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KILL TONY

#690 - ARI SHAFFIR + JIM NORTON

05 Nov 2024

Transcription

Transcript generated automatically by AI and may contain errors.

Chapter 1: What is discussed at the start of this section?

16.535 - 39.96 Unknown

Hey, this is Redneck coming to you live from Staten Island! Here in Las Vegas, Nevada, for a brand-new episode of GeoTownies, get up and come and enjoy!

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47.973 - 56.121 Ari Shaffir

Who's ready for the best fucking Skankfest night of their lives?

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56.141 - 86.34 Tony Hinchcliffe

Oh, shit. Make some noise for Red Band, ladies and gentlemen. Guys, we're back at Skankfest for the first time in years. We're in an arena act, and now you get to see us in a real room. How's that? Fuck yeah. You get to watch a podcast that makes money. Make some noise for Skankfest, Luis J. Gomez, Rebecca, Christine. We're here. It's been years.

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86.48 - 113.05 Tony Hinchcliffe

These shows here, specifically at Skankfest, are famously vulgar, a lot dirtier, a lot sloppier. There's a lot more feedback all the time. There's a lot of weird noises that happen that we're not normally used to with our high level of productions, both in arenas, at the mothership, in Austin. So it's gonna be loosey goosey, fun fun.

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113.09 - 137.789 Tony Hinchcliffe

I'm gonna be pouring into this Crown Royal a little bit earlier than usual. Very loose, fun episode. Is that cool with you guys? Are you guys happy to be here? If there's anybody that expected a different show or anything or wants to go do something else, feel free to leave. We'll bring other people in. Is that cool? Everybody happy?

140.013 - 145.902 Tony Hinchcliffe

Well, in that case, this is a little bit more from the amazing sponsors that made it all possible.

148.97 - 160.388 Brian Redban

The Sunset Strip Comedy Club in Austin, Texas is now open. Check out Red Band's secret show every Thursday. Go to sunsetstripatx.com for tickets.

166.799 - 208.382 Tony Hinchcliffe

You guys ready to start tonight's fucking show? Yeah! Here to watch us watch comedians, two, I can't believe I was able to get them, two of the greatest comedians in the world, two of our favorite comedians in the world, two of the best comedians at Skankfest, two of the best guests in the history of the show, make some fucking noise for Jim Norton and Ari Shaffir! Oh, my goodness.

208.402 - 235.395 Tony Hinchcliffe

Jim Norton and Ari fucking Shafir. First time hanging out since Madison Square Garden with you guys. Jim with fucking two absolutely incredible sets, back-to-back nights, and fucking to see the love that New York gave you was incredible. Ari Shafir ended up costing us $100,000. And... Typical Jew. Yeah. And a lot of trouble.

Chapter 2: What is Skankfest and why is it significant?

311.382 - 332.792 Tony Hinchcliffe

This looks good. Good enough to start. And while we do that, let's have a regular do a brand new minute, huh? Does that sound cool? You guys know this show at all? All right. Ladies and gentlemen, here to do a brand new minute, make some noise for the undeniable superstar. This is the great and powerful KC Rocket.

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355.587 - 389.763 KC Rocket

Luck be a lady tonight. Snake eyes. I'm just trying to get my back blown out in this motherfucker. Put me in a little basket, push me down the river like baby Moses. Trying to get baptized. All right, cool. Man, love this city. City like this, night like tonight, it's good. Get away from the fat cats on Capitol Hill, you know what I mean? They got their little grubby fingies and everything.

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389.903 - 414.275 KC Rocket

Movies, TV, especially movies, you know. Moulin Rouge? No, Moulin Asian. You know what I mean? It's just crazy to think about. And I was watching all the Terminator movies last night, which was hard because I hate machines. And... I thought I'd do a palate cleanser, so I watched all the Transformers movies, and I was like, you gotta be fucking kidding me.

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414.295 - 414.876

I can't get away.

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415.256 - 436.017 KC Rocket

I OD'd on Whippets with Spencer's Gifts last night, and they tried to revive me using smelling salts, but they accidentally gave me poppers, so my butt hole was massive, and... Crazy to think about around the holidays. All right, thank you. I'm Casey Rockett. Have a good night. Casey Rockett.

436.874 - 445.645 Tony Hinchcliffe

A very, very lovely Vegas-themed set. You have a set of dice and some brand new, undeniable Las Vegas shorts.

445.926 - 450.571 KC Rocket

Kind of sexy to think about. Yeah. Very cute. Kind of just shaking that thing. Yeah.

451.172 - 454.597 Hans Kim

Hats off to the Casey Bulge. Not bad. Thanks.

