Episode 605: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part I - Spice World

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Last Podcast On The Left 1h 47m 3 speakers transcribed
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Henry Zebrowski 0:01
There's no place to escape to. This is the last podcast. On the left.
Ben Kissel 0:09
That's when the cannibalism started.
Henry Zebrowski 0:20
You're ruining your son's attractiveness.
Marcus Parks 0:22
I don't know. I don't see why you're here all these years with this woman, Darcy, that you're ruining his best years of attractiveness.
Ben Kissel 0:35
Ha!
Henry Zebrowski 0:36
That is my Dutch. We're trying to really wrap our brains around a Dutch accent.
Marcus Parks 0:40
Yeah, trying to wrap our brains around not just the Dutch accent, but the Dutch language, which is a very difficult language.
Henry Zebrowski 0:46
But one thing that Dutch doesn't seem to have words for, which is being completely fucked on an island. They learn that later on, though, don't they? Don't they, my friend? They can't sneak up on anybody.
Marcus Parks 1:01
Yeah, they also don't have any words for compassion or friendliness. Welcome to the last podcast on the left. Yeah! My name is Marcus Parks. I'm here with the... Henry Zabrowski.
Henry Zebrowski 1:13
Henry Zabrowski. Henry Zabrowski. That's as far as I'm going to go. I'm going to try. You know what? The only problem is with a Dutch accent specifically. Dutch accent specifically is the fact that I get into it when I listen to somebody speak with a Dutch accent for long enough. And I can do it while the video is playing. But I cannot do it afterwards. No. No, no, no. I don't care anything about it. But I did prepare for the show by farting under the sheets and holding Julie there. Thank you. Yes.
Marcus Parks 1:45
That's, of course, the Dutch oven at Larson.
Ben Kissel 1:48
How you doing? What's going on? That's my name.
Henry Zebrowski 1:51
Don't wear it out. It's been a long time since I've been this excited. This is a really fun episode. This is a, I cannot wait. Series, rather. This whole series comes from a topic. I have no idea how I had not heard about this topic before.
Marcus Parks 2:09
I have my theories, which we'll get to, but my God, this story is massive. I mean, it's almost the story of the birth of the modern world with a lot of murder involved.
Henry Zebrowski 2:20
And that's why we begin our 25-episode series now. Dawn of man.
Marcus Parks 2:30
Well, this today is a naval tale. The story of the Batavia. Let's fuck some dudes.
Ben Kissel 2:37
Yeah, dude.
Marcus Parks 2:41
So in 1628, a massive merchant ship called the Batavia wrecked on a reef on the western coast of Australia. 340 souls, including a fair amount of women and children, were aboard. 240 people survived the initial wreck, but their only escape from the seas was a mostly barren chain of islands that were individually no larger than a mid-sized city park. What occurred in the weeks that followed on those barren islands is quite possibly the most horrific, bloody, and downright disturbing survival story in modern history. Murder by the dozen. Because if there was ever a tale where the adage hell is other people applies, it's this one.
Henry Zebrowski 3:23
What I love about this whole story, too, is it all starts with somebody sitting in the middle of England going, man, I wish I had an orange. Yeah.
Marcus Parks 3:34
Everything begins. It's just somebody just sitting there being like... Why do I have to wait for an orange? Why can't I have one right now?
Henry Zebrowski 3:40
I want one now. Hey, hey, tell me, Clark, do you like eggnog? Yeah. You know that brown dust? Yeah. On top of it, that nutmeg, right?
Ben Kissel 3:49
Yeah.
Henry Zebrowski 3:51
It's all right, right? Yeah, it's all right.
Marcus Parks 3:53
Let's go kill a bunch of villagers full of babies to get some, right? I think it's worth it. And then we set up an entire civilization around getting nutmegs. Yeah, we might get enslavement and we'll get all the nuts from it.
Henry Zebrowski 4:09
That's amazing. I don't even like it. It doesn't even get you high. Except I did hear that, you know, nutmeg gets you high as fuck, dude. Really? It's illegal, man. So if you smoke it? No, eat it, dude. You eat like fucking, barely if you eat like half a pound of nutmeg, you get crazy high, dude. I think if you eat half a pound of almost anything, you feel differently.
Ben Kissel 4:33
Yeah.
Marcus Parks 4:36
The story of the Batavia is not a well-known survival tale. As to why, I think it's because people usually like survival stories to be inspiring. And the tragedy of the Batavia is quite the opposite. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Ben Kissel 4:50
Yeah.
Marcus Parks 4:52
Some do survive, but it's definitely not alive. It's not one of those where it's a tale of the human spirit persevering over nature and over each other. This is a tale of the human spirit giving in to its worst impulses at every turn.

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