Transcript generated automatically by AI and may contain errors.
Chapter 1: What is discussed at the start of this section?
Hey, this is Red Band and you're listening to the Death Squad Podcast Network.
This episode of Kill Tony and every episode of Kill Tony can be found at DeathSquad.TV and now on Spotify and Apple Podcasts. If you want to check out Tony Hinchcliffe's website, go to TonyHinchcliffe.com. everything Golden Pony, including his tour dates, at TonyHinchcliffe.com.
If you want to check out the Sunset Strip or get some Death Squad merch, go to DeathSquad.tv. And now, here's a brand new episode of Kill Tony. This is Redman coming to you live from the Comedy Mothership here in Austin, Texas for a brand new episode of Kill Tony. Give it up for Tony Oetschke! Who's ready for the best fucking night of their lives, huh?
I said who is ready for the best fucking Monday night of their lives? Yippee! Make some noise for Red Band, ladies and gentlemen. We are here. This is indeed the number one live podcast in the world, Kill Tony, brought to you by Squarespace, GameTime, Hymns, Talkspace, and ZipRecruiter. Make some fucking noise, people. You did it. You're here, live at the mothership.
How about one more time for the best damn band in all the fucking land? That is indeed the Kill Tony band. Little Grooveline horns over there. Carlos Sosa. Fernando Castillo. And of course, the great, the powerful, how could I possibly fucking forget? Raul Vallejo, ladies and gentlemen. And Michael Gonzalez. Carne Quesadilla. Matt Muehling on the electric guitar, ladies and gentlemen.
John Dees on the keys. And this is indeed D Madness on the bass guitar.
still brian red band my goodness unbelievable before we get started here's a little bit more from the amazing sponsors that made it all possible the sunset strip comedy club in austin texas is now open check out red band's secret show every thursday go to sunset strip atx.com for tickets
You guys ready to start tonight's episode? Ladies and gentlemen, two of the greatest guests ever graced the stages of Kill Tony. These are guys that were with us early on in the belly room and then in the main room and then here and then there and everywhere in between. Two comedy store legends, two of the greatest touring comedians of our entire fucking last two decades in the industry.
Ladies and gentlemen, make some noise for two of our favorites, the great Russell Peters and Sam Tripoli. The boys are back. Trips. Peters. It's happening, baby. Tripoli and Russell Peters. I figured, why not have a brown invasion on October 7th? That's right. Very fitting. We won't be the only ones bombing. Yeah, it's true. There's already another brown bomber over there. The old boo guy.
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Chapter 2: What are the highlights of the Kill Tony show?
I fucked up when I said that, I guess. I didn't even think he was going to hear it, dude. Make some noise for my guests. They're here. Russell Peters tour starts in Chicago. Tickets at russellpeters.com, samtripoli.com for Sam's tour, everybody. Two of my favorites, two guys that know a lot about the art form. You guys have been on before, you know how it works.
226 signups tonight are across the street. at a little bar called Poor Choices, hoping and praying that their name gets called out of this bucket. If it happens, they get 60 seconds uninterrupted. You know their time is up and you hear the sound of a kitten. That means they have to wrap it up then or else they bring out the angry West Hollywood bear, which interrupts their set.
I've pre-pulled a name. It actually flew out of the bucket, so we're gonna go with that one. And in the meantime, we're gonna start the show with a little standup comedy from a legend. How many of you are fans of the show? How many of you are here because you heard it was a hip, cool thing to do? All right, fuck that person over there. Fucking piece of shit.
Well, this guy is a legend in the history of the show. I mean, what can I say? Four years ago, he was sleeping in his van, addicted to open mics. He is one of the true living, thriving members of the Kill Tony Hall of Fame. Ladies and gentlemen, sing it if you know the words. This is Hans Kipp.
Thank you, guys. Good to be here. I'm pretty good at the Tokyo drift, obviously. I've been working on my Texas drift. That's where I get distracted by my phone and my car goes in the other lane. Israel is fighting Palestine. I think they're on season three. When do the dragons come out, huh?