454.617 - 474.922 KC Rocket

Yeah. It's a real flat front, though. I didn't think about that. I adjusted it so it would be that, so that's funny, but I adjusted it like that. The rocket doesn't fall far from the tree in this family. It's actually funny you bring that up because I actually adjusted it to look like that. So it could have... Totally normal.

Chapter 3: How does Ari Shaffir's presence impact the show?

610.298 - 610.779 Hans Kim

That's nice.

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611.5 - 612.662 Tony Hinchcliffe

That's nice. I'm so embarrassed.

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612.682 - 616.067 Hans Kim

I've never been so embarrassed.

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616.087 - 621.456 Tony Hinchcliffe

It looks like you have 13 erections right now. That's how my underwear looks from the back.

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623.022 - 625.186 Hans Kim

Smuggling in two of Diddy's victims in there.

625.206 - 628.531 KC Rocket

Oh, this is my nightmare. What a nightmare.

629.713 - 655.649 Tony Hinchcliffe

Casey, you are such a goddamn superstar. Always the funniest. Hair all the way. I mean, there's just no break between your thighs and your pubes, I can tell. That is just, it is hair all the way around. For those of you that might be interested in what the body hair of one of your favorite comedians looks like, it is 360 degrees all around the thigh with no, there's no lightening of it at all.

655.889 - 659.774 Tony Hinchcliffe

Literally looks like, I mean, a full grown werewolf.

661.055 - 679.633 KC Rocket

Very hairy, Tony, thanks for asking. A lot of hair down there and it's growing. Kind of good. Yeah, that came from within. I get goosebumps down there. It's all standing up. I can tell.

Chapter 4: What unique experiences do the comedians share about Las Vegas?

701.881 - 740.471 Tony Hinchcliffe

It's a special Skankfest secret wild episode. Casey, thank you for getting it started. You are a legend. We love you. There he goes, the great Casey. Ladies and gentlemen. Oh, my goodness gracious. It's Skankfest. This is Kill Tony at Skankfest. Secret show? Wow. Valerie Vaughn, ladies and gentlemen. Heidi is climbing Mount Kilimanjaro right now, literally.

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740.491 - 754.906 Tony Hinchcliffe

And Valerie Vaughn is the full-time ring card slash waitress. How about one more time for Valerie, huh? I'd hate to be the blind guy in the audience for that one.

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754.926 - 758.209 Hans Kim

That was better than I imagined constantly.

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758.815 - 774.257 Tony Hinchcliffe

So now it's bucket time, everybody. We're going to meet one of these young Skankfest comedians. Maybe it's someone in the audience. Maybe it's someone that's been hoping to get on this show for years. Anything can happen. We're going to give them 60 seconds and talk to them all together. Make some noise for Hector Garcia, everybody. Here we go.

774.898 - 802.871 Hector Garcia

Hector Garcia. What up? We got any fans of borderline racism in the house? Yeah. I'm Mexican. I'm on the fence about it. You know, I could go either way. I like racism in fun places like, you know, pool. You guys like pools? My favorite racist game in the world, guys. You go up to a pool table, what do you see? Just the white ball chilling all free. But the colored balls are all locked up, right?

802.891 - 818.844 Hector Garcia

You got to bail them out. What happens to your color, you fall off the table. Back to jail you go, wait till you post-bond. But when you're white, you slip through the cracks, you come back at the other end. White ball privilege, bro. They put you anywhere on that table you want, man. Line me up over here. Got a good shot of that red and yellow motherfucker by the rails.

820.145 - 836.868 Hector Garcia

Half the balls are white, right? Like some kind of, still want to see us on holes. People chalking up, throwing up white powder like LeBron James. They make the black ball go last. Like some kind of final boss you got to battle, like Shona at the end of the movie. Or what happens, you accidentally make the black ball. Everybody out of the water, we can't swim in that shit no more.

836.888 - 853.768 Hector Garcia

Drain it, fill it back up again. There's not even a Mexican ball. I think there's an undocumented Mexican ball that lives inside the pool table, comes out at night, does all the hoodies and shit. Why else would it look so nice? He's hiding from the white and green ball. That's the border patrol ball, the 14. Thank you guys.

Chapter 5: What unexpected demographic buys the most dildos?

3095.261 - 3099.525 Hans Kim

What do you mean? It's a lot of gay men. That's not what you'd expect?

