Chapter 1: What are the different perspectives on using chapstick?
From being peeved to incandescent, yes, it's time for Best of Pissed Off, Part 1. I can't think of anything that relates to like sunscreen, lotion, and tissues. No, it's right there. It's right there. Uh, if I had a one word clue, it would probably be seasonal. I feel like this is a thing I've just either have never heard of or don't use is where I'm at right now. I'd be shocked.
You've, yeah, you've heard of this. You've heard of it. You've probably seen it used more recently than you think. Chapstick? It is. And I put some on while you were doing this. How the actual fuck is chapstick related to lotion or sunscreen? Those are liquids! Well, I could see it being related to that.
Also, how was that not a container full of chapstick? You completely got me off of anything that was like lotion or deodorant or chapstick when you said it wasn't a plastic container filled with something!
Did he ask that question? Yes! I asked if it was a container and his answer was, oh, not really. I don't think of it like that. No, the primary part of it is not a container. The primary part of chapstick is the chapstick. It is a container filled with a material. We've all, I don't know. I went through it. Mark and I went through it. We did the best we could with that, man.
I didn't hear that question.
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Chapter 2: How do pets impact our daily lives and responsibilities?
I didn't hear that one. Also, I get you on the wet one, but I'm going to go ahead and say the bodily ablution one was also a bad answer. You use that at any point in time, primarily in public, because usually it's when you're outside. You don't use that during a bodily ablution. That depends. I use it when my lips are chapped. I don't use it as a preventative. I use it after my lips are chapped.
You don't keep it. Also, I'm just going to say, you probably don't keep it in the bathroom. Probably don't even specifically keep it in the kitchen as much as you keep it. That's why I was saying that one. You keep it wherever you keep your keys. which is for a lot of people, the entryway or the mudroom. I keep ChapStick in our medicine cabinets.
So like our medicine cabinet in the bathroom, I've got ChapStick in the kitchen. We've got ChapStick. Well, that's why I called that one out specifically. That's why I said. I feel like the container one totally shut off the realm of a bottle of lotion. It was a tough question. Like you could see how it's a tough question to answer. It's not. No, I don't actually.
If you asked me if ChapStick is a container, I would say yes, it has a container. Because it has a lid. I think my answer was it's not primarily a container because the primary part of chapstick is the stuff you use. No, you said that about something else. Specifically, I wrote down that you said I know kind of I don't think of it as a container. I don't.
Chapter 3: What frustrations arise from gas station pricing tactics?
I mean, it is a it is specifically a plastic tube containing the chapstick. It kinda is, yeah, I get that, I get that. Or a thing of lip balm in a little container, which, by the way, could be made of metal, but that one's not that strong of an argument. Okay, you know, I wasn't thinking of the little handheld lip balm.
That was a fair item, but I do feel like a couple of those questions really fucked me. Pets. Honestly, don't get me started on pets. Pets are a bigger responsibility than anyone would have you know. Pets, they're cute, they're cuddly, they're fun, sure. But nobody wants to talk about what pets actually need. Money for vet bills, leaky anal glands.
So you gotta take them to the vet once every month or two and have someone stick their fingers up their ass to release their anal glands. Because apparently that's a fucking thing they don't teach them. Oh, I want a cute little puppy. No, you fucking don't. You're going to gel up your fingers and shove them up Fido's ass? Well, someone has to because anal glands get clogged. It's disgusting.
Oh, and then they get older. We outlive our pets. That's really sad. It sucks losing pets. Been there, done that. They don't train you for that shit either. But when they get old, it's not all cute, cuddly, fun games. No, I'm learning that cats stop using the litter box and they shit on the floor and they drag their ass. They go outside. They eat grass. They come inside. And guess what?
Chapter 4: How do we feel about the emotional toll of losing pets?
Oh, That doesn't feel so good. Oh, I vomited. That makes me need to shit too for some reason. Let me just leave all of that right by the couch where you sit so your feet can either be in the nice nasty icky or on the lovely cleaning solution you put down. Just got a new rug. Oh boy, not marked yet. I better go mark that. Hike, piss. all over the goddamn place.
Oh, I don't want to eat the food you got today, Father. Oh, this canned food, it isn't what I happen to want. I don't want those treats today. I want what you want. Oh, that steak that you've been cooking looks great. You had to look away to crack open a drink? Oh, fucking mind! Get your own food now, Dad! Oh, okay, guess I'll just fucking starve. What good do you give me?
Some cuddles, some cute moments? But all of the shit! Don't get me started. God, you really went there, man. I hope your pets don't listen to this podcast. Yeah, man. I'm going to make them.
This is what you play for them when you leave the house.
Put them in their cage and play this episode on full volume. Oh yeah, take out the blankets, just cold hard crate with a TV monitor and this.
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Chapter 5: What are the challenges of kids having cell phones?
I hate the number nine. Because seven ate it? Cause he's a bitch and he let himself get eaten. Yeah. He lost about, I put a lot of money on that fight. I got, he got eaten right in front of me, man. Anyway, no, I hate nine specifically. And it's, it has to do with a lot of shopping.