Throwing a midget or something.
I can't wait to find out how to strap a fleshlight to a Roomba, cause then it's over for you hoes.
All these fucking feminists say that we have to be attracted to fat women now. Why, so they can accuse us of rape too? Nowadays it's considered rude if you don't rape a fat chick. You gotta rape him.
Yeah, thank you so much. Hans Gimmer. Thank you. He does it yet again, ladies and gentlemen. One of the all-time greats from the show. Flexing a new minute. I love it. Well-written, rock solid. Look at your big, happy Asian face. You're adorable. Thank you, Tony.
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Chapter 3: What makes Russell Peters and Sam Tripoli special guests?
Hans, what else is going on in life? Anything else crazy? I'm having a great time on tour every weekend.
I still have my beautiful girlfriend. She is not cheating on me. She is.
You got to believe, Hans. You got to believe.
I mean, even if she is, I get access to her whenever I want, so. That sounds like love right there.
What do you think she's going to say when she hears you say that there was 10 years where you would have fucked anything and you had sex three times? One of them being a chick 300 pounds. So your batting average was .333. with 300 pound girls for a decade. She now knows that about you, that you're that easy and have such low expectations. How do you think?
Oh, she's calling in the girl from a decade ago. We have her on the line. Oh, she's calling now. We heard her first. Red Band's so good at sound effects that the phone ring happens after the pig noises, ladies and gentlemen. It's almost like Tarantino-esque, the timelines with his sound boards. You would think he does it on purpose, like a creative genius.
Is there anything you want to say to the girl? She is on the line. I don't know if you hear that. Oh, there she is calling now. Again, no, she's calling with an old cell phone now. Thank you so much. I needed that. Oh, she's grateful. She thanks you. She loves watching you work, I do believe she said. Okay. Great stuff, Hans. Anything else? I love you guys. I have a new gun.
I have an ankle holster. Oh, wow. Just watch out for that. There he goes. That was Hans Kim. That was Hans Kim. That was Hans Kim. That was Hans Kim. Yeah! All right, your first fucking poll of the night. I don't know if you guys know how this fucking shit works, but this is where we meet everybody. Anything could happen. Could be somebody's first time.
Could be someone that's here trying to make it that's been working at this for two decades straight. Anything can happen now. The whole thing's improvised. This is 60 seconds uninterrupted from Mark Pugh. Straight out of the bucket. We're gonna meet them all together, and then I'm gonna interview them. Mark Pugh.
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Chapter 4: How does the stand-up format work in this episode?
There it is. We have him on there. I'm sure the phone's going to ring any second after. Welcome, Mark. Okie dokie. Thank you. How long you been doing stand-up? I'd say about eight years. Eight years. All of it there in Louisiana?
Yeah, most of it, yeah.
Okay. What part of Louisiana?
Shreveport. You love it there, huh? Yeah. Absolutely. I'm going back tonight. Are you really? Are you being serious? Yeah, I'm moving. Unless somebody in here want to give me a job, I'm going the fuck home. Okay, we're going to get you a job.
Just relax. It's very easy. Thank you. It's very easy. We got you. We got you covered. What are you good at? What do you do for work? What have you done in the past? Let me guess. You worked at some cell phone kiosks or something like that.
No, nigga. No, no. That's his people shit. My...
We, uh... No, no.
We're, uh... We're very picky about who we employ. Yeah, it is, yeah. Yeah, yeah. We know who we can trust. It's fucked up. See, I'm going home. I don't like none of this. I'm uncomfortable.
They're not like this in Shreveport, Louisiana?
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Chapter 5: What are Jacob's experiences with stand-up comedy?
I'm 26. 26. What have you been doing with your life up to this point? Bunch of stuff. Okay, well, you can start listing them off. You're on the show live right now. We're from Montana, so we do a lot of skiing. There is no we. You're by yourself. Stop looking at them. I'm nervous as shit. Stop looking at this table of fucking billy goats over here.
Chapter 6: What is Jacob's background and life story?
