Wet House Fantasy
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What is the premise of the “Wet House Fantasy” episode and who are the hosts?
If somebody slept in your bed, you would know. The marital bed. In the marital bed?
Welcome back to Petty Crimes, the only true crime comedy podcast that exclusively investigates non-crimes. Wait, Kira? Oh shit, that's right. I told Kira to take a rest and recharge day as ordered by me, and I can't do this by myself. If only I had someone who also went to Boston College, who's also a comedian, who's also a writer, who's also married, but is a guy. Is the bailiff reporting for jury duty? What's going on?
What's going on here? Bailiff Riley, please step in and save us. I can't wait to see the episode analytics, where just the turnoff rate at this exact point is like 95%. And everyone's like, what? No, Kira? No episode. I think it might spike, Bailiff. Our listeners love the bailiff. We always talk about the Olympics, they should have just a regular person do the event next to the Olympians just to show how good they are. I think that's what we're doing here. Oh, please. We're all good. We're all gonna find out how effortless you both make this look.
And how much of a regular idiot I am. Not at all. I mean, like anyone who's anyone in entertainment knows that the magic of anything lies in the edit. And so Bailey Fryleigh, I simply will not let you self-deprecate too much. I appreciate that. And also I know I'm in great hands here. I know how strong.
Soft those hands are. They're getting a little callous now that I'm lifting more, I will say. It's kind of changing my whole vibe. Are you what phase are you in? Are you in bulking? Are you shaping? I don't know the phases. I'm making them up. I believe that's bulking, shaping, and then taking pictures
of yourself. Exactly. I'm just in the taking pictures of myself phase, really. Um, I'm figuring that out. My body, you know, us boys, this is our boy episode. Yeah, right. Oh, yeah, this is boys. Let's
talk gym talk.
Exactly. Well my God, we're so on the nose. But I don't know about you, but when I turned twenty-eight, my body like clicked into something that felt like kind of what I'd be riding with for a few decades. And so I I grew up as like a string bean skinny boy. And I think for guys a lot of times it's like, I don't know, you get made fun of for being so thin and like not big enough on the sports field. This is so boy. I'm so sorry. Yeah, my sister used to leave
On my Facebook pictures all the time that would be like, eat a sandwich, you know, or whatever. I'm like, I actually eat a ton. Like I eat so much. It's just that I'm 27 and like have the metabolism of a 12-year-old. And now the opposite problem. I'll eat just an extra piece of toast in the morning. And I'm like, oh wow, I put on 30 pounds.
Exactly, exactly. The grass is always greener. Yeah. Riley, I have a quick question before we get into today's crime. First of all, the theme for today's crime is house sitting. Okay.
Yeah.
All right. And I've chosen this specifically because you have experience with owning homes and houses, and I I'm excited to pick your brain. But before we do that, since you are the one who is in our inbox sorting through crimes, are there any like patterns to the submissions that you're seeing or kind of like sociological? I don't know, like what are you gleaming from all of the crimes you read from our lovely petty criminals who, by the way, do 90% of the work for That's a good question. Yeah, I have a sort of like horror
scope to the world where I'm like, what are people? Right now I'm seeing two different types of story. One is I acted crazy and I have no regrets about it. Okay. Yes. Or I thought I was doing the right thing, but it made things worse. Oh, interesting. It is interesting because they're two very different ones. And like when you Right I sympathize with both where I'm like, yeah, there's been times where I've just been like Walk it. I'm doing this. I don't give a shit. Yeah. But then other times where it's like, how did this happen? Because I had the best intentions and I truly sincerely thought this was the best route and somehow we ended up in Pettyville. In Pettyville.
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Chapters
6 chapters
1
What is the premise of the “Wet House Fantasy” episode and who are the hosts?
0:00–6:17
2
How do the hosts introduce the house‑sitting crime and outline the main players?
6:17–13:09
3
What evidence do they present about Aunt Rosalind and Bernie’s stay (unlocked doors, utility bill, bedroom usage)?
13:09–21:05
4
How does the dad’s email to Aunt Rosalind illustrate the family’s communication breakdown?
21:05–29:20
5
What verdict questions do the hosts ask about guilt (sleeping in the master bed, utility bill, door security)?
29:20–37:33
6
How do the hosts debate the fairness of the dad’s email tone and the family’s response?
37:33–42:43