Transcript generated automatically by AI and may contain errors.
Chapter 1: What is discussed at the start of this section?
Hey, this is Red Band and you're listening to the Death Squad Podcast Network. This episode of Kill Tony and every episode of Kill Tony can be found at DeathSquad.TV and now on Spotify and Apple Podcasts.
If you want to check out Tony Hinchcliffe's website, go to TonyHinchcliffe.com. everything Golden Pony, including his tour dates, at TonyHinchcliffe.com. If you want to check out the Sunset Strip or get some Death Squad merch, go to DeathSquad.tv. And now, here's a brand new episode of Kill Tony.
Last night, guys, hold on a second. Hold on a second. Ladies and gentlemen, last night, I gave a speech. I don't know if you've heard about this. It was a speech about free speech, believe it or not. And I'm currently under attack. I'm the news. I don't know if you guys know this, but on my speech on free speech, I referenced Puerto Rico.
which currently has a landfill problem in which all of their landfills are filled to the brim. I guess I'm the only person that knew about this, unfortunately. And with that said, I just want to say that I love Puerto Ricans. They're very smart people. They're smart. They're street smart. And they're smart enough to know when they're being used as political fodder.
And right now, that is happening. And I apologize to absolutely nobody. Not to the Puerto Ricans. Not to the whites. Not to the blacks. Not to the Palestinians. Not to the Jews. and nod to my own mother, who I made fun of during the set. Nobody clipped that. No headlines about me making fun of my own mother. Perhaps that venue at that time wasn't the best fucking place to do this set at.
But in any matter, to the mainstream media and to everybody trying to slander me online, That's what I do. I go hard, and that's never going to change. Who's ready for the best fucking night of their lives? Fuck yes! Make some noise for Brian Redman, ladies and gentlemen. Hola! Feels like home in here.
You're at the number one live podcast in the world, brought to you by Squarespace, Zip-X, SimpliSafe, and GameTime. How about one more time for the best goddamn band in the land? Grooveline Horns, Carlos Sosa. Raul Vallejo. Did I fuck it up already? And Fernando Castillo. Michael Gonzalez. I swear to God, this has been my band the whole time, people. Matt Muehling, everybody.
The token of the band, if you will. John Dees, ladies and gentlemen. And D Madness, everybody. You know, my band for years, typical racist band. Typical hater of the browns and blacks.
uh life is good business is a booming before we get started here's a little bit more from the amazing sponsors that made it all possible the sunset strip comedy club in austin texas is now open check out red band's secret show every thursday go to sunsetstripatx.com for tickets
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Chapter 2: What speech did Tony Hinchcliffe give and what was the reaction?
I'm from an island full of criminals, and we're coming here taking your jobs, and I'm happy. Happy to be a part of it. I hit up every Puerto Rican I know. Nobody wanted a piece of this action tonight. I tried to make anyone, I was finding Puerto Ricans on the street saying, do you want to be a regular on a really big show? Can you write a minute every week? Anything goes.
It doesn't have to be good. We'll make you better. Just come on. And no one wants to play. But James, you know how this works. Believe it or not, ladies and gentlemen, I don't know what the conspiracy is here, but we have set a record tonight for sign-ups. 283 human beings are at a bar across the street hoping that a producer runs over there with a megaphone and yells their name.
These names are in the bucket. It's almost as though the mainstream media is bullshit and they don't know what they're fucking talking about. Almost. It would definitely appear that way. Comedians are excited to take a shot here at this show tonight. This is very, very exciting. And so it begins. You know how it works. If I pull your name out of a bucket, you get 60 seconds uninterrupted.
You know your time is up when you hear the sound of a kitten. It means you have to wrap it up then or else you bring out the angry West Hollywood bear. And then I interview you. You wrap up the set. I interview you. We find out more about the person. Anything can happen. The whole thing's improvised. Chaos. Should be a lot of fun. You guys ready to start tonight's fucking show? Forget it.
It's canceled. You guys ready to start tonight's fucking show? Yeah! Ladies and gentlemen, performing first tonight with a brand new 60 Seconds, one of the greatest regulars in the entire show's history. A man so fearless, so strong, so powerful that we must, we must make him an American citizen. To start tonight's show, I present to you a brand new minute from the Estonian assassin.
This is Ari Matty!
Hey, America. Whoever you vote for is your business. But the sign outside of your house on the lawn is fucking insane. That's where your wife and kids live. Even if you vote for Kamala, don't put a sign out there for the maniacs to see that in this house, there's an unarmed pussy waiting.
I'm gonna rob you out of principle.
I'm just gonna walk in, give me all your shit. Some Sam Smith looking fuck is in the kitchen. wearing a mask in his own house. Honey, come down. He's here to rob us. Some green-haired bitch comes down. Don't assume. They are here to rob us. That's why the sign outside my lawn has Trump 2024 with two swastikas. In this house, we grab pussy, we shoot people. Come on in! Thank you very much.
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Chapter 3: How does James McCann express his feelings about being on the show?
I don't really do jokes per se. I do more bits. You do bits? Okay. Can you do one of the bits? If you want me to. It's a little long. Is there anything kind of like... Well, I do mostly improv and riffing. Like the joke you just heard, I riffed that on stage once and I edited it.
Seen McDonald's.
Incredible. Incredible. What would be something about your entire life that we would be surprised by? What's the most interesting fact about your life? I do this. This really takes up all my time. I also make music. What kind of music do you make? Rap. You make rap music. Watch out. He's going to make you rap now. I've seen this before.