Look at this shit. Just a mustache with a ball cap on over here. That's his buddy. That looks like John Holmes.
Exactly, my buddy.
Just a human mustache. Look at that fucking guy. Jesus Christ. He just cut it this morning. He looks fabulous. I love it. So what do you do in Montana? What kind of tractor are you riding? The sweet sounds of Montana.
It sounds exactly like that.
What do you do for work? I package weed. Okay. All right. Weed packager. How long have you been doing that for? About four years. Okay. What do you do for fun?
Moonshine?
moonshining a lot of skiing okay i used to skate a lot um nothing super super interesting it's pretty boring over there okay do stuff like this where'd you get that cool soprano shirt from i just ordered it a few weeks ago from where they deserve a shout out if you can remember uh it's fantasy initiative on instagram oh okay less interesting than i thought i was hoping it was sopranos based official merch but i guess not
Okay. Jacob, what's interesting about you? Was this all true about your dad? Yeah. He was burning food? Doing dishes?
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Chapter 7: How did Jacob's father end up in prison?
Sounds like he was taking care of your ass. He was indeed. While doing drugs? Yes. We're talking about heroin? Yeah. Fentanyl? Probably. But you know for sure heroin? Yeah. And he would nod out while making some raceroni. Yeah. And that basketball card thing's real? Oh, yeah. All right. Where's your dad at now? Back in Montana.
Chapter 8: What unique insights does Fantasia share about her life?
Okay. He's chilling right now. Yeah. Does he have any idea that you came here? Nope. Why not? Because he's doing heroin. When's the last time you talked to him? I talk to him every now and then. Yeah? Yeah. You live with him still? No. Does he usually stay up at about this time? Why don't we unlock your phone and see if we can't get this guy nodding out. Sam, pass this down there.
Unlock this gentleman's phone. What do you think? You think dad's going to take our call? He might, but I don't. Let's take a chance. We're going to take a chance here, Jacob. I don't, I don't. Oh, you have the phone. Don't throw four phones at once. Mustache is coming up with some wild ideas. I'll throw all of you. Come on, let's do it. Fucking creepers. Yeah. I love it.
So what are your thoughts on what's about to happen here? You think your dad's going to be disappointed if he finds out that you just talked about his heroin addiction on the biggest show in all of the industry? I don't think so. Perfect. So which one is it? Are we just going to unlock all of them and go for it here? How about a hand for the lovely Heidi, ladies and gentlemen? All right.
This is going to take about an hour and a half. You just push it on the... Yeah, you got to kind of... There you go. Yeah, we're going to figure this out here. How old's your dad? Early 50s. Does he still work? Yeah. What does he do for a living? He's cleaning schools right now, I think. Cleaning, so he's a janitor. Yeah, he's a janitor. I love it. And you're packaging weed.
All right, that is not the phone. We are playing a little game of Chinese roulette, where you have to figure out which Apple iPhone is Jacob's. It's all Android with these guys. This guy does not want to call his dad. He said no to four phones already. We must be close now.
No.
Let's keep opening phones before we repackage them. We could do that at any point. We are going to do. Yeah, no, sorry, sorry. All right, here we go. So, Jacob, here's the plan. Here's what you're going to do. You're going to hit go on the phone call. Oh, you have to turn it back on. Okay. You're going to hit full send phone call, right? You're going to hit it.
to speakerphone, and you're going to go all the way up with your side volume. Then you're going to take the phone like this, and you're going to put the bottom of it like that. No, the bottom. It's the bottom, Red Band. I love that you're in charge of sound on this show. Just relax. I got this, Red Band. No, no, no. Sam also thinks the other senior correspondent also thinks we got a Red Band.
You ready to do this, Jacob? I am. What's his name, by the way? My name, Jacob. Jacob Sr. This is absolutely beautiful. I'm the third. This is a segment we call Call a Heroin Addict. Very exciting stuff. The call is going into Jacob Hatson Bueller Sr. Here we go. Right up to the bottom of it. Flat. Like flat in the middle. Yep. Jacob. Jacob.
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