Transcript generated automatically by AI and may contain errors.
Chapter 1: What is discussed at the start of this section?
Hey, this is Red Band and you're listening to the Death Squad Podcast Network. This episode of Kill Tony and every episode of Kill Tony can be found at DeathSquad.TV and now on Spotify and Apple Podcasts.
If you want to check out Tony Hinchcliffe's website, go to TonyHinchcliffe.com. everything Golden Pony, including his tour dates, at TonyHinchcliffe.com. If you want to check out the Sunset Strip or get some Death Squad merch, go to DeathSquad.tv. And now, here's a brand new episode of Kill Tony.
Hey, this is Redman coming to you live from the Comedy Mothership here in Austin, Texas for a brand new episode of Kill Tony. Give it up for Tony Exkler!
Who's ready for the best fucking night of their lives, huh? We are here. Make some noise for Brian Redband, ladies and gentlemen. Skil Tony brought to you by Simply Safe Talkspace and ExpressVPN. Guys, how about one more time for the best damn band in the land, huh? Wow. Carlos Sosa. Fernando Castillo. Esteban Viejo. Michael Gonzalez. fucking quiet ass crowd.
Make some fucking noise for the band. Matt Muehling on the electric. John Dees. And the great D Madness on the bass guitar, ladies and gentlemen. Michael, what is it? It's not Esteban Viejo. What is it? It's fucking... Raul Vallejo, ladies and gentlemen. The horn section, groove line horns, ladies and gentlemen, or as I call them, nachos bel grande. Indeed.
A lot of fun stuff planned this episode. Action packed. Before we start, here's a little bit more from the amazing sponsors that made it all possible for you, for free, right now, here, live.
The Sunset Strip Comedy Club in Austin, Texas is now open. Check out Red Band's secret show every Thursday. Go to sunsetstripatx.com for tickets.
You guys ready to start tonight's episode? Well, well, well, every single week, I have some of the funniest comedians in the world on this show. This week, no different. One of the returns of one of our favorite greatest guests in the history of the show, and I love to debut a brand new guest who's never done it before. You know her from the roast of Tom Brady with me.
You know him as one of the greatest guests and comedians in the history of the show. Make some noise. for Sam Jay and Greg Fitzsimmons!
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Chapter 2: How does the introduction of the guests unfold?
Sam Jay! And the Irish GOAT, Greg Fitzsimmons! Booyah! A perfect chemistry mix here tonight. Two amazing comedians, both from the Boston area, the Upper East Coast. Welcome to the show, Sam Jay. What's up, bro? Welcome, welcome. I'm excited. I'm excited to have you. I'm also worried I'm going to end up fishing with Kyle Rittenhouse after this. It could end up happening.
It could end up happening.
I don't want that.
I did go a little wild during the commercial break. I don't normally do that, but I don't know what came out of me, but I've been... On Twitter all weekend. And shit's wild over there. I just didn't expect chanting. That seemed a bit... Sam and I have been partying continuously with each other ever since the Tom Brady roast. We had a fucking magical night and we continue that.
Took her out on our first river trip.
Why did you assume that was my first river?
In Austin. All right, cool. Yeah. It's different here. Everywhere else you've been on... Tony was like, you're black, have you ever been in a boat? I was like... Yeah. Well, historically. It's true. And true to the stereotype, when we all jumped in the water, you stayed on the boat yesterday. Yeah. in very comfortable fashion. There was no consideration whatsoever of jumping in the water.
One more time for the return of Greg Fitzsimmons, ladies and gentlemen. His new special, You Know Me, is out now at Greg Fitzsimmons Comedy on YouTube, fitzdog.com, for his dates coming up in Tulsa and San Francisco. Greg, welcome. It's great to be back. It's just great to see the excitement in these faces out here. It really is. Just... Drunk and high and perfect for comedy. It's amazing.
We have a sleepy cowboy right here. This guy's just fucking exhausted. Yeah. We have a Mexican with braces right here. That's a rare treat. That's a very rare treat. My goodness. What do you do? Chew the bushes while landscaping? That's incredible. What a diverse audience we have here. It's absolutely amazing what we have here. Sam Jay is in Sacramento and New York City at the Gramercy Theater.
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Chapter 3: What unique experiences do the guests share?
She looks good for her age. She looks not bad. Sam J., what do you think about this young buck? I'm glad you addressed the tiny, young-looking thing, because I was very confused. Yeah. And I didn't know. I didn't want to be inappropriate and, like, ask some fucked-up shit. Because when he asked you upstairs, I was like, why are you letting this kid? And I thought...
And I thought you was going to come out and do some cute kid shit. Like, I don't know. What's a dancer? I don't know. I don't know.
Was it cute? Did you like it? Did you think it was cute?
I liked it, but then I was thinking like, damn, he fucks adult women, so are they like child molester-ish?
You get what you can take.
I get it, bro. That's crazy, bro. But also, if there's a lot of yous out there, we should be offering them up to the molesters.
Yeah.
and just solve a problem. Absolutely. I enjoyed you. Yeah, thank you. Thank you. 100%. Greg, what do you think about this young buccaneer? Well, I'll tell you, I just got down south and I was trying to watch some porn today. Not trying. And they have this thing where they make you, they take a picture of your face to see if you look old enough for porn. You're fucked. Yeah.
