Transcript generated automatically by AI and may contain errors.
Chapter 1: What is discussed at the start of this section?
Hey, this is Red Band, and you're listening to the Death Squad Podcast Network. This episode of Kill Tony and every episode of Kill Tony can be found at DeathSquad.tv, Apple, Spotify, and anywhere you get podcasts. Check out TonyHinchcliffe.com for everything The Golden Pony, Tony Hinchcliffe. You can also check out ShopSquad.tv for Death Squad merch, hats, mugs, whatever.
ShopSquad.tv. And now here's a brand new episode of Kill Tony. The uncensored live stream of two nights here from Austin, Texas, December 30th and 31st. You can snuggle up in the cold with your loved ones or all by yourself or with a bottle of tequila or whatever you're into in this crazy world.
snuggle up stay warm december 30th and 31st with the completely uncensored kill tony's live from the heb center in austin texas this is a new super annual amazing event it is our biggest two-night event of the year and we're super excited about it it is on sale now kill tony live.com get it for your loved ones get it for yourself love it or hate it live december 30th and 31st
We are done.
Hey, this is Red Band coming to you live from the Comedy Mothership here in Austin, Texas for a brand new episode of K.L. Donnie. Give it up for Tony Hatchcock! Who's ready for the best fucking night of their lives, huh? Make some noise for Brian Red Band, ladies and gentlemen. Keep it going for the best damn band in all the land. That's the Kill Tony Band.
The great Michael Gonzalez on the drums. Fernando Castillo, Raul Vallejo, and Carlos Sosa on the horns. Matt Muehling on the electric guitar, John Dees on the keys, and the great and powerful Dee Madness on the bass guitar, everybody. Having fun in here tonight. Feels electric. Before we get started, here's a little bit more from the amazing sponsors that made it all possible.
The Sunset Strip Comedy Club in Austin, Texas is now open. Check out Red Band's secret show every Thursday. Go to sunsetstripatx.com for tickets.
Are you guys ready to start tonight's episode? Well, here we go.
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Chapter 2: What special events are promoted during the episode?
This is going to be fun. Ladies and gentlemen, we have one guest tonight and one guest only, and I couldn't be more excited about it. One of my favorite human beings on planet Earth, one of the funniest people I know. Ladies and gentlemen, make some noise for the great, the powerful. This is RFK Jr., All right. Great to see you, Tony. I'm so glad you're here, RFK Jr.
You're one of my favorite people. I should probably say that I can't... I can't stay too long. I have a German shepherd slow roasting on my grill that I have to tend to. But I'll be here for most of the show. I'm very excited to have you. You've actually been on this show before at the LA Forum. You did a minute. Your wife Cheryl came out. How's Cheryl doing? Who's that?
So you know how it works. Indeed, there is a bucket. I don't know how many sign-ups. Usually about 232 tonight. Okay. There's some people missing, maybe home for the holidays or something. 232 human beings signed up tonight inside of this bucket. Absolutely anything can happen. If I pull their name out, they get 60 seconds. You know their time is up and you hear the sound of a kitten.
That means they have to wrap it up then or else they bring out the angry West Hollywood bear. I'm going to let this lucky human in the front pick the first name. Hand it off to me. You don't have to read it, sir. It's okay. There you go. Oh, okay. That's actually a familiar name. We've seen that before. We're going to go wrangle that person from across the street. They're all at a bar.
Because there's so many of them, we can't possibly hold them here. So they're gonna go get him from across the street. While they're waiting, maybe I should apologize real quickly because I'm low on electrolytes and I'm gonna be sipping this fermented owl urine throughout the show. I wanna apologize now for doing that. Oh, Jesus Christ.
You know, owl urine doesn't taste as good as you think it would.
Oh, this is going to be epic.
And it's going to start with an unbelievable bang, ladies and gentlemen. This is a very, very special episode. Every once in a while, you know, I like to do things a little different. I like to keep the fans on their toes and, you know, mix it up. So while we wrangle your first bucket pull of the night, I would like to present to you your first comic of the night. is a regular.
He is a hall of famer. He is the record holder for all time appearances on this show. All time interviews on this show. Some people call him the tyrant of Temecula. The Vermont vascular vagrant. The vanilla gorilla. The Memphis strangler. This is The Big Red Machine. A brand new minute from the one and only William Montgomery.
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Chapter 3: Who is the guest featured in this episode?
Absolutely incredible. I mean, what can I say that I haven't said about you a thousand times before? You're a legend. We love you. The new minutes have piled up. You are the record holder. You are the backbone of the show. Red Band thinks you're gay. I know. That's kind of weird. That is kind of weird. That's a new angle. That's a new angle coming from Red Band.
Red Band has figured out that calling you gay is something.
Did you color your beard, Red Band? You got a little color in that, don't you? Did you do some Just For Men gel? It looks a lot darker than normal. I gotta tell you. I did. You look good.