And this is another psychology thing, but it's, this isn't even about like you, you price something three 99 and it's like, it's technically 400, but people go, Oh, three 99. You know, psychologically I get the, I get that. That works. No, this is about gas stations. Because gas stations do it worse than anybody ever has.
And if we all stop to actually think about it for a second to realize how dumb it is. Because not only they'll do the trick where it's like, oh, it's $3.49 a gallon, you know. And it's like, oh, it's $3.50. But no, there's more numbers onto the right of that number. And there's either a 9 or there's a 9 over 10. And it's just, it infuriates me. It infuriates me that that exists.
And it's, if you Google gas station signs, at least in America, they're on every single fucking sign. It's every single fucking sign is like, and nine over 10 or nine in superscript. And it's like,
Nine, because they, it's just because some marketing or finance guy or someone in some marketing department, however many years ago was like, oh, if we add this nine at the end, we'll make this much more money over the course of forever and no one will know the difference.
And I don't even care about that because at the end of the day, I know people are stupid about gas and they'll go to the gas station across the street that's five cents cheaper to save a whopping, you know, dollar on their entire purchase and wait in line for 10 minutes, then go to the one across the street that's five cents more expensive or whatever.
Or they'll drive across town and waste the gas that they would have saved. Whatever. That's not what I'm talking about.
The fact that we let them get away with this stupid nine, this dumb ass nine at the end of these numbers that I, that just, it's just so, I want to just punch every single one of those stupid nine out of 10 signs because it doesn't make a difference in the grand scheme of things. And it just looks stupid.
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Chapter 6: How do we debate the right way to pour cereal?
It's aesthetically unpleasing. It just is infuriating in every capacity because it's, it's not even a, At this point, it's not even like a good psychological trick. It's like one fraction of a penny. It's nine tenths of a penny. I don't care about that. I round up anyway. Like if it's 249 and nine, I go, oh, it's 250.
It's the fact that it's there.
Nine out of 10 people agree it's dumb. We should start a gas station chain on the premise that there will be no fractions.
and in fact that there will be no nines in the in the the one cent place ever so i need you to do a super fast retelling of bob's fridge but without using any verbs oh hey we're here to yeah oh hang on uh-huh right now oh never mind i'll gotta yeah oh Fridge two guys front door me Inside The bush. The bush. The fridge? The bush. Oh, what's that? Oh, no. Oh, the water shut off? That's a noun.
You're right, you're right, you're right. Okay, I got it. Okay, you're good. A new house? I don't know. It should be water shut off. Make this here. Uh, sorry! Bush!
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Chapter 7: What are the humorous side effects of fast eating?
Anyway... Did I... that part? Yeah. Anyway... I don't think that's how you... do... fridge! House!
Right? Thinks a verb, isn't it? I think. Not... when I do it. Um... Good answer!
Anger!
Just... One acceptable.
Two guys.
Fridge. That was beautiful. Oh, man. I don't remember what... Not that much actually happened. I was just so mad. I kept talking about it. Revere...
It doesn't have to be fast, man. Famous historian, Hoo Hoo Revere.
All right, one more time. Hit me. Revere Hoo... It changes every time. That doesn't help me, man. Revere whoa. Revere whoa. You gonna change it?
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Chapter 8: How do different personalities influence group discussions?
Revere whoa. It's East Coast. He changed it. He changed it. Of course it is. It depends which, uh, which accent you prefer. What do you mean it depends? That was completely different pronunciations. Alright, pick one. Revere whoa. Revere whoa. Not whoa. Whoa. Okay, one more time. Revere whoa or whoa? Whoa. Whoa. That was two different things. He just said two different things right there.
Revere whoa. Revere? Hwa. Hwa. Hwa. Hwa. Okay. Revere? Hwa. Hwa. Revere. That wasn't a fucking word. What are you talking about? Hwa. Hwa. Hwa. You didn't say it like a ghost. When you're the one in the chair, it does not sound like it. Hwa.
Hwa.
Okay, I'm saying Yes, that's what I'm saying So you should say the opposite of I am okay You're doing great you're doing great Oh my god revere cool. Oh whoa. Oh, that's that's that's played in Reverse editors I'm saying the same thing. Oh whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa? Revere Revere Revere, it's it's two palindromes inside the same word. It's River Revere River River River
Oh, whoa, river. Oh, whoa, river. Oh, whoa, river. That's not a word. I know many words. This is not a word. Oh, whoa, river. You sound like Johnny Prof. Oh, whoa, river. Oh, whoa, river. Say the first part faster. Oh, whoa. But I'll all in one thing, all in one go, just say the first part faster. Awa River. Awa River. Awa River. Awa River. Awa River. Awa River. Awa River. Awa River.
Lose the first uh. Why? Wa River? Wa River. Uh huh. Wa River. Wherever? It's wherever.
Is that it? How is that awa? There's no uh. Why didn't you go ho?
This episode is brought to you by Shopify. Look, it happens. You set out the new year, you're ready to change your world, you're ready to change yourself, you're ready to do better so you don't just drop back into your same old habits, and suddenly it's February and you're still doing all the same stuff. But this year, I have a goal. This year, I'm going to walk 365 miles in 2026. In this year.
And the key to accomplishing a New Year's resolution is to keep it simple and manageable. And that's
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