Like they literally say, look into your, did you know this? Oh, you went to the easy porn site. Just one that don't require the face. Oh, I didn't know that. I went to X Hamster. Oh, nah. Once they went and let me in X Hamster, I was like, all right, I'm not doing face recognition for this. I'll just find other porn. You could go on VXNN or whatever. They let you do that here.
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Chapter 4: How does the show interact with the audience?
So how soon after 9-11 did you move here? No, I'm from here. I was born in America. We were in Pakistan visiting family. Just visiting. Just visiting. Hanging out.
Coincidentally.
Yeah, what a coincidence. And then my cousins took a flight a couple days earlier than me. They let you back in the country? Yeah. No, they shut fucking flights down for like three weeks. I bet. And then I missed like the first fucking month of kindergarten. Oh, yeah. It was fucked up, dude. And then I came back and everyone was like, Fuzzy did 9-11. Yeah. Yeah.
Yeah.
I'm just trying to figure out what the fuck Pluto is.
I'm an active terrorist.
Yeah.
The towers went down, and you're like, well, I fucking miss kindergarten, bro. So I was like, fuck off. Yeah, when you got back to kindergarten, were you just stacking towers of blocks and then flying paper airplanes into them? It could happen again, bitch. Yeah. All the white kids are like, uh-huh, uh-huh. You guys are both from Boston, where one of the flights famously took off from.
Your TSA was very weak that day. How do we feel about Boston? Well, I just remember afterwards, I lived in New York, and I remember that they stopped. Do you remember this? They stopped all flights in Boston and New York. They stopped all rides to the airport in private cars. You could only take a taxi. Yeah.
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Chapter 5: What insights does Cam Patterson share about his success?
That's another minute from the great Cam Patterson putting out So much content, living the dream, selling out absolutely everywhere, having to add shows, theaters, everything, huge offers, a true fucking Kill Tony freak specimen. You changed my life, nigga. That the system is working. And another new minute here tonight. You sound like the coach from Dallas Cowboys.
I... You'd be... Fucking relax. That is how we approach this. What the hell were we talking about last Monday after this show where we were cracking up?
Chapter 6: What humorous moment arises regarding disintegrate?
Oh, fuck.
What was that? Disintegrate. Oh, my God. It was disintegrate. I don't even think we can talk about it now that I think about it.
No, we can't say it. No, we can't really. We can't say it, but it's pretty funny. It's the funniest. Oh, my God.
Chapter 7: What story does Sam Jay share about his experience in Utah?
Y'all will never know how funny it was because we can't talk about it because it's pretty fucked up, but it's pretty funny.
Fuck you. Oh my God, Michael Gonzalez. Little chimichurri on that roast. What the hell did you just say? I can't spell it. Okay, let's do it.
Nope.
Not at all, brother. We were talking about how we're breaking down the walls of things and this and that.
Chapter 8: How does the discussion shift to the topic of spelling and comedy?
We're having one of those just living the dream talks. And he said, we're not just doing this. We're disintegrating them. And I said, and you can't... You can't spell disintegrate without, and we laugh for a bit, and we got sidetracked, and a minute or two goes by, and he says, oh, great. And I go, no, Nick. I was like, oh, shit. You're wondering what me and Cam laugh about at 2 a.m.
if you ever see us flying across the bar. That shit was funny as fuck, though. We really make each other laugh very hard. That shit was funny as fuck. We might have to edit that out of the podcast. Yeah, I don't know why you did that. I told him we were going to tell him that you told him. I know. I couldn't help myself. Red Band said I should say it. I don't know why I listened to him.
Why would you do that to yourself? I don't know. No one's going to believe them. Phones are locked up. Yeah, it's over. Perfect. You heard nothing. We're going to keep it in the episode. Why are you excited? You're here. Anyway, Cam, what else is going on? You were really in Utah, huh? I was in Utah. That place is wild. Utah is a very interesting place.
It's pretty strange. Yeah. My dad, you know, he come everywhere with me on the road and shit. And there was a porn star in the front row. And I didn't do a mean greet after the first show because I just wasn't feeling too great. But we found out she was a porn star, like, during the show. And he brought her in the green room playing her porn. He was like, look, there's her.
And she getting fucked in the ass. Look at her. And then she was like, hey, that's me. Yeah, that's me. And the funniest shit, like she the only fans of mine, so she was doing it like with her husband and shit. And so then my dad go, that's him, little dick nigga. That's him, the little dick nigga. It was my favorite part of it. You thought it was fun. It was fun.
I didn't fuck that lady, but I thought about it a lot. I thought about it, because he kept saying, like, you can fuck my wife if you want to. And I just kept thinking, he going to be there. That's the scariest part.
That's the scary part, yep. Cross-eyed, watching. Cam Patterson's fucking my wife. Yep. He's going to get his rocks off. Greg Fitzsimmons. I mean, that's what I was going to ask you, is like, you know, your father's your manager.
No, no, definitely not.
Not exactly, but... He just be there. He just be around.
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