Transcript generated automatically by AI and may contain errors.
Chapter 1: What is discussed at the start of this section?
Hey, this is Red Band, and you're listening to the Death Squad Podcast Network. This episode of Kill Tony and every episode of Kill Tony can be found at DeathSquad.tv, Apple, Spotify, and anywhere you get podcasts. Check out TonyHinchcliffe.com for everything The Golden Pony, Tony Hinchcliffe. You can also check out ShopSquad.tv for Death Squad merch, hats, mugs, whatever. ShopSquad.tv.
And now here's a brand new episode of Kill Tony. Hey, this is Redman coming to you live from Vulcan Gas Company here in Austin, Texas for a brand new episode of Kill or Die. Get up and tone it.
Let's go! Who's ready for the best fucking night of their lives tonight, huh? and the best damn band in the land, ladies and gentlemen. Am I correct? Indeed, that is Michael Gonzalez on the drums. Raul Vallejo, Fernando Castillo, Carlos Sosa, Huevos Rancheros. This is Matt Muehling right here behind me on the electric. This is Shawn Dees on the keys.
And believe it or not, ladies and gentlemen, that is D Madness. That's the first time I've ever gotten to use the blind stick before. That's very exciting. This is Kill Tony, brought to you by Shopify, Nicked, and Open Phone. You're at the number one live podcast in the world.
Some people, including YouTube and Netflix, are saying we're the new number one comedy show in the world, everybody, right here in Austin, Texas. Where it all started in Austin, Vulcan Gas Company. Not a lot of people know this, but we came straight here during the pandemic. We didn't go anywhere else in Austin.
We support no other clubs other than, of course, our new home of the Comedy Mothership. And we decided, why not do some fun throwback episodes in the grungy fucking, one of the just the dirtiest 6th Street clubs that there is. We're back at Vulcan Gas Company, and you are here, those of you lucky enough to get tickets within the first four minutes of them being on sale.
We're going to have fun tonight. Before we get started, here's a little bit more from the amazing sponsors that made it all possible. Are you guys ready to start tonight's fucking show? You know, every single week, I book two or one sometimes of the funniest people in the world. This is a two-person show.
And because we're at Vulcan, and because this is just grungy, true Austin, Texas feel to me, it's not brand new. It's smoky. It's leaky. This building is very leaky. And it just reminds me of a random ass fun night in Austin.
So I invited not only two of the best comedians in the world, but two of my favorite Austinites, two of my favorite drinking buddies, two of the best comedians in the world working today. Indeed, make some noise for Joe DeRosa and Ari Mathey. The Estonian assassin and the dirty pig, Joe DeRosa.
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Chapter 2: What makes Vulcan Gas Company special for the show?
Thank God. Live in the flesh, Ari Matty. Here we go. Here we go. Here we go. How are we doing, okay? Thank God. Ari's the man. This is the dirtball pig himself, Joe DeRosa.
The king pig.
How are you, buddy?
We're having fun tonight. I'm so excited to be back here. The first time I ever did Kill Tony in Austin, it was at the Vulcan, and it's been at the Mothership ever since, but it's so fucking cool to be back here at this place. It's a vibe.
Ari, you got to perform here. Never. Really? Never. You were post-Mothership. Post-Mothership. Wow. Amazing. Amazing. This is where we did it. 100 plus episodes. Oh, Red Band's tits are shaking. What's going on? What are you laughing at over here? Okay. Fun, fun, fun. Sorry, I was trying to get a look at his tits. Yeah, they are some fucking sweet fucking... They are good tits. Thick and hardy.
Old turkey breasts over here. All right. You guys know how the show works. About a 200 or so. Comedians, make some noise real quick. Wait, you guys are all comedians? That's psychotic. You guys don't take direction very well, but I like your energy. They're back there. That's the point. There's a couple hundred comedians smashed over on the other side of the room.
The overflow's at a bar next door. It's all chaos. If I pull one of their names out of the bucket, they get 60 seconds uninterrupted. You know their time is up and you hear the sound of a kitten. That means they have to wrap it up then or else they bring out the angry West Hollywood bear. which loudly interrupts their set.
And then I conduct an interview and we talk shit and figure out more about them. They go through an entire interview process. And yeah, that's the gist of it. But to start tonight's show, ladies and gentlemen, how many of you are fans of Kill Tony? How many of you are here because you had rich parents and you live in Austin, you wanna be part of the coolest thing in town? Okay. That was good.
Nobody failed that task. Well, fans of the show, you're in for a very special treat. This man is a Kill Tony Hall of Famer to start the show tonight. He's one of the most powerful regulars in the history of the show. Ladies and gentlemen, roast God. Make some noise for the one and only David Lucas, everybody. Oh, my God. The show starting with David Lucas?
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Chapter 3: How do the comedians prepare for their performances?
Yes, sir. Touring all across the country doing the Killers of Kill Tony tour. Me, Ari, Cam, Martin Phillips, Aaron Blau. What's it like traveling? It's a cripple, three blacks, and me. That's the tour. Killers of Kill Tony.
It's the most Kill Tony shit ever, bro. It is.
Two retards, a white, and three niggas. That shit fun as hell, bro. I hope that shit don't never stop. I have so much fun.
Tell me about the road part, not the shows. What's it like being out with Martin Phillips and stuff?
