Episode 599: The Horrible Lives and Deaths of the Saints - The Middle Ages
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What are the lives and deaths of the saints in the Middle Ages?
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That's when the cannibalism started.
You know who should be a saint? Who? The guy who invented shoe inserts. Dr. Scholl? Saint Scholl. Of the very limited... Saint Dr. Scholl.
No, actually I think it would be Dr. Saint Scholl.
He did not go to 15 years of uncomfortable foot school to be Mr. Saint Scholl. And he's one of the very few Jewish saints.
You're only saying this because we're currently in New York and we're walking a lot right now, aren't you?
My back really hurts. My back hurts. My penis hurts. But I think that's because of my jeans. Yeah, or it's because you yank it so much when you're away from your wife. My wife just got back. And so I can retire old gripper. Welcome to the last podcast on the left.
Ladies and gentlemen, my name is Marcus Parks. I'm here with the gripping Henry Zebrowski.
Not gripping as much anymore because I'm back in the married life.
Very nice. And I'm here with Ed Larson, who I assume has not been gripping since we arrived in New York City.
I've been flopping. actually a problem he needs to go to a doctor he needs to get his new penis bone inserted and today we're going to be expanding upon the world of the catholic saints yay by popular demand we're seriously this whole story and i was just in the met for like i went through and i did not understand how much saint merch would be at the met yeah it's all because like i guess because the last time i went We were in the middle of doing all this research, and now I went and I was like, the whole room of reliquaries where you go and you really just see just how... How do you put it? It literally is merch. It's fun and fanfare. Yeah, they wouldn't paint fucking normal people. You got to be a saint to get painted. Unless you had the money and then you could pay to be painted.
But that didn't happen until later on. And then I got the impression that a lot of times you didn't even look like the person that they painted.
Many times.
Impressionist. Thank you.
Me and Jimmy Fallon. So in our last installment on the saints, we covered the role that they played in the development of early Christianity during and immediately after the largest instances of Christian persecutions perpetrated by the Romans. We went up until like 400 A.D. or so.
There's some good words here. I like persecutions and perpetrated together. Marcus has plenty of $10 words.
These are more $7 words. I save the $10 words for the pros.
There's going to be a couple later I probably won't know. I really hope that you do some Cormac McCarthy like, the blood, it dries. The moon, it stares. The boy, he sucks. The girl in my car, cross state lines.
Today, however, we're going to explore how the saints of the Middle Ages played a huge role in the establishment of Christianity as the religion of choice for much of the Western world. Good for them! Yeah, in addition to how they helped the establishment of power structures that lasted for centuries in Europe and how much of it involved corpses and murder. Yay!
That's the best part!
A lot of corpses.
It almost is a feature that you have to die to be super for God. Catholicism is very metal. It's very intense. It's very morbid. It's very death heavy. Well, they want your blood. They want your cum. They want your shit. They want to eat it. The Catholics are fucked. I found a picture of myself the other day in the stations of the cross plane. It's just me holding a spear at Jesus. I was like, hell yeah.
Now, before we get into the nitty gritty, it might be helpful to talk a bit about how saints are chosen and ratified, as it were. This is a process called canonization. These days, there are two lanes by which one can become a saint, martyr or non-martyr. If you died a martyr, meaning you were voluntarily killed because you didn't waver in your faith in Christianity, then only one miracle needs to be attached to you, either during life or after death.
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