Transcript generated automatically by AI and may contain errors.
Chapter 1: What is discussed at the start of this section?
Hey, this is Red Band, and you're listening to the Death Squad Podcast Network. This episode of Kill Tony and every episode of Kill Tony can be found at DeathSquad.tv, Apple, Spotify, and anywhere you get podcasts. Check out TonyHinchcliffe.com for everything The Golden Pony, Tony Hinchcliffe. You can also check out ShopSquad.tv for Death Squad merch, hats, mugs, whatever. ShopSquad.tv.
And now here's a brand new episode of Kill Tony.
Hey, this is Redneck coming to you live from the Comedy Mothership here in Austin, Texas for a brand new episode of Kill Tony. Get up for Tony Hitchclap!
Who's ready for the best fucking night of their lives, huh? Yippee! Make some noise for the great Brian Redman! Hi! And the best damn band in the land. Am I right, people? You are in the live music capital of the world. That is the Kill Tony Band. On the horns, Carlos Sosa, Raul Vallejo, Fernando Castillo, Nachos Belgrande, On the drums, that is Big Mike, Michael Gonzalez. He is here.
Matt Muehling on the electric guitar. John Dees on the keys. And that is indeed the one and only D Madness on the bass guitar. Live in the flesh. The real deal. How about a hand for Max Frost on the pre-show music? What a star. God, you've got to love Austin, Texas. You never know what musician or comedian you will find here.
This episode is brought to you by Blue Chew, Blue Nile, and Prize Picks. And life is good. Before we start tonight's episode, here's a little bit more from the amazing sponsors that made it all possible for you right here, right now.
The Sunset Strip Comedy Club in Austin, Texas is now open. Check out Red Band's secret show every Thursday. Go to sunsetstripatx.com for tickets.
Are you guys ready to start tonight's episode? Every single week, I book the show, and what a great way to do it tonight. Two of the funniest human beings that have ever been guests on this show. Literally, one of them is the guest with the record, I do believe. We have to double-check it, but I do believe he passed the late, great Brody Stevens for appearances on this show.
Ladies and gentlemen, make some noise for your guests. Two of the best. It's Luis J. Gomez and Joe Lyft! Jay Gomez from the Legion of Skanks. Joe List is here.
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Chapter 2: How do the hosts introduce the guests?
The birds are flying. This is fun. What a perfect little duo. Two great friends from the city of New York. A beautiful, beautiful place if you don't count illegal immigrants lighting innocent women on fire on subways. But other than that, a stunning city that we visit two nights a year exclusively to do your biggest arena. And I'm glad you guys could make it to a city with law and order.
You call this city a city with law and order? Are you out of your fucking mind? The homeless people should light themselves on fire here. You would clean up this shithole. Are you out of your mind?
I've never been here and not run from a homeless person on this street. Well, in their defense, you do look like their perfect prey, Joe List. I mean, I'm not even homeless and I want to chase you sometimes when I see you.
Last time, I was sprinting away from two homeless people screaming at me, and as I was running away, two hipsters in skinny jeans and fedoras were walking the opposite direction, and it was the most humiliating experience of my life. That is Austin, Texas. That was Austin Parade. That's our annual parade. The homeless go one way, hipsters go the other way. It's true chaos.
You guys have done this show before. You know how it works. A lot of the open micers are out of town. A record for the least sign-ups we've had since being here at the Mothership, 185 people are across the street, stacked on top of one another in a bar called Poor Choices. And if I pull their name out of this bucket, they get 60 seconds uninterrupted.
You know their time is up, and you hear the sound of a kitten. Ah! That means they have to wrap it up then or else they bring out the angry West Hollywood bear, which brutally interrupts their set. And then I conduct an interview. We laugh about what could possibly have happened during their set or what else they could possibly talk about or what else is interesting in their lives.
My friend with the Kill Tony hat, I'm going to let you do the honor of picking the first name. The Bucket of Destiny has spoken. And that is indeed a legible written name. And that person will be wrangled, and they will be the first bucket pool of the night. But while we wrangle that person, we're going to get a golden ticket winner up here who is fun to watch.
And you know what I like about this guy? This isn't one of our – this isn't one of our – big blast out superstars. What I like about this guy is that the plan is to hopefully watch him grow in real time over a long period of time on this show. He has had gone through traumatic brain injury, ladies and gentlemen. He has the record for most appearances on one episode of a show.
This is a brand new minute from the one and only Drew Nickens.
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Chapter 3: How does the humor around Austin's culture unfold?
She's almost ready to retire.
Okay, so what level is she teaching exactly?
So she fluctuates. She'll go from third grade to fifth grade. She'll loop, which means stays with the same students for two years. Like, it just depends.
Right, right, right, right, right. And what level are you at?
Level enough to fuck your mom.
Whoa, what the fuck was that? What the fuck was that?
These people. All I do is help this fucking guy. All I do is help him. My mom told me that you suck too on the internet. And meanwhile, what do I do? I go, Drew, you got another minute? Let's try. Take your time. Enunciate. Fucking pace yourself. And then you come out and you say, I'm a fucking mom, don't I? What kind of fucking bullshit is everyone just take the knives out of my back?
I can read between the lines and your mom's legs.