I put a little bit too much Just For Men into this. It looks so natural, no one can tell. Yeah. You wouldn't know anything about this. I wouldn't. No, I don't have a beard. I cannot grow a beard. There's not enough testosterone in the world. for me to be able to grow a beard. I've been seeing these people on CNN, these trans correspondents, these women that have turned into men.
I saw one the other day had a full fucking beard. I'm like, this is bullshit. How the fuck are the trans people getting more testosterone into their bloodstream than me? I'm truly jealous of these women becoming more men than I am. I'm a man and I'm on testosterone and I have a penis and balls and I still can't grow a full beard. One day. One day. One day. One day. One day.
I'll keep my fingers and my legs crossed. Ladies and gentlemen, the show has begun with the stylings of the great and powerful William Montgomery. Where do we go from here? What a way to start. That's normally how you end. It's like a Tarantino film. It started with the ending. And I did meet Tarantino, one of my new best friends. No big deal.
Your first bucket poll is a legend, ladies and gentlemen. I remember this guy very clearly. A very interesting human being. Ladies and gentlemen, this is the long-awaited return of Sturm Wurm. How could we forget from years ago, Sturm Wurm? One more time for Sturm Wurm. Yeah, so about a year ago, I got a lap dance. from a guy.
And I came in my... A couple of days later, I downloaded the Grindr app. Within an hour, I was getting head in a parking lot. Ten other messages from dudes within a one-mile radius begging me to suck my dick.
You know? It's always looked like the gays are having more fun. After extensive research, I've come to the conclusion that theory is correct. I mean, my life is so gay, I might as well be fucking dudes. Pretty sure I'm not a homosexual, but I can't keep going along with this farce that I'm in some stalemate tie with all of y'all for being the straightest motherfucker that's ever lived.
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Chapter 4: What humorous anecdotes are shared about past experiences?
What's the most exciting thing about your life, Sam Henderson? Most exciting thing about my life, I speak Spanish. Wow. That's a big deal in Lexington, Kentucky. You might be the only person in Kentucky that speaks Spanish. That's absolutely incredible. Can you give us a little example of your Spanish? Can you say something that perhaps the band could understand, the horn players over there?
Soy gringo, pero estoy aprendiendo español. No, no.
Wow, listen to those.
No creo que soy fluente, pero creo que soy conversacional. Pero yo sé que Tony es un maricón.
Oh, you son of a bitch. You son of a bitch. Tú no bueno en la comédica. How about that, you piece of shit? I love it. Sam, what's your love life like? You're in Kentucky, you banging your relative. I wish.
I wish.
What's going on? I'm single right now.
Got out of a relationship beginning of the year. Just been doing my thing, trying to do comedy. I've been kind of planning on moving here, so I haven't been trying to get into any relationship or anything.
Yeah, you definitely want to not hook up with anybody just in case if you ever have to move to Austin, Texas.
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Chapter 5: What makes Cam Patterson a powerful performer?
Another new minute. Amazing sometimes how the people that do it every week, you know. This has been a real sausage fest.
Come on.
Yeah. We're going to see what happens next. This is a one-word name. Anything could happen. Could be a boy. Could be a girl. Ladies and gentlemen, make some noise for Law. L-A-W. It's Law, everybody.
So when I was in high school, girls would play this game called Fuck, Marry, Kill. And it's like where you make a list on who would you rather fuck, marry, or kill. And one time this girl made a list of me, Shrek, and the donkey from Shrek. Yeah, guess who got killed? The girl who made the list. Yeah, so my cousin, my cousin just came out as gay on Facebook because I have his password.
I remember one time my girlfriend and I were having sex and she kept saying, is it in yet? And as a man, that's not something you want to hear. when you're fisting your girlfriend.
Law, ladies and gentlemen. The Kill Tony debut of Law. What's good, brother? Wow. Very impressive. Welcome, welcome. Thanks for having me, man. This is the first time I've seen your stand-up, but I have seen you around here. You work here at the Mothership now. I do. Amazing stuff.
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Chapter 6: What are the pros and cons of dating in Baltimore versus Austin?
Adam knows how to pick them.
Amazing. Do you sign up for the show often?
Chapter 7: How does the discussion shift to the challenges of being a teacher?
I mean, yeah, when I'm working, yeah. I'll be chilling. I love it. I love it. How long you been doing stand-up? Four years. Four years. Where at?
Chapter 8: What unique experiences does Andrew Renaud share about his Navy career?
Baltimore, Maryland. And you moved here how long ago?
Like six months ago. Six months ago.
Yeah.
You love it here? Oh, it's great, man. So many white bitches.
Yeah. There's a lot of them.
I didn't like them at first, but now I do.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Why didn't you like them at first? What do you prefer? What's the pluses and minuses of the white bitches?
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