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3100.643 - 3119.512 Hans Kim

It's a lot of gay men in the Bible Belt. It's a lot of gay men, like, in the South. I've sold, like, zero in years. Like, two or three years to anyone in New York. Like, no one has any shame there. It's just all people in, like, Alabama, Mississippi. They're buying from a Canadian WAP. It was fucking... Just pressing the fucking fulfillment button. Like, you fucking disgust me.

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3120.073 - 3130.043 Hans Kim

Bunch of big double-headed ones to J. Trudeau. I knew that would bomb. Sam, what do you do for fun?

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3130.103 - 3133.767 Tony Hinchcliffe

You seem like the kind of guy that buys bottles at nightclubs.

3136.37 - 3144.638 Connor Loughran

I fucking hate those guys so much. No, I don't drink much. I played soccer competitively most of my life. I don't now since kind of starting stand-up.

3147 - 3153.026 Hans Kim

I like to play in the winter on a recreational team. Bro, I got kicked off my team last year, actually. So I'm without a club right now.

Chapter 6: How does personal life impact comedy for performers?

3153.046 - 3183.577 Hans Kim

I'm without a team. Why'd you get kicked off? Because an article was written about me in a newspaper. Pedophile.com? I have a podcast and I was talking about the indigenous and the local newspaper on the reservation bordering Montreal wrote about it. They know how to write now? Yeah, it's great. It's incredible. And no, the guys on my team got freaked out and they kicked me off.

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3183.658 - 3192.877 Hans Kim

So for fear that it might, you know, it might get us, you know. It'd be a shame if I came out on the number one live podcast in the world, just said what the team name is and fucking blew their cover.

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3192.898 - 3202.297 Tony Hinchcliffe

Can you tell us what you said about the indigenous on your podcast? I told them to put the bottle down. You know? I like this version of you that's kind of coming out.

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3202.317 - 3209.528 Hans Kim

Crown Royal, you know, it's ruined many a native family where I'm from. It is what it is, you know? Yeah, this guy's so much better than his stand-up was.

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3210.169 - 3216.178 Tony Hinchcliffe

Yeah, yeah. This loose version of you that's like, I shouldn't, but I'm gonna say it. I know, bro. Everyone tells me that. You're yourself now?

3216.218 - 3217.56 Hans Kim

You're not, like, trying to be anything?

Chapter 7: What challenges does a comedian face in their early career?

3218.021 - 3221.406 Hans Kim

I know. I was sitting down. I went up cold. It is what it is, man.

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3221.606 - 3223.429 Tony Hinchcliffe

You're getting warm now is what you're saying.

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3223.409 - 3224.631 Hans Kim

Sure, yeah.

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Chapter 8: What insights does Ari Shaffir share about his comedy journey?

3224.671 - 3226.533 Hans Kim

My dick is growing right now, bro.

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3226.553 - 3228.996 Tony Hinchcliffe

I got my Lululemon underwear on. I'm flying. So are your eyebrows.

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3229.357 - 3246.919 Hans Kim

Yeah, the eyebrows. Are you coloring those in? Those aren't natural. I swear to God. You want to touch them? You want to rub your fucking face on? Go ahead, Ari. Go ahead. We got to do it now? Okay. Whoa, here we go. It's like Trump's hair. Damn, it's thick. It is, right? It's like something you stop up a hole to not let mice into your apartment.

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3248.57 - 3269.905 Tony Hinchcliffe

What's your love life like? Sam, what's it like for a dildo seller from Montreal? I have a girlfriend. Her family's very proud of me. I've been dating my girlfriend for six and a half years. We met in school. You've been with the same girl for six and a half years? Yes, sir. Okay. Did she ever get high on your supply of dildos? She got one. She got one? Yeah. What color is it?

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3269.925 - 3273.21 Tony Hinchcliffe

It's whatever color my skin is. You made sure of that.

3273.798 - 3294.836 Hans Kim

You're not getting a plaque one. End of story. It's my dick, Cody. It's my dick. You have a great look, too. You have great facially. Like, you act as well. No, no, I've never acted. There's no money in stand-up in Montreal currently. I don't have an agent or anything. Mike Ward makes money. Pardon? Mike Ward makes money. He does, yeah, he's a good guy. He's a good guy.

3294.856 - 3296.097 Hans Kim

He's really good to us up there.

3296.778 - 3302.225 Tony Hinchcliffe

So do you spend most of your time in Montreal? You go a lot of other places. You ended up here because you're a fan of the Skanks?

3302.666 - 3312.478 Connor Loughran

My buddy's actually on the festival. He's got a club up there. I'm a regular at his club, so he just had me come down. He's signed up. He's the best. He's awesome. So I'm just taking it in, man. I'm kind of a couple years in. I just wanted to take it in.

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