Life Advice | I had an affair with my boss, My friend has become a soggy lemon + More
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What is the host’s quick life update and why does it matter?
Hello, beautiful beans, and welcome to the podcast episode of today. So this is a head noise episode. We are going through and by we, I am going through your listener questions, and I'm giving you my advice. And as usual. Sometimes I won't be able to come up with the exact answer for you because I obviously have just a small insight into what it is that you're going through. But at the very least, I try and give you a different angle to look at what it is that you're going through. Maybe I ask you questions that you haven't yet asked yourself and it helps you see your situation from a different perspective and then you just get closer to your own solution. So if I can't give you a solution, then I hope that I can get you close to it.
Um, life update. I am not gonna delve too much into a life update, but if you are watching the video, I have gone darker with my hair. If I ever, I was saying to Mariam, oh my god, that's a fucking life update. I've hired a new girl woman. I've hired a new woman. Her name is Mariam. And we actually met because she used to work for my obstetrician. And so we had met beforehand, and then when she applied for the job, she's like, hey, remember me. Fugging. Anyway. Long story short So many like different ways that we had aligned in our life. And then when we met up for the interview, it was just, you know, fate. So I've hired Mariam. This is literally like her second or third day. So we're very excited. Um anyway, so I if I said to Mariam, if I ever want to go lighter with my hair, slap me.
Unconscious. Because I think I'm just destined to have my natural hair color, which is very dark, very dark brown. And sometimes it looks black on camera, which I don't hate. Anyway, we're gonna get straight into the questions. I've got three email questions that you guys have sent in. Um so let's not fuck around. Um Let's do this. Hi Alexis. I'm writing to you because I genuinely don't know how to move on from something that has completely changed me. And I feel like I need someone to tell me what I'm supposed to do from here. A few years ago, I became involved with my boss who was married. What started as an emotional connection became something incredibly intense, and for years I held on to the belief that eventually he would choose me.
He never did. He stayed with his wife, and I was left trying to somehow explain. Accept that while still having this incredibly strong attachment to him. We eventually tried to turn what we had into a friendship. And there have been genuinely beautiful parts of that friendship which I think has made letting go even harder. I have already so much to say about this that it's just not even funny. The complicated part is that this hasn't that it hasn't always stayed a friendship. We have still been intimate with each other, even after everything that happened, and despite him remaining married. I know I'm responsible for participating in that. I'm not pretending I have no agency or that I haven't made choices I need to take accountability for.
But what destroys me is that I have this enormous attachment to him because of our history. He knows how deeply I have loved him, how badly the original situation. hurt me and how difficult it has been for me to detach from him. So when we cross that line again, a part of me inevitably wonders what it means to him and why he continues doing it when he knows what it does to me emotionally. I'm gonna get back to that point. When I ask him that, he r his response is essentially, you're there to hold yourself accountable. And technically he's right. I'm I am there too, but emotionally the answer devastates me. Because I'm not asking him whether I participated. I know I did. I'm asking whether he why he continues to participate too, knowing our history, knowing how attached I am, knowing he's still married, and knowing that I'm the one who has spent years trying to recover from never being chosen.
I have bipolar disorder and I know this plays a huge role in the intensity of my attachment and my fear of abandonment.
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Chapters
4 chapters
1
What is the host’s quick life update and why does it matter?
0:11–6:56
2
How does the host address the listener’s affair with a married boss?
6:56–22:09
3
Why does the host recommend cutting the toxic boss out of your life completely?
22:09–31:11
4
How can you grieve someone who is still alive and still accessible?
31:11–36:27
Speakers
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