Chapter 1: What happened at the White House Correspondents Dinner?
there's no place to escape to this is the last podcast on the left side stories that's when the cannibalism started side stories yes
So, Marcus. Yes, Henry. Welcome to Side Stories. Thank you. It's good to see you. It's good to see you too. It's been a while. Isn't it nice to finally be here for some of the funniest and best stories in America?
I came on the best week. The best possible week ever to come on Side Stories.
Chapter 2: How did a girlfriend use dynamite on her boyfriend?
You know what? I'm glad that you're here because this story that we're about to talk about and all the stuff that we have to talk about, it's extremely difficult. Yeah. To parse through.
Yeah. Real difficult to parse through. Real difficult to separate your own personal feelings from everything else that's going on. It's a difficult one.
I had to have a separate call with our lawyers so that I could ask what I could talk about today.
That's some of my favorite stuff.
Everyone loves talking to lawyers.
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Chapter 3: What ongoing issues are being addressed with Scientology?
Welcome to Side Stories. Henry Zabrowski, frequent flyer with our on-site lawyer.
Yeah.
I'm sitting here with the Sidney Sweeney of LPN. Is it? How would I get that? I'd say that you're the Sidney Sweeney of LPN.
Okay, how?
Chapter 4: How are recent events affecting public perception of the government?
How so? How am I the Sidney Sweeney of LPN?
Natural talents. I would say you elegant penis. Excellent tasting, man. Thank you. You are an amazing performer.
Thank you. I appreciate that quite a bit.
Chapter 5: What are the implications of the alleged assassination attempt?
And your best bits jiggle up and down. I'm here with Marcus Parks.
Sitting in for Edward this week, doing family stuff out in Ohio.
He is making love to his family, which is one of the nicest things you can do when you're never in town. And then he can really be spread amongst his in-laws.
He can be.
He went and told me all of the fun things he got to do with the family. 9 a.m., lacrosse. 9.45, basketball. 11, baseball.
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Chapter 6: How is mental health discussed in relation to violence?
5 p.m., choir practice.
And all of that is watching a different adolescent or prepubescent child be very bad at those things.
And then watching adults, which Eddie also said was really funny, get really angry about toddlers playing sports. And I was like, I'm so glad that Carmi... Won't go. Yeah. No, no. Carmi won't go.
Chapter 7: What are the consequences of the current political climate?
Absolutely not. No, Carmi's, honestly, we're really focusing on coding. That's where we got her in earlier. You got to send her to space camp. You know, I honestly think that the last couple of weeks covering the blowback about the Artemis and like talking about NASA is just a pipeline to the military industrial complex. We're keeping her out of space camp. Okay, good.
Yeah, because I just feel that, again, I got big shout out to the Artemis crew. Did they get a hold of you?
Chapter 8: What humorous stories are shared at the end of the episode?
Yes, they sent me a sticker. The Artemis crew sent you a sticker. People from Artemis sent me a sticker because I was talking loosely about the, you know, whatever you want to talk about with NASA. Never a straight answer. They're a bunch of fucking liars. All they do is edit their photos.
And these guys... See, it's talk like that that got you kicked out of NASA.
Well, what's the point in stopping now? They won't allow me back in. Well, talking about the importance of the Artemis 2 program, about the idea that we're trying to inspire people with space travel and definitely not going to talk about which unregulated construction company is going to be given the presidential contract to do the moon base. And I'm imagining it's going to be Eric Trump.
And then by the time we get up to that moon base, it's going to be filled with so many dead hookers. It's not going to fucking matter. Does that help? Yeah, it does. Welcome to Side Stories, Marcus. Well, thank you very much. We love you, Artemis. We do. Honestly, really hope that you're safe out there.
Yeah, be safe.
Seriously, it's a big deal because they're killing NASA scientists left and right. So you guys better keep your head on a swivel, but don't worry, Cash Patel's on it. Yeah, he's on it when he's not drunk. He is going to nail that down, too. You notice they just did, because there has been, last week, we've been covering a little bit. Have you looked into at all about these missing scientists?
Yeah, I've looked into it a little bit. And I can see why it is something to grab onto. It does feel like the first act of an alien invasion movie.
I feel like we're in a Michael Crichton novel.
Yeah.
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