, but what is that age that you think it is?
After they emerge? You think that's old enough on their own? After the... What's it called? The great emergence? The emergence. Yeah. Emergening.
That's why it's the emergency room.
Yeah. They got all these pregnant ladies, so they're doing their emergencings in the emergency room. I get it now. Medical jargon is so lost on me. I saw a turkey. That was so big that nobody believed that it was a turkey until they inspected it for themselves. Took James to a fall festival, like a farm. There's a big Midwest thing. It's like, oh, it's fall.
Let's do a corn maze and go in the pumpkin patch and we'll have activities and stuff. And we went to this place. It was really fun. They had a bunch of cool people.
play sets the first moment we were there I did have made a parenting mistake they had this big thing that was just like a big hill and you could run it was sort of like a hill where you were supposed to clearly run from one side to the other and there was like a path but then the sides were very steep you were not supposed to go up or down the sides you were supposed to go over the path like a and James started going up that and I was like
Oh, that'd be a good picture. Cause I was like, I'm trying to take pictures. We're doing this fun thing with James. I want pictures of James. And so I was like, he won't be fucking crazy for 30 seconds. I can let him run up or down this hill really quick. So I let him go. And I'm like, I'm just going to go around and take a picture. And I like have my phone out about to take a picture.
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Chapter 3: How does Bob describe James's personality and development?
mine now and she's at the bottom of the slide like give me my phone baby give me my he like contemplated and everybody eventually he was like oh okay and tossed it down the slide and it was very nice but i thought i was about to have to go wrangle my son from stealing a stranger's cell phone at the playground i think we're going to be like oh you found us a new phone thanks baby and then like leave with it now james ask for money for this oh yeah
I'm going to earn way more points. I have a very funny update. All right. I can't wait. Sad updates aren't worth nothing. Okay. James is refining his comedy and it's really fucking funny. So, uh, James, James likes to tell jokes and a lot of his jokes are set up punchline, something really quick. Usually he'll do like a fart or something or be like, whatever.
But he has realized he likes getting the laugh and he's, he has learned like, this is what got me the laugh. Right? So he'll do a joke and he'll be like, ah, and then I farted and everyone's like, ha. Very funny, like, ah. And he'll be like, mm-hmm. And then I farted?
Chapter 4: What funny incidents involving James and his toys are recounted?
Because he's like, laugh some more, right? He's like working on it. But obviously, you can't say the same punchline twice in a row. That doesn't work. We're comedians. We know that. So last night at dinner, we were sitting there, and James just is like eating his food, and he looks over at Mandy, and he goes, Mom, you're cheese. And Mandy's like, why am I cheese? And he's like, cheese can't talk.
And I'm like, okay. I look at him and I'm like, okay, what's dad? And he goes, dad, you're crackers. And I'm like, oh, cause crackers goes with cheese. And he's like, crackers can't talk. We're sitting there. I look at him and I'm like, all right, if mom is cheese and dad is crackers, what is James? And he goes, I'm scared. Because mom and dad are cheese and crackers. And we lost our shit.
Like, it was very funny. Manny and I had a good laugh, and he was just, like, soaking it up. Like, that's the funniest thing I've ever said. I mean, he's right. And we've been trying to teach him about this, right? So we had to laugh. It was good. And I looked back at him, and I was like, okay, James, mom is cheese and dad is crackers. What does that make James? And he was like...
Oh, can't say the same thing. Ooh, what do I say? Ooh. I'm afraid. And then he went through every word that he could think of that was like scared to get back to the same punchline. It was so funny.
it's probably much funnier because I'm his parent like I get that that's maybe not the most genius comedy thing that's ever been crafted but he is working on he's like really actually working on his timing and he's like experimenting with how he's doing punch it's very funny to watch him like figure it out in real time it's actually super impressive too he's thinking of like synonyms and wordplay like that like that's crazy
He did it a bunch. I think he did. I'm scared. I'm worried. I'm upset. I'm... What did he say? I'm nervous. I'm something. He did like one or two other ones. He knows a lot of words.
That's funny and impressive. And he's just turned three? Yeah, just turned three. Yeah, when did we start rationing names? Was that in the 90s?
Overpopulation.
Please, sir, can I have some middle initial?
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Chapter 5: What challenges does Bob face with potty training James?
What is he doing in music class? Like they give him drumsticks or something?
Yeah, it's a toddler music class. So it's like triangle, hit the triangle, shakers. I think he had a banana that he was shaking. Hitting and scraping and shaking is the gist of it. And they did the big parachute where everyone sits in a circle around the parachute. That sort of stuff. But fun stuff. I'm sure listeners can tell I sound a little sick because I am. I'm going to talk about the baby.
So anyone who hates that, sorry. In the last week, we have had possibly the worst night with James and also three of the best nights of sleep with him like since he was born. So it's been a really weird mix of stuff. He's teething right now and he has like three molars coming in all at the same time, which is incredibly painful.
And so there was one night he could not exist without just screaming because it was like agony, like constant agony. Didn't sleep the whole night. It was just him. It was trying to do anything to keep him from just screaming in pain.
But then three other nights around that, he has slept for like eight straight hours without waking up or anything, which is not he usually wakes up at least a couple of times. And he slept like he was a rock. And it's been weird because those have been fantastic nights. But also, I've been sick, so that didn't help me sleep very much.
But then the one night where he literally just didn't sleep was just absolute chaos and ruined the next week of everything because his schedule was all off. He was crazy. We didn't sleep. So anyway, we're in a wild time with the baby right now. But he's cute. He's starting to talk. He knows what sound a horse makes. If you look at him, you go, James, what sound does a horse make? He goes, no.
It's amazing. It's very cute. Oh, that's cute. Wait, when did he, when did he say his first words? Well, he's been saying like mama and dad F nine or 10 months. He started really saying stuff. But in, in before the new year, he was talking and saying some stuff, but like he's, his, his speech is about to explode. He's going to start saying all kinds of stuff.
A win goes in Mark's column of wins, but he doesn't win the episode. We spin again.
There's a lot of different things on this wheel. Yeah, there's quite a few.
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