The Caregiving Conversation Everyone Postpones Until It's Too Late.
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What does it mean to be part of the sandwich generation?
So there's this phrase, the sandwich generation. You're caring for aging parents and kids, even adult kids, all at once. It can be challenging, but also empowering and beautiful, especially if you have the clarity, the tools and support needed to turn it into something that's not just always hard, but also in some ways, maybe even a little bit transformational. In today's conversation, you'll discover the four critical shifts that define a two-way caregiving season and why logistics are actually the easiest part. You'll learn about the conversation that almost no one has before a crisis arrives that you really have to have. for this to go smoothly. We'll talk about the three people who can change everything when you stop trying to navigate this alone, and the unexpected beauty that enters a season that nobody tells you about.
Our guide is acclaimed New York City estate attorney, podcast host, and Sandwich Generation member herself, Candice Delicata. So excited to share this conversation with you. I'm Jonathan Fields, and this is Good Life Project. And we'll jump right in there after this short break. The data on the impact and you could argue the burden of what's become known as the sandwich generation is pretty staggering. Last year, ARPA came out with a report that said there are about 63 million caregivers just in the U.S. Almost one in three are members of the sandwich generation. Three in five are women. Average age 51, about half are mothers in the sandwich generation who say they've already left a job because of caregiving.
And then there's this other staggering number. The Urban Institute put out this number that said the average lifetime income loss is at nearly $300,000. And then you have loneliness piled on top of that. And women are significantly more likely to report these feelings. These are the stats, but these are people who you have been working with, advising on multiple levels for years now. What does this look like on a lived day-to-day basis?
What are the four critical shifts experienced during caregiving?
Paint that picture for me.
In addition to meeting with people in the sandwich generation, I am one. I think an important part of the dialogue around the sandwich generation is much more related to sort of who the person is as it relates to those they're caring for. And the way that the lines have become incredibly blurred for the person who's sort of in the middle, in the sandwich. It's a much deeper and greater issue than just the logistics of providing the care. It's truly who you are while you're providing the care and the conflation between being a caregiver to perhaps a younger generation, your children or whomever your younger loved ones are, and the older generation, whether that's parents or in my case, an uncle, and trying to not lose yourself in the process.
And I think... It is further complicated by the fact that not only is the sandwich generation member going through kind of an identity crisis over a period of time, all the people that they're caring for, they're also having to redefine who they are in very fundamental ways and deal with all of the feelings that go along with that.
So we've used this phrase sandwich generation, and some people probably get it just intuitively. But who is the sandwich generation?
The statistics are very sort of startling, as you point out. But I think that what gets lost in the statistics is you're talking about generally a demographic, an age range. I think the sandwich generation is really anyone that feels pushed and pulled between providing care to someone and and not losing themselves in the process. So for example, if you look at the actual demographics, it's most women in the middle 30s to their middle 50s. But then if you take a look, for example, at a group of young professional athletes who in their family are the ones with the resources, right? They also are in the sandwich generation because they are sort of sought after within their family unit to provide and share the money and those resources.
So I think we have to sort of expand that.
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Chapters
8 chapters
1
What does it mean to be part of the sandwich generation?
0:00–2:13
2
What are the four critical shifts experienced during caregiving?
2:13–4:56
3
Why are conversations about aging often postponed?
4:56–9:28
4
How can a caregiving team change the experience?
9:28–11:02
5
What unexpected benefits can arise from caregiving?
11:02–14:38
6
How does grief manifest in caregiving roles?
14:38–22:30
7
What strategies can facilitate tough conversations with aging parents?
22:30–29:51
8
How can caregivers find support and resources?
29:51–47:08
Speakers
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