Well, geez, way to really step on the big surprise here, James. I don't know that we have 45 minutes to listen to one rap song. Aye. Wow. This is incredible. Do you rap yourself? Yeah, it's all I love to do. I love comedy and music, and I don't do much other than that besides my day job, you know? Okay. All right. I like your style. Were you vaccinated?
You must have been an essential worker in New York City, right? I don't think that has anything to do with what we're doing. I know a man who's trying not to answer that question when I say it. Respect. Yeah, I mean, get facts, don't get facts. That's on you. Do your thing. Absolutely. Absolutely. Get facts. Be a shift leader.
um so you said that you said that i said it uh i want to hear you rap a little bit uh michael if you could just give him a light beat nothing too loud and crazy because i want to hear him i can already tell he's not going to be that loud he's not going to project nice and soft guys nice and easy even even slightly more easier than that there you go yo
Made in his image, so get a good look I'm an open book, but closed minded At times I find myself misunderstood And it gets me shook, it's just how I feel inside And these kids getting kids meals, food for thought You know a hungry minded adult is the result Pulse of truth pass through the youth as it rains. Gotta shed those tears if you wanna know the pain.
If there's bad blood, then someone's gotta bleed. Gotta air it out so everyone can breathe. But violence ain't the answer, it's the error.
Means someone messed up, know you need to bless up. What connects us? Nothing, cause we divided. By block, by city, by country, gotta reunite and give peace a chance like John Lennon.
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Chapter 4: What insights does Ari Matty share about his comedy process?
Wow. Yeah. What have you guys done? Oh, man. We went to Hawaii twice. We've gone to Thailand. Wow. What did you see in Hawaii? Some beautiful water balls? Okay. I'm really chasing a dragon here that doesn't exist.
You should go to bowling.
Okay.
I love it. Were you jealous of all the girls in Thailand for having more balls than you? That's the new sound for when you... Have a good one. It's called victory. That's what that sound effect's called. Oh, man. I love it. This is going to go on the internet. Yeah, that's what this is. You're in it, buddy.
I just can't stop staring at your, like, the whole... No, that's not the balls.
That's an Ari thing. He loves men and their genitals. You grab my thigh every time we're alone in a green room together.
Yeah, I do.
You have a joke book already? Yes. What size? Big and small. Wow. There you go. Just like your... All right. Ladies and gentlemen, there he goes. Chad Mitchell Rogers, ladies and gentlemen. It's all happening. Yep. Your next comedian is a very special treat. You know her, you love her, an absolute legend of the game.
This is the great and powerful Fiona Cauley, ladies and gentlemen, here she comes.
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Chapter 5: What humorous anecdotes are shared about family and relationships?
My grandma say nigga too, and she love you, she love you. Locked in forever, you know what it is? I get it. I kill somebody about you, nigga, I swear to God. You know that. Murder. I don't think you should say that out loud. You know I'm playing.
Chapter 6: How does the discussion shift to personal experiences and humor?
This is obviously a joke. Yeah. Maybe an armed robbery, but not a murder. Nah, nigga, murder.
Killing somebody.
Chapter 7: What insights are shared about the challenges of dating?
Death. You gon' be with me, right, Ari? Hell yeah. Game's coming. Nah, okay.
Hey, Tony, we gon' kill somebody. For you.
Chapter 8: What are the key takeaways from this episode?
For you, nigga, I swear to God. Me and Ari. Yeah. Together. Tony Hinchcliffe gang threatens murder. I'm saying it now. It's true. This is the closest thing to a Nazi rally I've been to in a long time. Hey, hey, it's all good. Jesus is here. We fine now. It's okay. Jesus is here. Jesus is here, nigga. We good. Jesus Christ. What the fuck is that? Brown Jesus? Yeah. Oh, my God.
Has he been there the whole time? Yeah, yeah. What is wrong? What does that say about me? If I feel like I've looked everybody in the audience in the eyes at some point, all of a sudden it took someone pointing out Jesus. Sometimes, Tony, that's what it takes. He's always there waiting for you to turn to him. And you just need a friend by your side to let you know. Hey! He here, baby.
He made it. I found Jesus. This is good, man. You're doing the Russell Brand. That's how you get out of the scandal. Who Russell Brand? Who that is? What ethnicity is that Jesus? Ask him for me. Hey, what's who is, nigga? What is your race? That's not real Jesus. Mexican? Did he say Mexican? Yeah, he said Mexican. Man, he must have accidentally nailed a nail through his own hand at some point.
Whoa, a Mexican joke. Tony, if you keep doing jokes like that, you're going to get in trouble. You've got to be careful. Oh, my goodness gracious. I love it. This is good, man. I'm having a good time. We are having a good old time. I like it. Ari, Matty, what do you think about your little... I love Cam. Come on, man. Why can't I go to Estonia?
No, you can. I never...
Oh, you heard about that.
Yeah, I heard. I went here that day. I can't go. They don't like black people. You're going to fuck all the women that now I can't fuck. Come on. We can do it together, nigga. You ever heard of a train?
You ever heard of a train? The train to where? Same place we started, brother. Look. You ever heard of a train? It's a girl, me, and you. We can high five and shit like that. Oh, shit. Come on, nigga.
I can't follow you, though. What if you give her, like, really good dick and then I'm, like, for the conversation? Hey, how about you fuck her, I make breakfast? That's it. Come on. Come on. Overall package of this bitch.
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