Is Your Need for Control Actually Killing Your Goals? What Trust Has to Do With It | Ep. 281

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Recorded17 Feb 2026

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Handlerec:15955475

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I grew up in Iowa where Mardi Gras wasn't really a thing. Then I moved to Baton Rouge for my PhD at LSU—and everything changed. In this episode I'm connecting my love of Mardi Gras, my research on the carnival, and our February theme of TRUST in the most delightfully nerdy way possible. Here's the question: What if chaos is actually a SIGN of trust? Here's what we're covering: Why carnival only works where there is trust (structured freedom not rigid control) What masks reveal about where safety hides (and our modern version of the mask) Why humor is a trust barometer (when teams can't laugh together, fear has entered the room) How controlled chaos builds communal trust (collective ridiculousness = collective vulnerability) The dangerous side: when play turns violent and trust breaks completely The 4 Trust Lessons from Carnival: 1. Trust requires structured freedom. Medieval carnival flipped the social order—servants mocked nobles, priests were parodied. But everyone knew when it started and ended. Trust isn't built through constant control. It's built when people know there's space for expression without the system collapsing. 2. Masks reveal where safety hides. When social risk disappears, honesty increases. Think about it: a sarcastic joke hiding real resentment. "Just kidding" as cover for actual truth. If someone only feels safe telling you the truth through humor—what does that tell you about trust? 3. Humor is a trust barometer. Regimes that lose their sense of humor become fragile. Relationships that can't tease each other anymore signal something is off. Can your team challenge you without fear? Can you and your partner tease each other without defensiveness? If not, trust might be low. 4. Controlled chaos builds communal trust. Everyone looks foolish TOGETHER. This lowers status anxiety and builds connection. You cannot build trust in permanent professional mode. Trust grows when people experience small disruptions together and recover together. The dangerous side: Trust can tolerate tension, critique, and inversion. But trust CANNOT survive betrayal. Carnival works because everyone knows the rules. Trust breaks when the rules change mid-game without consent. The big takeaway: Trust is not control. It's SAFE LOOSENESS. The confidence that we can step into chaos together and return without losing ourselves. Your challenge this week: Where can you create safe looseness in your life, your goals, or your relationships? Mentioned in this episode: Mikhail Bakhtin (carnival theory) Stallybrass and White (carnival scholarship) Michael Bruner "The Carnivalesque State" Performance studies and social transformation Connect with me: Email: [email protected] Facebook Group: Join Here Website: PlanGoalPlan.com LinkedIn: (I post most here!) www.linkedin.com/in/danielle-mcgeough-phd-🗓️-b673334 Ready to begin? Schedule a chat about Simply Bold at plangoalplan.com

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