474: Stop Waiting for Your Urges to Go Away
episode
Take a Break from Drinking: Practical Tools to Drink Less & Change Your Relationship with Alcohol
13 min
1 speaker
8 chapters
transcribed 1 month ago
Transcript
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Transcript generated automatically by AI and may contain errors.
Why does waiting for cravings to disappear keep you stuck?
Have you ever found yourself wishing that the urge to drink, the impulse to have more, or the excuses and justifications that are so hard to argue with would just go away? This is episode four hundred and seventy four, and I'm gonna explain why waiting for these things to disappear may actually be the very thing keeping you stuck. Whether you want to drink less or stop drinking, this podcast will help you change the habit from the inside out. We're challenging conventional wisdom about why people drink and why it can be hard to resist temptation. No labels, no judgment, just practical tools to take control of your desire and stop worrying about your drinking. Now, here's your host, Rachel Hart. I've been thinking a lot lately about what makes people successful and and not just successful at changing their drinking, but successful with changing any behavior in their life.
And one of the things that I have come to realize is that we all have this tendency to believe that success lies on the other side of eliminating whatever is driving the behavior that we want to change. And so it often sounds like well, if I could just stop wanting the drink or Or wanting to have more than saying no would be easy. Or if I could just stop having the urges, the cravings, the excuses, then I'd finally be able to figure this out. So we're constantly looking for a path around the obstacle to our transformation. And this is one of the biggest places where I see people get stuck when When they're trying to change, when they have this goal of I want to drink less, I want to change my relationship with alcohol, but I can't figure it out.
People will tell me all the time, all the time, they'll say, Rachel, if I just didn't have all these cravings, if I just didn't want the drink so much, if I just didn't have all the reasons in the moment why I should make an exception, right? Why, you know, this moment. Moment, it shouldn't count. Then I could follow through on my goal. Then I would be able to drink less. But what I'm always trying to explain to people, and what I really want you to understand, is that no one who has ever successfully changed their drinking did so in the absence of desire or the absence of justifications.
What’s wrong with believing success comes after eliminating desire?
No one who has ever successfully learned to drink less figured this out because they stopped wanting more. They figured it out by wanting more. And learning how to not answer that desire. No one figures out how to change their relationship with alcohol because they erased all the excuses, all the justifications from their brain. They figured it out in the presence of their excuses and justifications. They learned how to respond differently when their brain was making what felt like a really airtight argument in the moment. Because actual change, lasting change. Talking about temporary. I'm talking about change that you feel really 100% solid in. That doesn't happen by finding a way around what's difficult.
It happens by learning how to navigate what's difficult as it appears. And I know that this might sound kind of obvious when I'm saying this, but I will tell you, this was not obvious for me. For a very Very, very, very long time. I totally believed that the presence of my desire was the problem. And I told myself that I just had too much desire and I had more desire than other people. And that was the problem. And believing this is what kept me stuck for so long because I kept searching for an environment. And a version of myself that didn't exist. I was searching for that version of myself that would never think, oh, I really deserve a drink after a day like today.
How did Rachel’s personal “new version of herself” myth hold her back?
Or a version of myself that wouldn't look at the wine bottle and think, ooh, I should have another. Or a version of myself that just would have a drink and not want any more. A version of myself. I remember searching for this one in particular for so. So long, a version that just would never feel awkward saying no. I kept waiting to become that person, believing that, okay, then if I could just become this new version of myself and I didn't have all of this desire and I didn't have any of the discomfort or the awkwardness, then I would be able to change.
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Chapters
8 chapters
1
Why does waiting for cravings to disappear keep you stuck?
0:00–2:40
2
What’s wrong with believing success comes after eliminating desire?
2:40–4:20
3
How did Rachel’s personal “new version of herself” myth hold her back?
4:20–6:08
4
Why are cravings, excuses, and justifications actually useful?
6:08–7:36
5
What is the real skill for changing drinking habits?
7:36–9:28
6
How can you respond differently when the urge shows up?
9:28–11:21
7
Why does normalizing urges reduce their power?
11:21–13:12
8
What practical steps can you take right now to meet urges differently?
13:12–13:28
Speakers
1 identifiedMore from Take a Break from Drinking: Practical Tools to Drink Less & Change Your Relationship with Alcohol
481: Wanting to prove you can drink less
480: Tolerating the discomfort of not having another drink
479: How do I get back on track after I slip up and drink too much?
478: I've made so much progress with my drinking. So why doesn't it feel any easier? [Listener Q&A]
477: Chasing the Sweet Spot with Your Drinking
476: Why You Can Always Find a Good Reason to Drink