I don't go out with that nigga. I do. You do? Yeah. I do. I have time. I have patience. I already be riding in a car. Dude, when it's windy outside, we're going wherever the wind takes us. You know what I'm saying? Martin ain't fighting wind. He just, he leads towards a direction and hopes for the best. You know Martin Phillips drives from show to show. I'm driving. I'm in his car. I know.
Dude, it's the scariest shit, dude. I take edibles and I just watch Martin drive. Dude, we're overtaking people. We're smoking weed. It's crazy.
You should see when people look in the car and they're like, he's driving? Goddamn right. That shit weird as hell, bro. Wow. Hell yeah. My goodness. You should join us on one, though. That should be hard as hell.
Yeah, I'll pop in on one.
People always ask, where's Tony? Yeah, that's a separate ticket. I'll be like, somewhere getting fucked.
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Chapter 4: What insights do the comedians share about their experiences?
Do you sign up every week? Pretty much. All right. How long have you been doing stand-up? A little over four years. Four years. All of it here in Austin? No, in Atlanta before this. Okay. How long have you been here? Since August.
Okay.
Since August. Okay. All right. How's this different than Atlanta? Tell the people around the world how Austin's different than Atlanta.
Let's all say it together. Less black. That's true. It's true. It's a true thing. I'm not making that up. It's not racist. It's just a true thing.
I want to give an honest critique of your set. I thought when you stopped trying to be shocking, which you were trying to do at the beginning, and when you stopped saying things that were obviously fake about your dog... playing Xbox, whatever the fuck that joke was. When you started to actually say real things you saw, you started getting big laughs, man. Stick to that shit.
Stick to the real shit, dude.
Yeah. Well, I wanted to... Last time I was here, I did, like, audience call and response stuff, and Tony didn't like that as much, so I wanted to just... Neither did the crowd or the viewers at home.
I like that you're putting it on me.
Well... Nobody liked it.
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Chapter 5: What humorous insights do they share about dating experiences?
Psycho. Get out of here. I was saving that, you fucking... Get out of here. You're the creepy one for reading me reading some other dude's flirty text over my shoulder. He doesn't know any better. He's European. I keep... By the way, you're all in big trouble because I keep scrolling up because I'm seeing so much good shit. I'm like, wow, what else? This is... Oh my God.
Chapter 6: How do they discuss the challenges of relationships?
So when did you guys go out, Monday night? Yeah. Okay. Yeah, I'm sorry I missed the last Kill Tony, but you know. Yeah. I had things to do. We totally noticed you weren't there, where everyone was like, where's Nick James again? Where do you like to go for a drink, you? She asks you, where do you like to go for a drink? Usually Frazier's on E6, but I'm always able to suggestions.
Chapter 7: What are the funny moments surrounding their experiences with personal injuries?
I've never been to either, so I'm down for the adventure. LOL, I like its energy. It gets busy, but you can still hear each other talk. Follow up from him, and it's not on dirty six, so none of that nonsense. Oh yeah, it's not on dirty, so it must be clean. Okay, perfect, I like to chat. Any side is infinitely better than dirty. Wow, she's got her own amazing thoughts. Right?
Bars are so much cleaner, too.
Chapter 8: How does the conversation wrap up with reflections on past experiences?
You dirty boy. Wow, there's some real whores in here tonight. May I be one of those girls and get your birth chart information? I must investigate, smiley face. lol sure january 8th 94 born on a saturday morning in a blizzard i swear to god i'm not changing a fucking word by the way how exciting do you know what time i forget i think like 10 in the morning yup
I've never seen someone with so much cap energy. Oh, you're using caps a lot. Do you have a lot of friends?
I have many acquaintances, LOL, but a decent amount of friends.
Haha, I can see that. Do you feel super psychic? No, LOL. I delude myself into thinking I am a lot, though. Does that count? It's all in the mindset anyway. You are what you eat and believe. What's your dating history been like? LOL, true. And let's see, played the field a lot. Had a couple serious relationships over the years. Some short flings and whatnot.
Don't worry though, my ho phase is over. Genius. Bravo, young Skywalker. Pretty much the same. Got my ho phase over with early. Props on her. Props on her while they're both being disgusting. Had a serious relationship in my mid-twenties, then recovered from that.
Nice.
two recovered hoes looking for stability now. You are a sly doggie. You're a sly little doggie. They ain't call me Big Dick Nick for nothing. Wow. Okay. Don't make it creepy. I did. No, this is you. Sorry. I did have one girlfriend cheat on me, so that sucked, but no great tragedies. Smart. Oh, yeah. Looking back, I should have been a bigger hoe. I was out there looking for love.
I swear to God I'm not changing a word. Oof, I hope she got the opposite of everything she ever wanted as karma. Yeah, it was a weird situation. Yeah, we can always be big hoes together. Ha ha. Oh, my God. You fucking pig. Hold on. And just to let you know on this next one, this is her. And when I say check mark, I mean the actual check mark emoji. Get ready for it. Here we go.
Remember, we're coming off of, hey, we can always be big hoes together. Ha ha. Ha ha. Ha ha. True. Written out. Ha ha. Here we go. Okay, let me check my ho bag of essentials. Don't care attitude. Check. Ha ha. Let's just see where this goes. Check. Bikini thirst traps. Check. Okay, I'm ready to go. Hell yeah. Checking my man... Checking my bag of man hoe essentials.
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