Can Becoming Less Attached Reduce Your Suffering and Anxiety?
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What is attachment and how does it cause suffering and anxiety?
you
Hello, beautiful beans, and welcome to the podcast episode of today. So my name's Alexis Fernandez. This is Do You Fucking Mind? This is the podcast where I help you change your relationship with yourself and your brain. Now, before we get into it, I do have a little life update. If you're watching the video version of this, either on social or YouTube, because I am getting way more consistent with my YouTube, you'll see that the setting is constantly changing. This is not the final thing. I have a vision board of what the fucking setup is going to look like. It's not this. So just bear with me. We are slowly getting there. We are getting there. Also, if you haven't yet already, please go check out my sub stack.
It's notesonthemind.substack.com. And there I have all sorts of things I do. Sometimes I do like a Substack version of the podcast episode. Sometimes I'll give you like a really good listicle of how to change your life in 30 days. Sometimes I will, well, every Sunday I do like a series called Smarter, Hotter, Sharper, which is like getting the smartest, hottest, sharpest brain possible. And this is where I give you like word of the week hot tip of the week lesson of the week learning of the week quote to live by this week it's like a whole thing every single sunday to help you kind of like wash away the sunday scaries and get really excited about the week that's to come anyway Now, other than that, I think I'm just going to dive straight into the episode because there's a lot to get through.
Now, I haven't figured out the title yet, but we're talking about can becoming less attached to the outcome, to a relationship, to people, to physical objects, to a place that we're living in, make us suffer less. So there are some people who really struggle with change and they struggle so much with change that they end up Living smaller and smaller and smaller because the more you struggle with change, the more that represents fear. And the more fearful you are, the more you're telling yourself, I can't handle this or I'm not going to be able to handle this. I'm not going to be able to handle it if my lease runs out and I have to move. I'm not going to be able to fathom if... my partner left me what would I do what would happen if I got made redundant what would happen if I couldn't have that thing or if I no longer had this thing so instead of living in this mentality of knowing that you know life is always in this constant state of change you start thinking I can't have anything change so you spend all your time and energy controlling everything around you
You're controlling your partner, making sure that they don't leave you or they stay the same. You're controlling this situation. You're fearful about this. You're fearful about that. And then you kind of are living smaller and smaller and smaller because you're scared to take a risk or do something outrageous or be spontaneous or just let go of the reins and let something take its course. And then you suffer so much. So I'm going to talk about how it is that you can actually become less attached and how it doesn't have anything to do with caring less. So it's not, you need to have your walls up and love someone less. It's actually the opposite. So you can feel as deeply as you want to feel. You can care as much as you want to care, if not more, but have this sense of detachment in a way that you don't feel the need to always be controlling things.
This makes you way less anxious. It makes you a whole lot calmer. And I'm going to quote some studies here as well. There's actually a link between this secure style of attachment not just with relationships but also with objects and with all kinds of things to lower levels of anxiety mood disorders and depression in general okay so it's really really interesting okay so by the end of this episode we're going to understand why certain forms of attachment do cause suffering we're going to understand the difference between attachment and then investing in something and loving someone and secure attachment and insecure attachment.
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Chapters
8 chapters
1
What is attachment and how does it cause suffering and anxiety?
0:00–7:25
2
How do unhealthy attachment styles manifest in relationships and everyday life?
7:25–13:22
3
What is the difference between caring deeply and being overly attached?
13:22–19:21
4
How does the concept of impermanence help reduce anxiety?
19:21–25:54
5
What does attachment security priming involve and why does it work?
25:54–32:00
6
How can you apply attachment‑security exercises to everyday stressors?
32:00–37:05
7
What practical steps can you take to become less attached to outcomes?
37:05–41:09
8
How does reducing attachment lead to more control and less suffering?
41:09–47:48
Speakers
1 identifiedMore from Do You F*cking Mind?
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