Why Does Rest Feel So Uncomfortable? When Productivity Becomes Your Identity | Ep. 303
episode
PLAN GOAL PLAN | Goals, Transformation for Women, Mindful Time Management, Balance, Working Moms
22 min
1 speaker
8 chapters
transcribed 1 month ago
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Transcript generated automatically by AI and may contain errors.
Why does taking a break feel uncomfortable even when I need rest?
I remember when my kids were small, there was a moment where my son was deep in dinosaur soap opera drama with his figurines, and my daughter was having a wildly creative crayon moment. And I remember sitting down with my tea and just staring at the wall. Not in a poetic savor the moment, we're gonna linger in this kind of way. Y'all, my brain short-circuited. I was sitting down and I was trying to read. I was trying to read a novel for fun. Something that I do all the time now. But at the moment, just sitting felt like cheating. It felt like I was missing something and I remember just sitting there thinking I must be forgetting something urgent. What is it? I know. Last month on Plan Go Plan we talked all about play.
And through that, I got to have a lot of conversations with you all. about play and rest. Two things that I think we oftentimes place opposite of work. One of the things that I learned so many of you have described feeling itchy when you slow down. And so today's episode is about naming That this feeling isn't a productivity problem. It's not you're doing something wrong, but it is connected to your identity. And so today's episode is all about this question. When you take away the to-do list, the title, the output, who's left. Today we're gonna answer this question, dig into this question, so let's do this. Welcome to Plan Goal Plan, a podcast where ambition meets balance. I'm Daniel McGiew. I'm a professor, speaker, mom, recovering overachiever, and self-leadership coach for high-achieving women.
At the intersection of research, practice, and play, I discovered a path to planning and goal setting that's bold, balanced, and sustainable. Together, we'll reclaim your time, empower your goals, and create a life where you thrive at work. And at home. Grab a pin. Let's get started. So last episode we talked about what rest actually. Is the mist that we carry around rest and Dr. Dalton Smith's seven different types of rest. And this week we're gonna go one layer deeper and we're gonna talk about why rest is so hard, isn't just cultural, it is also personal. It's both and the self and the social are intimately and intricately connected. I'll say this over and over again.
How does my identity become tied to productivity and busyness?
And rest is uncomfortable not just because we're busy. And culturally, I think there's a lot of ways that we are encouraged, we're rewarded to be busy, but we're also uncomfortable because we've built our identities around being busy. And this isn't just a schedule problem. I think that for some of us it might be, but for a lot of us, it's also a self-concept problem. And stillness has a way of surfacing that. So we're gonna talk a little bit about the performing self and how exactly it is that busyness becomes a self-concept problem. So I alluded to this a little bit in the last episode, but for women in high-pressure fields, in high pressure jobs and especially if you are in a male dominated field.
Your competence has often been a price of admission. In order to be where you are, you have probably had to go above and beyond what maybe other people have to do to just get your foot in the door. And so you learned early, produce, deliver, show up, be reliable, be the one who remembers everything and drops nothing. And over time, doing becomes Being. I'm gonna say this again. Doing becomes being. Output becomes identity when you have had years of being on that can wire you into being hyper aware, not relaxed. So I recently had a conversation with Aaron. He is the host of the Something for Everyone podcast. He was Really lovely to talk to. He is a previous professional baseball player. He coaches now. And while I am not an athlete and definitely not someone ever pegged to be a professional athlete.
Where we really had something in common is that we love getting really good at something. And I really appreciate when I encounter other people that get really good at something. So I don't know if I've shared this, but recently I got to go to craft and commerce in Boise, Idaho. And at that, I got to meet James Clear, Jay Papazon.
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Chapters
8 chapters
1
Why does taking a break feel uncomfortable even when I need rest?
0:00–2:35
2
How does my identity become tied to productivity and busyness?
2:35–5:55
3
What is the difference between true rest and numbing activities like binge‑watching?
5:55–9:33
4
Why do high‑achieving women especially struggle with stillness?
9:33–12:36
5
How does our nervous system learn to treat busyness as safety?
12:36–15:41
6
What does emotional and spiritual rest look like in everyday life?
15:41–18:20
7
How can I re‑train my brain to feel safe and comfortable with my own thoughts?
18:20–20:46
8
What practical steps can I take to practice rest as a way of rediscovering who I am?
20:46–21:58
Speakers
1 identifiedMore from PLAN GOAL PLAN | Goals, Transformation for Women, Mindful Time Management, Balance, Working Moms
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When Does Purpose Become Pressure? Escaping the Purpose Trap | Ep. 306
Why Doesn't Rest Work for High Achievers? 5 Recovery Mistakes to Stop Making | Ep. 305
Why Doesn't More Free Time Make You Feel Better? The Truth About Time Freedom | Ep. 304
Why Am I Still Tired After Vacation? The Rest You're Actually Missing | Ep. 302
How Do You Make July Count? A Simple Reset for Your Health, Wealth, and Relationships | Ep. 301