We’re Sick Little Monkeys

episode
Fly on the Wall with Dana Carvey and David Spade 59 min 3 speakers 6 chapters transcribed 2 months ago
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What is the main topic discussed in this episode?

David Spade 0:00
I'm going to milk it. Got so much milk, give some to the kitty. And then you go in the eye. In the eye and then likes it anyway. Likes it off. You're in one of the biggest bands in the world. And you're like, hey, why don't you come back to my house? I'm in Kiss. And she's like, I just blew that guy. He said he was in Kiss. Yeah. Oh, I guess anyone can say it. How do I know you're in Kiss? I did have World Cup fever, but it was just diarrhea.
Yeah.
David Spade 0:28
I thought I had World Cup fever, but it was just that poo flu going around. Okay, welcome to the show. Hey, everybody. I'm Dana Carvey. This is Dana. And we are fly on the wall. And we are fly on the wall.
Dana Carvey 0:43
And we are locked and loaded in our prospective studios. Our mics are working. And we're fluffed and folded and ready to give you the show of your summer.
David Spade 0:53
We've grabbed you in the first minute, which is what our goal was with that talk. So now that you're grabbed...
Dana Carvey 0:59
Well, I will say before you go forward, there was something that was a little scary at first, but it all worked out. It was a story to do with the farm. I will tell you that in a few minutes.
David Spade 1:12
Cliffhanger. Okay, let's get my boring one out of the way.
Dana Carvey 1:15
Yours aren't boring, you're David Spade.
David Spade 1:17
This is me, and it's shot. Heather said they're all boring. She's already boring. She voted before I even came out. Wait a minute.
Dana Carvey 1:25
Is it about airplanes or hotels? Yes.
David Spade 1:28
Yes.
Dana Carvey 1:29
Okay. Let me hear. It is about a hotel. Close. Shit. I had a 50-50. It's about an airplane ride. Well, I don't fly to Burbank a lot.
David Spade 1:40
So I fly to Burbank, which when you fly to sperm bank, it's actually, uh, easier because smaller airport and less chaotic used to be a Taco Bell and they're not anymore.
Dana Carvey 1:53
I always flew out of there back in the day.
David Spade 1:56
So juicy. So I go there and then, uh, uh, sometimes I get a greeter if it's more complicated situation and the other greeter, uh, came up to our greeter and said, hey, we got a star, so we should have meet David. Isn't that funny?
Dana Carvey 2:18
Oh, really? Yeah. Well, can I ask you a question? People don't know when you have a greeter, you come off the airplane, do they do, does it say DS? You're trying to find your driver, right? They're holding up a little sign.
David Spade 2:30
We can't tell you how this is. We cannot.
Dana Carvey 2:32
Oh, it's top secret. Okay.
David Spade 2:33
Fake name for all those guys. And then they all wait there and look for the driver. And they go, Oh, here he is. Even though they know my flight anyway, because they get on the goddamn chat rooms.
Dana Carvey 2:44
Could it be possible? Just a random thing popped in my head. Persnickety bullfrog frog.

How did David Spade describe meeting Gene Simmons at the Burbank airport?

David Spade 2:51
It's just, it's just a little fat. Ed, Ed Wilson. And so we have a secret name, but it doesn't matter. They figured out. But this is on the way there. So they help you get through, checked in. I get there.
Dana Carvey 3:05
Okay, gotcha. So you have a greeter when you come through the airport.
David Spade 3:09
Yeah, they're going to cut us in line. Must be nice. I was looking at how much wingspan I have to do a joke. So the celeb in question is an actual celeb. You know, sometimes they oversell it.
Dana Carvey 3:23
I'm intrigued by who this celeb is.
David Spade 3:25
Someone I would know growing up. Now, the only awkward part is they definitely want us to talk.
Dana Carvey 3:35
The minions, the people helping you.
David Spade 3:38
I actually really like these people. Yeah, yeah. They're greeters. They're very nice. I've had them. They said, you guys should meet and listen. I'm fine with it. I'm just a little awkward. So here I am. I don't know when this dude's coming. I'm with Bobby and we're about to go to a gig or something. So anyway, I'm sitting on the floor of the airport against the wall, a little past my gate. Not really hiding, but just like down there nibbling at, you know, granola bar. They come up and now I feel like the biggest asshole. I'm on the ground, which no one really sits on the ground. So I feel dumb already. I get up. It's Gene Simmons.
Dana Carvey 4:18
Gene Simmons, yeah.
David Spade 4:20
From Kiss. Slow reaction, Dan. Yeah, Dan, a slow reaction.
Dana Carvey 4:24
Oh, no, I'm just visualizing him. Is he in his platform boots? Is he in a suit? What is he?
David Spade 4:31
He's dressed like a regular dude. Now, when you know Kiss like I do growing up, the band. Yeah. Kiss, Destroyer album, the big crazy platform.

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