What the fuck is going on? What is going on? Are you threatening to fuck my 78-year-old mother? Joy is going to be upset with you. Yeah, Joy liked you before this, Drew. We can go to... There's one more person posting on Reddit after this. It's a 78-year-old. out of Youngstown, Ohio. Guys, what do you think about Drew Nickens? I'm not asking you. Are you guys insane? No. Louis J. Gomez.
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Chapter 4: What is the significance of the 'Bucket of Destiny'?
Fuck yeah, I don't like that!
You were smoking same hookah for three hours. There was nothing left in it. My hookah chef asked you if you'd like a refill. You refused. You know, Coles can't save a hookah that's been smoked for hours. I'm sorry you feel this way, but you should learn how hookah work. You can't smoke ashes. Wow. This is incredible. Let's read another review of Pushkin. Please, let's do it.
Came here to smoke hookah. Worst customer service from the hookah server. Not friendly at all. He stated they have a rule that we have to change the hookah and make a refill after one hour because they have this rule and it's not true. He would not change the charcoal for us and when he did, he only added one charcoal. I would not recommend anyone to come here. You feel very unwelcome.
I will never come back again. Ike G responded. I'm sorry, but your review is lie.
Oh, my God!
You were smoking same hookah for three hours. There was nothing left in it. My hookah chef asked if you'd like a refill. You refused. You know coals can't save a hookah. I copy-paste. I copy-paste. I'm sorry you feel this way, but you should learn how hookah works. You can't smoke ashes. I swear to God. I'm not kidding, by the way. It would be funny for me to just read the same response.
I swear to God. You could check these reviews. Hold on. Don't scroll.
Let me just... If you do one good review or something, I'm losing customers here, man.
Okay, one year review, one year ago. I and husband's experience here was absolutely awful with two exclamation points. We came to this place looking at their Yelp reviews as we were in San Diego for celebrating our anniversary. The pictures and the reviews are all so deceiving. I wonder how they got all these nice reviews. Let's start with the ambiance. Nothing looks like the pictures.
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Chapter 5: What humorous commentary is made about abortion and its side effects?
That's a very late-term abortion. There it is. It has arrived to the heavens. Oh, and a fart. Wow. I guess that's a side effect of whatever they give you for abortions. Yeah. Oh, Red Band. Red Band, that's too much. That's too much, Red Band. Oh, the crowd goes wild. Red Band is on fire. An incredible set of noises for the abortion. Wow. I can't believe you did that. That is... Oh, God. Oh, no.
Was that a circular song? Okay, we're having a lot of fun here tonight.
A vacuum cleaner would be perfect.
Chapter 6: How does the conversation shift to personal experiences with abortions?
Okay, where's your victory thing? You deserve it. You deserve it after that. Red band on the soundboard. There it is, right here. Right here. Hey, red band! Wow. Red Band is a natural Beethoven on this iPad. It is absolutely incredible. That was a true journey. Have you ever taken a woman to get an abortion? Yeah. Yeah, I have. And what is that drive like for you exactly? Real funny. Well...
Yeah, it's very quiet, typically speaking. It's not a fun time. I mean, it's a great time.
Chapter 7: What insights are shared about relationships and parenting?
Internally, I'm celebrating, obviously, but externally, you have to look sad. You just have to kind of maintain that. Yeah, you have to play it cool, right? Absolutely. Do any moments stand out to you, pre- or post-abortion?
One of them happened literally right after I had a threesome.
You got a double abortion.
Oh, no, no. Oh, fuck.
That would have been so expensive. Holy shit. Well, it would have been twice as expensive as one abortion.
Yeah, but it was kind of like a high moment for me and then a really low moment right after.
So it was just a roller coaster, an emotional roller coaster.
If you would have put the girl on a roller coaster, she wouldn't need an abortion.
That's so true. You're right about that. In retrospect, I should have just. That is a good point. So you had a threesome and you came inside of one of the girls. Right, yeah. And would you have come inside of the other girl if you would have been inside of her at the time? No, no, huh? She didn't seem like mom material, if I'm being real. So, okay, now we're getting somewhere.
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Chapter 8: How does the discussion transition to topics of comedy and performance?
Another baby down the chimney. There they go. All right. Okay. What was my question? I don't even remember anymore. Okay, so sometimes you'll meet a woman, right? And you'll, like, hook up with her that night. And if she seems... What makes a woman seem maternal to you? A guy who obviously didn't have a real mom in your life.
Whoa!
Holy shit. You did?
Yeah, yeah.
Loving mother. Yeah, very much so. She homeschooled me all the way through high school. He alluded to his mother watching the show. You see this? Okay, okay. Wow. We are finding out a lot right now. So, a very close connection with your mother.
Someone say, I still kiss her on the lips, it's fine.
You do. We all do. Okay. Thank you, thank you, yeah. Because we're good sons. No, he's saying that he kisses your mom on the lips. I misunderstood that. Fuck you. That was a think piece of a joke. Humiliation. Okay. Wow. This is just incredible to me. So, does your mom know that you love coming inside of Mexican women?
Ah, fuck. I hope not.
Do you think she would still kiss you directly on the lips if she does? I mean, I'm not coming in my own mouth, Tony. So, yeah, she would still kiss me on the lips, I feel like. That can be fun. Okay. Just kidding. Davey Jackson, very fun interview. Great stuff. You already have a big joke book. Yes, sir. On to the next one. There he goes, Davey Jackson.
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